it means everything that has been erased

fun! free! nutritious! "carpe diem. You told me that."
"What? Fish of the day?"

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email moi: jocelynb at shaw dot ca

i love you, i'm not gonna crack
Sunday, November 10, 2002 @ 03:27 p.m.

Hey, go take my quiz! It's all about me! Isn't that great?
YES.

do you want me to love you more?
Saturday, November 9, 2002 @ 04:57 p.m.

Hey, everyone! Guess what? That's right! My travelling journal is available on nervousness. Why don't you go sign up for it. Yes. Excellent.

"I'm insane. What's his excuse?" -Spike
Thursday, November 7, 2002 @ 04:59 p.m.

legislated nostalgia n. Nostalgic images of ideas presented in such a way that even people who weren't born yet seem to "remember" that time. [word of the day from word spy]

Another cool wordspy word: time porn n. Television shows and other media that portray characters as having excessive amounts of spare time. Except, I don't see how I can complain since this website is an obvious example. I have WAY more spare time than normal people. It's because I never work hard at school.

To be honest, I've been totally slacking off this year, and my grades haven't shifted-- if anything, they've gone up. It's inexplicable. It makes me feel like I'm intellectually invincible, like I must have incredible natural intelligence-- an ego boost, always cool. But it's also depressing. Because I've worked my ass off at various points in the past, and apparently it has benefited me not at all.

This is one of those things that people with no real problems complain about.

Anyway...

I have all these dreams that return to me over the course of the day as tiny remembered moments, like single frames edited out of a movie: my upstairs hallways with the light bulb burnt out, sex, my email inbox, a shocked expression on my sister's face. I don't like to consider the things the parts of my brain I'm not thinking about are thinking about.

The movie these frames come from would be called FUCKING UP, like that silly documentary from a John Irving novel. Or, alternately, KUNG FU SURPRISE II: THE CASE OF THE MISSING PLOT. Or (last one, I promise) SPACEBALLS II: THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY!

I started writing a book today. I know, I was shocked too. It's been a long time since I tried to sit down and write something new (I mean, besides this website, which doesn't count as making things up, because it's only a very small part making things up) and it was such a huge relief. To find that I could still do it. Let's face it, my stalled writing life is the main thing that weighs on me. I know I'm a failure. This is probably, also, the source of the dreams, although you wouldn't find me admitting that to myself.

So far, it's a story about a little boy and his dragon, and the thing I'm having the most trouble with are place-names. They need to sound fairy-tale-y, but serious, because this is a serious story. If you have any suggestions, I would welcome them. There's a castle, and a kingdom, and a forest (of course, there's no story without a forest) and an ocean full of pirates, and a royal family... all of them as-yet unnamed.

Like ancient maps with the words written: here be monsters. (Mulder, from when the X-Files used to be cool: "I have a map of New York like that.")

My shoes are making me hallucinate
Wednesday, November 6, 2002 @ 09:05 a.m.

I'm downloading MP3s from the Kings of Convenience, who I've never heard of until now, because they had an album called "Quiet Is The New Loud." This is an excellent variation on the oft-heard comment of mine that "blue is the new grey" (or orange, or whatever).

I slept dreamlessly and soundly for eight hours, and I feel much better.

apocalyptic implications in a minor key
Tuesday, November 5, 2002 @ 02:51 p.m.

After years of reading books, I feel quialified to compile the following lists:

Acceptable reasons for literary love

  • despair in the face of a lonely and desperate universe (nihilistic love)
  • unbridled passion
  • class differences, family feuds, or other major social obstacles (star cross'd love)
  • metaphors involving car crashes
  • bad luck
  • mutual distaste
  • acts of God, destiny, or natural disasters
  • acts of self-sacrifice or self-torture (Crime and Punishment love)
  • enchantment
  • All-consuming fear or loneliness, the harshness of the world, or other
  • mysticism, 'soul mates,' etc.

Unacceptable reasons for love

  • Enjoying the person's company
  • Finding them easy to get along with
  • Feelings of warmth, contentment, or affection
  • holding similar political views
  • Matching furniture

IS IT REALLY SO COMPLICATED?

The duty of a revolutionary is to bore Jocelyn to tears
Monday, November 4, 2002 @ 05:29 p.m.

"Love and stoplights can be cruel." -Sesame Street

deletia needs you
Sunday, November 3, 2002 @ 05:02 p.m.

Hello, loyal readers; old friends; and especially random passers-by who will never return! So good to see you!

I'm working on a new project and I need your help. I am compiling an email list of addresses that have sent me spam. Everytime I get some unsolicited email, I add that address to an entry called "spam" in my address book. Then I forward all my spam to that list. Some of it gets returned, of course, but some goes through. I know I can never stop the flow of unsolicited email, but hopefully, I CAN cause some annoyance along the way.

Please send me the addresses where your spam comes from. Or, better yet, we can exchange and BOTH start doing it. Email me (address above).

Trust me, I know it makes very little difference. But sometimes fighting against the machine gives psychological relief, even if it doesn't cause any actual changes.

I'm going crazy with nervousness art swaps! You should try it! I'm also working, and doing reading for school! Wooo!

In about three weeks, it will be deletia's third birthday. I wonder what kind of hijinks will take place to celebrate. Perhaps none, like in previous years! Wouldn't that be thrilling?!?

Yeah, OK, I'm thinking about it. Also, I'm bored.

favours for favours,
fond but not in love

Saturday, November 2, 2002 @ 10:56 a.m.

