by Dread Lord Jocelyn, Supreme
Commander, Warrior Princess,
Roving Pirate Queen, and Survivor
of the Australian Outback

get yoself some pita, bitch

el pita
[archive]
[current]
[taglines]

la chica
[a boy]
[a girl]
[links]
[list]
[music]
[buy me stuff]
[email]
[guestbook]

estan luz y impulso
[alex]
[angie]
[courtney]
[jeff]
[jess]
[meghan]

eses me gustan
[fifty]
[freespeech]
[disturbing search requests]
[damn hell ass kings]
[thinkgeek]
[fun!]
[pitas]
[uber]
[popsensation]
[girlboy]
[exploding dog]
[eric conveys an emotion]
[charged]
[chickclick]
[atlantic unbound]
[u of a]
[divide by zero]
[adbusters]
[emily strange]
[art of the mix]
[red balloon]
[plastic]
[the new varscona]
[BUST]
[the sims]
[google]
[canada post]
[kvetch]
[bluishorange]
[amplified to rock]
[malcolm in the middle]
[buffy]
[hey! url!]
[mary chen]

circulos
l < subversive > ?
boys [suck]

i've been
fucking imood
since march 1st, 2000!

it took all the shit i had not to fall apart
Monday, May 7, 2001 @ 02:38 p.m.

hey, it's time for... NAME THAT DISCO CLASSIC!

you're really sweet, hmm you're really nice but didn't your momma ever tell you not to play with fire&
Sunday, May 6, 2001 @ 04:44 p.m.

Rosie O'Donnell: "What does Batman like to eat?"
Rosie O'Donnell's kid: "mostly pickles."

Tomorrow I start my summer class. Also, tomorrow is my first day of training with the newest in a discouragingly long string of new employees at my store.

I have been pretty busy. On friday I bought the Sims House Party. Then I went to Cam's. Moment: "What should we do now?" "Let's go lie in my parents' bed and watch TV!"

Yesterday, I worked and then we went to improv.

Today I slept until 11.30, ate brownie for breakfast, and finished a mixtape for Meghan. I would say this has been a very good weekend.

I used to be a very unhappy person but now I'm not.

Totally. Totally.
Thursday, May 3, 2001 @ 11:04 p.m.

"once the votes are counted, the decision is final and you'll be asked to leave the CBS parking lot immediately."

good god, that was two hours of survivor with 15 minutes screaming to get out. it's like when you go to ikea and have to walk through the whole store before you can get to the cheap tealights.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think i'm understanding this. There are three now, and one will get voted off... so how many are left?" "Two." "So, the final two, so to speak?" "Yes, that's right. The final two." "So, let me just get this straight... there are two people left?"

I am such a fucking genius.

no one said it would be easy
Thursday, May 3, 2001 @ 10:18 a.m.

two years ago:
JOCELYN
How long would it take to put a nail in my wall to hang my bulletin board?

DAD
three, three-and-a-half weeks. Fill the form out in septlicate. Press hard, the bottom copy is yours. I'll go out and get a nail right now.

JOCELYN
you're funny.

*

one year ago: "We get up and walk away from the clearing into the woods and lie down in the field outside the Japanese Consulate, and he says, 'you know how most people break up because they hate each other? it's ironic that we might break up because we hate ourselves.'

"and plus there's the risk element of NOT HITTING THE BALL" -Angie, on why watching Alex's team play baseball is exciting

"has anybody seen the girl who accompanies this tie?" -Angie, imitating Chris looking for me at grad


Thursday, May 3, 2001 @ 09:28 a.m.

Hey, what's your prison bitch name? Mine is "nipple nibbler". How oddly appropriate. (Via amplified via fresh hell... can you tell this isn't a real weblog?)

Four VERY IMPORTANT things I forgot to tell you
Wednesday, May 2, 2001 @ 03:47 p.m.

  • I love that commercial that's in black-and-white and has those four wireless phone people running from their fans. For some reason whenever I see the guy holding the sign that says "CALLING MORE PLACES ROCKS," I start laughing and can't STOP. And that's the truth. Also: the Zellers commercial where the Zellers employee's lawn gnomes tell him to design new lawn furniture, and the 5-Alive commercial with all the short-disconnected scenes. It's like advertising on crack.
  • The song "I Don't Like Mondays" makes me laugh. It is perfect for days that start of all rainy and shit-like and then get good.
  • I like the people I work with because we can have serious discussions about which mailman is the cutest. I think you need coworkers you can really talk to about important issues and that is obviously something I am lucky enough to have and my god this is a long sentence.
  • I don't have to work on Friday so you kids better be doing something fun. I want more pina colada slushees, skittles, improv, and people running around in their underwear although not necessarily in that order.

Greetings, assorted internet acquaintances.
Wednesday, May 2, 2001 @ 03:34 p.m.

