now part of the information superhighway

"I feel very foolish."
"Oh, why?"
"Well, because I just mimed my cellphone and in fact I had it right here." -Die-Nasty Soap-A-Thon, hour 2 (or so)

"What are you going to do now?"
"Well, I'm going to prison... and then I'm going home." -Tunnels of Little Chicago

"The key to being the Navigatrix is to be assertive, as in, 'I am the Navigatrix! I know exactly where we are! We are not lost AT ALL!'" -me, explaining the tao of navigating secondary highways, on our road trip

Things in the left column:

the archives
an explanation
links
my guestbook
amazon wishlist

email me dude:


*/*

fait accomplit is the U of A CompLit department's literary journal. they are looking for submissions of poetry, art, short stories and essays for their next issue. (submissions do not have to come from U of A students.) email: faitaccomplit@hotmail.com

i'm currently reading...

fun! free! nutritious!

it means everything that has been erased

None of my friends have got a rock this big
Sunday, September 14, 2003 @ 10:07 a.m.

I bought a bicycle yesterday. It is red and cream, and it is a boy bike, and I really like it. I wanted to get streamers for the handlebars:

Jocelyn: "Oooh, dad, look."
Guy In Bike Shop: "You canNOT put those on that bike."

O-K. Attitude.

Anyway, there are a number of things I like about this bike: first of all, it is faster than walking; secondly, it allows me to exercise without participating in the "mass hysteria" of going to the gym; third, it is such an unobtrusive way to get around. People on sidewalks say hello to you, on a bike. I'm going to attempt to ride it to the university next week. I anticipate it will take about 45 minutes or an hour, which isn't too bad. For a bike.

Tonight The Metro is showing The Good, The Bad & The Ugly. I'm anticipating it greatly. I've seen it before, of course, but never at the metro. Did I mention that I am taking another film class this semester, filmmakers? We are studying Frank Capra, Walt Disney, and Steven Spielberg. During the first class it became apparent to me that yet another way my parents failed me was by not being as obsessed with Steven Spielberg as everyone else is, because I haven't seen many of his movies: E.T. (which I did not see as a kid, but recently, when Meghan couldn't believe I hadn't seen it), and at least one of the films from the Jurassic Park franchise, and, well, Shrek, and Evolution (sigh), and... well, OK, I've seen a lot of them, but not the ones that were part of the "canon" when I was a child.

Does anyone really like the Back to the Future movies? I can't remember ever having seen them, and I would like somebody to watch them with.

James is in Toronto and I miss him.

|

Just a link
Wednesday, September 10, 2003 @ 03:54 p.m.

I am becoming recently obsessed with rate my professors.com. I showed it to my dad, and he immediately used it to look up every single colleague he has ever had in higher ed. It was a very "junior high" moment.

|

"Stroganoff!" Say it with me!
Wednesday, September 10, 2003 @ 10:51 a.m.

I'm picking all the mushrooms out of leftover beef stroganoff and listening to Built to Spill and thinking about how depressed I am. I got paid today and I have three words for you: Not. Worth. It. My financial life is a complete and total mystery to me. Honestly. I skipped grade four and I've become convinced that that's when they must have taught the math skills everyone else in the world uses to live fiscally responsible lives.

Also there's an article in Time this week (I think it's time, it might be Maclean's to be honest, they have similar fonts and I was too lazy to look at the cover) on blogging. I hate being part of such a trendy trend. Also, I've been doing it for a long time and I'm not even famous. Clearly, other key skills were also taught in grade four: "Becoming an internet rock star." "Not freaking out about stuff." "Making new friends."

Sigh.

|

I never call, I never write
Monday, September 8, 2003 @ 05:25 p.m.

It's beginning to feel like fall around here. This pleases me a little, because it means great sweaters and wool hats and my personal favourite, fashionable scarves. But it also means that soon it will be time for seven months of misery. Abject misery! Coming soon to a website near you!

I'm taking a history of popular lit class this fall and thus far I'm really enjoying it. Anytime I take a class like this, related to popular media or pop culture theory, I feel really at home. I love Austen and Bronte and Shakespeare and Milton (that's a lie, I don't love Milton) as much as the next girl, but it's when I'm studying the contemporary and the popular (or the very recently popular) that I feel really at home. Probably this is because I have been sitting in a subtly seasoned pop-culture marinade for twenty years, and I've become infused with it, giving me a pleasant oaky flavour with an undertone of rosemary.

Are you impressed with that metaphor? No, neither is anyone else.

|

one day I'm gonna wake up cool
Thursday, September 4, 2003 @ 02:10 p.m.

Have you ever caught a fleeting glance of a beautiful girl on a bus-- a girl who may or may not be the most beautiful girl in the world-- and thought to yourself, God, I wish I was on that bus?