"I wish the bus would come. [Suddenly the bus pulls into view] I wish I had $1,000,000!" -me

Last year in film studies, my prof was talking about some movie (Jean-Luc Godard, I expect) and referred to a "kitsch and sync aesthetic," at least, that's what I thought he was saying. The other day my dad pointed out it could have been "kitchen sink aesthetic." The two make almost equal amounts of sense, ie none.

WORST. HORROR. MOVIE. EVER.

Don [clean-cut hero in sweater vest]: "It's over now."
Stacey [nearly-sacrificed virgin with uncool glasses]: "Yes, I guess it is."
*fade to black*

In addition, a quotation from a poem by Hafiz, the Sufi poet:
You carry
All the ingredients
To turn your life into a nightmare--
don't mix them!

Finally: The Neko Case song she didn't play.

Today I am going to the Edmonton Weavers' Guild show and the ARTIST TRADING CARD exhibit at the Art Gallery! I bet you losers wish you were going with me!

keep me in your head all day
Thursday, October 31, 2002 @ 02:05 p.m.

This is just a note to let you know I found a computer lab on the arts side of campus, and it's even in the top floor of Rutherford South, one of my favourite University buildings and a first choice for any horror/kung fu movies I decide to make here.

I take a very non-gracious stance towards the other people in my English classes, and I apologize. I feel like such a bitch. When they talk I stare emptily out the window, wishing I was somewhere else and congratulating myself on the sophistication of my own opinions. University has accomplished nothing except to make me more pretentious and annoying than I was before I started.

my oh face
Thursday, October 31, 2002 @ 10:03 a.m.

as in "oh, I almost forgot"

Here's that stationery, etc., online store I was telling you about (and by "you" I mean "Meghan and Courtney"): superfantastico

Plus, cool name. It reminds me of the Simpsons where Homer opened a back clinic in his garage called "El Clinico Magnifico" and then the chiropractors came and stole his back-pain-solving trash can.

Should I get some kind of dotcomments-type comments thing on this website? Would anyone use it, besides me? Does anyone actually read my website, besides me? Do you think these jeans make me look fat? Why is there so much fat in those instant noodles that come in styrofoam bowls? How come mandarin oranges are so much more fun than regular oranges? Why do my mutual funds lose money all the time? How does inflation work? Why do I have to pay so much GST on items entering the country? What does my computer think when I type random phrases in at the DOS C: command (mine actually reads, "Now What?") When will it be my birthday? Why do I wear a different size of shirt at every store? Is the end of property inevitable? Is it possible to construct a happy Socialist state? Why are the busses going to the University always late?

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

The soup of the day is link
Thursday, October 31, 2002 @ 09:11 a.m.

A really cool website about a series of tunnels dug under Liverpool by Joseph Williamson, an eccentric millionnaire. It doesn't really get any more tunnely than this. Check it out. (Via mooselessness, via boingboing... I am such a link-stealer.)

I think a surefire way to win my heart would be to build me a series of tunnels. I am REALLY into tunnels. No Freudian analysis, please.

We went to see BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE and it was great. Michael Moore is funny, because he just hassles people until they agree to talk to him. He's like a normal person only with eight times more moxie and a cameraman.

That is insane troll logic!
Tuesday, October 29, 2002 @ 08:33 a.m.

-15°: a haiku series

for my evening class
I walked through the blowing snow
and through the darkness.

in my black pea coat
like a Dickens character
'cause I'm committed

to academic mediocrity.

do you miss me, miss misery?
Monday, October 28, 2002 @ 04:40 p.m.

you know, people assume that my life is all fun and games, but they are wrong. My life is only about 65% fun and games. The rest:

5% waiting for the bus
4% reading edmonton journal comics
15% sleeping
2% Scrabble
8% coffee and Skittles
.4% studying for school
.6% watching Buffy

It's really nothing to be jealous of.

the future is friendly
Monday, October 28, 2002 @ 08:36 a.m.

"What are all those [clean-shaven caucasian frat boy type] guys doing wearing white shirts? Are they part of some kind of Asian gang?" -Jocelyn (note: it is only OK to accuse white people of being part of an Asian gang. Accusing Asian people of being involved would be offensive and racist.)

"I'm Emm Gryner. That has a lot of consonants. You'll find me at the record store between Guns 'n' Roses and... Gwar." -Emm Gryner, who played at the Sidetrack last Friday night

After the get-together at Alex's a short time ago, I left our big pot (which had contained rice pilaf, yum) in Courtney's trunk. My dad and I made a series of particularly amusing jokes:

"If the cops pull her over, she'll be like, 'It's not mine, I swear. I'm just holding it for a friend!'"

My family is pretty hilarious.

I'm bored and I can't think of anything to write about. Oh well.

Mukluk... mukluk
Sunday, October 27, 2002 @ 07:43 a.m.

Did you remember to turn your clocks back an hour? Of course you did! You're clever people!

James told me a story about Pirate Jocelyn, the 1st female first mate in pirate history, whose specialty was "raping and pillaging-- plundering a sideline only."

I found the third Buffy box set at the Week Book in for $16, and of course I bought it.

Worst. update. ever.

enthusastic, a litle bit drastic
Friday, October 25, 2002 @ 08:46 p.m.

"instead of standing and spitting in front of the YMCA... I don't know why they're always spitting." -My PoliSci prof, on building community centres to try to distract at-risk youth from lives of crime.

there's something different around here... I can't quite put my finger on it.

I pity the foo' who doesn't read the archives!

the internet is
i am always