For some reason, when I'm at home all I do is sleep, watch reruns of THAT SEVENTIES SHOW, take a lot of showers, and listen to music very loudly. But TODAY is a special day, because I arrived at work 2 1/2 hours early (quite by accident, although I don't know what KIND of accident), so I am here at the library. And when one is at the library, and listening to music loudly, sleep, showers and THAT 70S SHOW are not viable options, then updating one's semi-dormant, boring website seems like a good idea.

I'm very bad with time. I don't know why, but I thought for some reason I had to be at work aat 3, and then got there at two-thirty anyway. I can only focus on so many things at once. Right now, I am focusing on not blowing my May budget (already the second and budget remains unblown, v. good), and losing enough weight that I can buy new pants. These are responsible, reasonably attainable goals. But with them in mind, I promptly forget all the other aspects of my life such as "getting to work in a reasonable imitation of on-time" and "paying tuition." I think I might be a complete idiot. Do not, however, let this stop you from loving me, admiring me, and buying me stuff.

Also, I somehow got unsubscribed from all the email lists I used to be on. Whenever I got emails from those lists, I would just delete them without even reading them first, but at least I felt popular. Now I never get any email of any sort. send me some, please?

On an unrelated note, I have recently noticed that I really despise fat children. I'm not sure why, but they disgust me. I'm OK with fat adults, but fat kids... I really am an idiot.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Special announcement
Sunday, April 29, 2001 @ 10:40 p.m.

I just checked my grades online, and I got an 8 in English 100. I am a genuis. Admire me. Love me. buy me stuff.

yesterday
Sunday, April 29, 2001 @ 10:24 p.m.

I left work @ 7 and there were dark, threatening clouds overhead. In the air: the hiss of static and portent. the wind came out of nowhere and lifted my light skirt above my knees as i walked to the bus. a young man drove by with a friend and lifted an eyebrow at me as he rolled down his window. by the time i left to pick up my sister from violin, i felt the kiss of the first drops on my face and open toes, and driving home later the world was wet and black, garish lights leering out of liquid dark. i had the sensation i should have been walking home to my cheap apartment through a 1930s crime novel-- dashiell hammett or similar. weather is strange.

according to "the phantom tollbooth," that most wonderful children's (adults'?) book: "It is more important to know whether there will be weather than to know what the weather will be."

I love spring. I think genuine spring is the best thing in the world. i would rather have edmonton spring than the freaky equatorial perma-weather.

When mouse-love goes bad
Saturday, April 28, 2001 @ 12:11 a.m.

I've been playing with my internet scrolling mouse. I feel nauseous and I think I'm going to throw up. Stupid Jocelyn.


Friday, April 27, 2001 @ 06:54 p.m.

Can I dance along to "ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK" and type at the same time?

I think so!

Also, am I wearing underwear with little ducks?

Again, I think so!

This has been a public service announcement.

Are you wearing a smile?
Thursday, April 26, 2001 @ 04:27 p.m.

What I wouldn't give for a mango snapple and a bottle of tylenol 3 right now. But THAT is beside the point, because yesterday, April 25th (although I thought it was the 26th for most the day), was THE OFFICIAL NONOFFICIAL FIRST DAY OF SUMMER 2001! Yes! Inagaural slushees were sipped (and mixed with vodka), large quanitites of booze were drunk, tiki torches were lit, hot tubs were entered bathing-suit-less, and all was merry.

Program highlights:

  1. "breaking in" my new camera battery, which i finally bought after literally months and months of procrastination. Snapping pictures of people and tiki torches, in various combinations. Alex extinguishing his torch with an empty beer bottle while we all intoned, "the tribe has spoken." Various ill-lit pictures of us in the hot tub: "ok, torches in the background. Now in the foreground." Cute ill-lit pictures of Angie and Cam. Survivor jokes abounded, and some of them were even from strangers walking by: "So, who's going to get voted off next?" "Elisabeth!" "Who do you want to win?" "Rodger!" "But Rodger already got voted off!" "I know, I don't think he's going to win." "Yeah, I'd say his chances are pretty slim."
  2. Cam and Chris "breaking in" their new stylish hibachi. Various dangerous fire-starting manoevers necessarily accompanied by verses of, "I'm a fire starter, a twisted fire-starter".
  3. eating four bags of skittles and M&Ms because that was all i could think of to buy and bring at the last moment. Angie dumping the last bag in with the chips and exclaiming gleefully, "party mix!"
  4. after Angie arrived, we played Frisbee for awhile. This was actually fairly difficult for me because I'd had three very quick drinks and was wearing huge platform sandals. Whenever it went into the ravine, we had to form a "human chain!" to pull the rescuer out. Obviously.
  5. Cam and Chris's tiki torches, which provided way enviable instant atmosphere. Also, Angie's shishkabobs in oyster sauce, which were awesome.
  6. After Alex arrived, we sent him and Jeff off the liquor store, and while they were gone, Angie, Cam and I played an awfully intimate game of Twister (Chris spun; he always spins). When all three of us finally collapsed, Chris admitted: "I cheated on the last five moves."
  7. After Jeff and Alex returned with coconut rum, coke, weird beer from Quebec and Coke (and Skittles on my request-- love Jeff and Alex!) we did an official toast to summer-- or as Cam so elegantly phrased it, "four months to jerk off."
  8. Angie posting Chris's picture on amihotornot.com, and him scoring a 7.7.