"Because I need this classroom, which has windows... through which I can see trees, and... automobile accidents..." -My new children's lit professor, who I think is going to provide me with lots of quotes for my website

I have four new classes (children's lit, renaissance drama, the history of popular lit., and a film class on either genres or auteurs, I don't know which because I haven't had it yet) and also a new locker. Someone left a very cryptic post-it note on said locker along with a magnetic poetry set, so I left them a brief but poignant poem: "This information is money."

I'm reading a Lloyd Alexander book right now-- getting ahead on my school reading while I still have energy-- and it brings back fond memories of the Vesper Holly books of his I read as a kid. Did anyone else read these? Vesper Holly was like a more kickass version of Nancy Drew, and she had these great adventures in semi-mythical places. She most importantly, she had an unflappable spirit (but not in an annoying way) and no football player boyfriend (as far as I can remember). Also, her clothes NEVER matched her convertible. Kind of like me, except for the football player boyfriend part, although James isn't a realy football player, in the strictest sense. Also I am somewhat flappable.

|

things you can buy for $12
Sunday, August 31, 2003 @ 08:52 p.m.

I went on my trip. I badly need a shower, but I will post pictures soon, and in the meantime...

the highlights: the torrington gopher museum in torrington, AB [which seems like some kind of death shrine... the aliens landing on earth in the future will dig up torrington and think, my god, this species worshipped death] - the Calgary zoo [no link necessary; as always, my favourites were the monkeys, and I was reminded of an anthropology professor of Meghan and Courtney's who joked that his thesis was entitled, "Monkeys... and the cute things they do"] - Donalda, AB-- home of the world's largest lamp, not to mention an oil lamp museum and an antiques store that was a kitsch-lover's dream - a rummage sale in Beideker where we bought "Dance Mix '93" for $2 - wandering over to our neighbours' campsite last night and delivering the following speech: "This is going to seem like a really weird question but... do you mind if we borrow your fire to cook our smokies? It will just take 5 minutes, I swear."

|

Perks of working in the campus used bookstore
Wednesday, August 27, 2003 @ 05:12 p.m.

1. I can find all the books I need for my classes, and hold them for myself.
2. I get a free slushie for every shift I work! Can you believe that? me neither!

Well, I don't know what he takes me for
but he's had me, and he'll take me more...

-martina sorbara

|

Everything is getting better and better
Monday, August 25, 2003 @ 07:14 p.m.

I started my fabulous new job today. (You have to imagine me saying that in my Miss Piggy voice-- as in, "We megastar TV journalists have to be punctual you know!") I am working at the U of A Student Union's consignment bookstore. Basically, with every McJob you have, you get better at performing all McJobs-- until after a certain point you're just a retail machine or a shelf-stocking machine or a learning-new-co-workers'-names machine or whatever. I don't mean to sound cynical, and I realize it probably sounds that way. All I mean is that you acquire so many of these general skills-- using your Phone Voice, giving the I'm-Sorry-But-I-Am-Really-Not-Going-To-Help-You speech to customers with weird requests, mastering new debit and Visa machines and convoluted point of sale computer systems-- that after a certain point it's not even difficult anymore. It's just work, a long continuum of work. Only the environment changes.

So yes, I am working two jobs until school starts, and James' conclusion ("You have two jobs now! You can pay for everything!") is unfortunately false. However I will not run out of money, not even when I line up to buy my own books in about a week and a half. And that is a good feeling, one of the best. The "Your card has not been declined" feeling. The "Approved" feeling. They approve! Of me! And my mad budgeting skills!

Also, this coming weekend I depart with two dear friends on our annual cheezy-roadside-attractions road trip. Send me your address (in am email, silly) and I'll send you a postcard from the cheezy destination of my choice.

PS: I went to three Fringe plays. One of them was terrible (We Found Love, etc. etc., Aboard the S. S. Farndale Avenue), one of them was pretty good (Hitchcock Blonde) and one of them was amazing (Inside the Sand Castle). I am hopefully going to one more later this week, Tunnels of Little Chicago, which was held over. And I bought a fabulous hat (Miss Piggy voice again). But I couldn't muster up much enthusiasm for the Fringe this year, possibly because I am still recovering emotionally from having my underwear systematically drenched repeatedly over a 48-hour period; also in no particular order sleeping on blue camping mattresses, having the skin on my feet grow over the everpresent dirt, and eating moist gorp.

|

And still I think of you
Friday, August 22, 2003 @ 08:23 a.m.

I got a new job, at a bookstore. Everything is coming up Jocelyn.

|

nothing better to worry about than rock and roll
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 @ 02:16 p.m.

Notes from the Yukon

everything in Whitehorse and Dawson City is written in that Klondike gold rush font. You keep saying/The past is not dead/well stop and smell the smoke...

[Boarding on my flight home, which will take 5 hours including a stopover in Calgary]
Jocelyn: "Are we allowed to get off the plane in Calgary and get something to eat?"
Flight attendant: "No, not really."
Jocelyn: "Well, is there food on this flight?"
FA: "Well, there's a veggie plate."

Helpful French phrases for canoeing with Swiss people

Oh mon Dieu, un ours mange mes pieds - Oh my God, a bear is eating my feet
On va mourir ici, dans le milieu du lac frigide, tout mouilles - We're going to die here, in the middle of this frigid lake, soaking wet
Je ne peut pas senser mes droits. - I can't feel my fingers.
Je vais te tuer. - I'm going to kill you.
Vraiment. - Really.
Je deteste ca. - I hate this.

A note I wrote to myself in my journal:

Dear future Jocelyn,

You hate camping and canoeing. Do not start thinking you like it because you don't and you are crazy.

Love,
Past Jocelyn.

I had a job interview today and I think it went pretty well.

|

cause it makes me feel famous, when the phone is for me
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 @ 10:44 a.m.

Hi. I'm back.

I joined Friendster and it reminds me of elementary school in that no one is my friend (ster). LAME. So if you use it please befriend (ster) me.

My trip was terrible and it's really too traumatizing to talk about it.

|

travelling faster than the news of an after-bar party
Thursday, August 7, 2003 @ 05:13 p.m.

I'm going on vacation. Not one of those pseudo-vacations internet people take, where they're like "I'm gonna be off-line for awhile," but they still check their email and their stats... oh no, this is a real, canoeing-in-the-wilderness vacation. With canoes. And lifejackets. And Swiss people. And a mini espresso maker. So, send me email and leave me comments telling me how much you miss me; leave all those files on my desk, i'll look at 'em when I get back; and no, you can't borrow my new Carolyn Mark CD.

Have a good week!

Back on the 19th,
Jocelyn

|

I love fametracker...
Wednesday, August 6, 2003 @ 10:32 a.m.

but especially when they answer the question, Why is Christopher Walken in so many terrible movies? Answer: in order to get Christopher Walken to be in your movie, even if it is clearly going to suuuuuuuck, all you have to do is ask him.

Meghan and I went to see Tomb Raider. I didn't think it sucked too completely. (Warning: spoilers ahead. highlight) My favourite part was when Angelina Jolie killed her boyfriend. You know, sometimes you gotta do that, if a guy's getting in the way of your independence.

This was the funniest thing I said yesterday, and I said it loudly in a dark theatre during an "exciting" part in the movie.
"The Africans thought they were spirit guardians, but really they were just monkeys."

There you have it, folks.

I can't install my USB port because I don't have the right Windows upgrade! Damn you OK computer.

|

Work. Work. Work.
Tuesday, August 5, 2003 @ 09:46 a.m.

I had a dream last night in which I had to take a placement test at CCI, where I work. They placed me in junior-high Math and English classes. I told the teachers, "I'm almost done my bachelor's degree in English! I don't have to take grade 9 English again!" And they didn't believe a word. Math was worse, though, because while I could certainly pass high-school English-- I would wow the teacher with my talk of pathetic fallacy and trope-- I seriously doubt I could make it past math again. It was nightmarish enough the first (real) time.

|

I'm a bandit
Monday, August 4, 2003 @ 11:43 a.m.

My attempts to buy a minidisc player were foiled by the fact that I do not have a USB port on my computer. This is because my computer is stupidly old (sorry computer, but it's true). So, I can buy a PCI card to add a USB port to my computer, but I will have to upgrade to a newer version of windows to install it-- Windows 95 (!) won't recognize a USB port at all. Total extra cost is minimal, but total extra annoyance is super-sized.

James: "I have a copy of WIndows 98 you can use... but it's illegal."
Meghan: "But she's only installing it so she can burn illegal MP3s to minidiscs."

I went to see Corb Lund play at the Plant last night. It was a fun show-- very foot-thumping, thigh-slapping, or whatever body-part+verb phrase you can come up with-- but the opening acts were sort of bad. The first guy had apparently written a song about every exprerience he'd ever had. For example, "This is a song I wrote about the time I accidentally shrunk some of my underwear in the laundry." "This is a song I wrote about walking to Mac's to buy milk at 3 in the morning." "This is a song I wrote about the time I played at a dive bar in Kelowna." And so on. Basically, my website is the internet equivalent of that, but at least I don't make people pay to hear me.

I'm going to see OWNING MAHONEY today. Do I love Phillip Seymour Hoffman more than sweet life itself? Almost, yes. Besides, the movie is set in Toronto. For once they're making a movie in Toronto that's actually supposed to be taking place there! (Unlike all the Hollywood movies that were TOTALLY shot in Canadian cities only it's supposed to be New York or Seattle or whatever... like that dumb ECKS VS. SEVER movie, which I watched a couple weeks ago with James and his friends, and the cars on the freeway had B.C. license plates. And there were Canadian flags on all the buildings. Like, did they just run out of money for fake American flags?)

|