Two years ago: "It snowed in math. Not in the math room, but while math was taking place, it snowed outside. I spent practically the whole class working on a question I didn't understand. In Lit Cam and Jeff gave me the finger for no reason. I asked them why and Cam replied cheerfully, 'because we're jackasses!'" Two years ago today was NOT a happy day. I think this may be because there was a shortage of tiki torches and an excess of snow.

One year ago: "Population genetics makes me hungry. I am going to prey on this sesame bagel... it doesn't even have any camoflauge behaviours. It's just sitting there on the table, like I can't even see it. Ha!... Mmmm, freshly killed bagel. Eating food I caught myself makes me feel truly alive. there are warm sesame seeds dripping down my arms, and it smells very "close" in here." Actually, one year ago today was not a good day either.

Today, however, is a most excellent day for dong anything or nothing at all.

all your bad days will end
Wednesday, April 25, 2001 @ 03:19 p.m.

i'm having a day at home just for a change. i made my sister grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, since obviously grilled cheese and macaroni and cheese (and possibly chocolate milk) are the most comforting comfort foods of all, and she is sick. I am also preparing this really super blackened chicken on linguini (with cheese biscuits and caesar salad) for my family for dinner. And, I think I might make some cookies or a cake or both, but no ice cream so maybe cake isn't a good idea.

I walked up to the library and got DRIVING MR ALBERT, which is this bizarre but wonderful travelogue/biography/novel/meditation about Einstein's brain. Albert Einstein is totally my hero. I also went to Blockbuster to rent the second Austin Powers movie to cheer up my sister. But they didn't have it and also the psychotic Blockbuster woman was working. For some reason I cannot stop mysewlf from typing "Blobbuster".

Hello, internet scrolling mouse!

Last night, I actually got my Sims to have a three-way (it was really troubling on a very deep level!) and I took pictures (since the first thing that popped into my head was "website content"!) but ALAS, i then exited the game without saving. So, this evidence of sim-on-neighbour-on-sim action is lost. You lose. I am vile and I detest myself. For a couple of reasons actually... how long have I been out of school again? Two days? Two days and I'm already making SimPorn?

BBQ tonight at Cam's. Anyone want to give me a ride?

i did that on purpose.
Tuesday, April 24, 2001 @ 02:19 p.m.

have a nice day

i ran away with the circus...
Tuesday, April 24, 2001 @ 02:17 p.m.

'casue there's still some honest work left for bearded ladies...

Hi! It's 18 and I'm all finished my exams and I think someone should take me out for dinner.

I can't thin

Spread the chicken word!
Monday, April 23, 2001 @ 03:11 p.m.

The People's Republic of Johnny Chicken, of which I am a longtime but hardly active member, has propaganda! Vive la revolucion!

As of today I am completement fini my exams. I don't have to work until Thursday. Also, my Picked Last in Gym Tshirt came. Oh boy!


Sunday, April 22, 2001 @ 07:33 p.m.

This thousand journals project seems really interesting, except... I don't understand at all.

do you have this in sad cemetary grey?
Sunday, April 22, 2001 @ 02:34 p.m.

i experienced a few moments of genuine sadness just now when i realized that i hadn't transferred all my netscape bookmarks over to IE, and my amplified to rock link was thus gone. not only that, but i couldn't remember what it was called-- all i could think of was "beautiful rock hair," indie rock and purple links.

so what did smart web-person jocelyn do? she (i) flipped alphabetically through the eatonweb portal until i found the name i recognized, which fortunately started with "a". so, all is well and you can also buy the T-shirt.

*

Myth: Family sedans have a certain maximum capacity.
Fact: Um... they don't.

Myth: You can meet nice people at Red's on a Saturday night.
Fact: You would not ever want to be seen publicly with anyone who would be in Red's on a Saturday night (although you are there yourself).

Special Bonus Myth: I am a great dancer.
Special Bonus Fact: Dance Dance Revolution is harder than it looks.

*

I'm reading James Thurber's THE THIRTEEN CLOCKS. It is really the most wonderful book in the world. It's very thin and it has colourful pictures. Also, it begins like this: "Once upon a time, in a gloomy castle on a lonely hill, where there were thirteen clocks that wouldn't go, there lived a cold, aggressive Duke, and his neice, the princess Saralinda. She was warm in every wind and weather, bu he was always cold." And then it gets better!

You can buy James Thurber books online. Or, you can get them from your local library.