deletia
"This would have been the Greeks' first encounter... with elephants." -My sister's Classics prof
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the word of the day is "capitulate"
Sunday, December 19, 2004 @ 11:03 p.m.

On Friday night Caleb and I were attempting to make a fire using a pile of logs and newspaper, and a child-proof barbeque lighter, which I grappled with for several minutes.
Caleb: Joce-in, do you know how to do this?
Jocelyn: Yes, I do! I'm a grown-up!
Caleb [looking at me suspiciously]: O-K.

Honestly, I can try to justify it, but the truth is that I'm not sure I'm a grown-up. Or if I am, only compared to a five-year-old. Even if I am turning 22 in 3 business days.

Meghan: Are you still thinking of moving out sometime soon?
Me: Yeah, I hope so... maybe in a few months
Meghan: But what are you going to do for furniture?

I have the following furniture: single bed, 4 bookcases (with insufficient room for my books), desk and chair, dresser, oak cabinet, cedar chest, fabulous red velour chair I bought for $12. I guess that means I am missing a few key items including: sofa, table, chairs, storage, TV, etc. However I know from playing The Sims that all you REALLY need is a fridge, a toilet, a coffee machine, a TV, and a phone. (Although I don't have any of those things, except a phone) So. We'll see who's a grown-up! Ha-HA!

I love the people who wrote me haikus best of all. After the people who wrote me haikus, I love being done finals, curly fries, and the surprisingly in-depth simpsons book I am currently reading. And working on Christmas Eve. No wait, I hate that. Never mind.

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that man is my exact double!
Friday, December 17, 2004 @ 11:56 a.m.

Under your hair done this way and done that way,
Behind what looked like rebounds
And the cascade of cries diminuendo,
You were unaffected.
You were gold-jacketed, solid silver,
Nickel-tipped. Trajectory perfect
As through ether. Even the cheek-scar,
Where you seemed to have side-swiped concrete,
Served as a rifling groove
To keep you true.
-Ted Hughes, "The Shot" (From Birthday Letters)

I write my last final tomorrow (at least partly on Sylvia Plath), and then I am done. Doney mcdonedone! I have one more class next semester, but that is so long from now... weeks and weeks. And then my degree will be finished, and I will become a grown-up. No, for real.

I am doing nothing. I played Majesty this morning, so I've already got my violence done for the day-- killing peasants with a single blow of my magic sun-fire balls. But they started it. (My sister, darkly: "Whatever gets you through the night.")

Off to watch either Buffy, or Sylvia: The worst Movie Ever (which my prof informed us soberly, "I can't turn into 'Sylvia: The Musical!'"),
Jocelyn

PS. AN entire school semester fit on one page. I'm sorry I don't love you more.

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terrible calm, terrible cold
Friday, December 10, 2004 @ 10:23 a.m.

I am bored, so I phoned James to ask him for ideas of what I should do and he suggested (a) "update your website, you lazy girl" and (b) "bake cookies for me." So I am doing the first one.

In the upstairs hallway of the humanities centre is a blackboard, with chalk, and it represents one of the only true forums for democratic expression on the u of a campus. People draw cartoons on it, and write messages like "No war but class war" and "I'm so hammered" and "Allison, we've gone to the Plant, meet us there after the exam." And people freely erase and change what is written there. I always make a point of reading it when I'm at school, but I've never written anything. I don't know anything important enough to warrant sharing with hundreds of people.

"And then, eventually, the New York skyline would appear on the horizon and we would all stop talking. If you happen to live there, it's always refreshing to view Manhattan from afar. Up close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless." -David Sedaris, The Great Leap Forward

It is less than two weeks to my birthday! Soon I will be 22, and that is 4.8% better than 21. Jocelyn: Now with 4.8% more ageTM. Buy me stuff. Or at least write a song about me. Or a haiku! I will settle for a haiku!

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a bad day
Monday, December 6, 2004 @ 01:07 p.m.

since when do i ever get a c+ on an English paper?

Since NOW.

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jocelyn's short annotated christmas list
Wednesday, December 1, 2004 @ 01:28 p.m.

I would really like one of these shirts for Christmas or my birthday. I love robots, especially robots that have had their hearts broken!
I could also really use a meta-shirt (link courtest of Phil)

I went to the undergraduate services office today to confirm that they did my program check, and they did, and I really am going to be graduating in June. June 10 to be exact. So that's exciting, just the idea of being done. I'm not sure that I will go to convocation though. I mean, it's not that much of a thrill for me, and you have to pay for the gown rental and such. I might as well just reinvest that money in more education.

James and I watched Jeopardy last night and Ken Jennings did indeed lose, just as the internet had predicted. It wasn't as satisfying as I had expected though. He seems like a nice man, and he was a very gracious loser, not sulking or anything. So it's hard to really resent him. Even if he does know more trivia than the rest of us put together.

I don't really have anything to do now, and it's very disorienting. Do you think you could assign me some homework?

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times,
Jocelyn

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i don't think you're ready for this jelly
Monday, November 29, 2004 @ 01:27 p.m.

An interesting project: murmur, a project based in Toronto where you can phone a number on your cellphone and hear a story about the location you're currently visiting. I like this emphasis that is starting to emerge, in various kinds of underground and non-underground ways, on storytelling. I think it's a healthy way for us to make something of ourselves.

i worked my very last post office shift today. I feel jubilant, or I would if I had time to stop and think about it. Internet, if I ever think I'm going to work in a post office again, send me an internet-email reminding me that it is a bad idea.

I am updating from a public lab at the u of a, and i'm aware that as i type this i am kicking my chair in rhythm with new end original. and the person next to me is updating their blog: "I can't believe the girl next to me, she's kicking her chair..." well, i hate you too, you fucking hipster.

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with nothing to think about
Sunday, November 28, 2004 @ 03:40 p.m.

Minister: "And the word was with God, and the word was God..."
My sister, whispering to me: "Word."

All my papers are written now, internet! That means that from now until about Jan. 4 it's just party, party, party for me. And Simpsons! And reading the David Sedaris book I made my dad buy for me! And, I know I'm a dork, but I'm really looking forward to doing some knitting. And maybe... (drumroll) REDESIGNING MY WEBPAGE (let's calculate those odds, people)

i wrote a haiku. it's called "free time":
i should be reading
film adaptation theory
but i choose not to.

"Faithfulness to a form, literary or otherwise, is illusory; what matters is the EQUIVALENCE IN MEANING OF THE FORMS" -Andre Bazin, Cinema as Digest

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Tentative term paper title
Tuesday, November 23, 2004 @ 10:44 p.m.

"The book In The Cut is pretty bad but the movie is even worse."

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shallow heart
Monday, November 22, 2004 @ 07:42 p.m.

boys who vote are SEXY...
except Ralph Klein.
"I voted for me - naturally," said the premier. "I'm looking forward to campaigning next time around for someone else." Campaigning? You mean actual campaigning? Like, with a platform? I thought the Alberta COnservative Party was no longer into campaigning! Unless it's for vague things like "the future," or "family values."

I get so angry around provincial election time, I get very snippy. If there was a party called "Anyone but Ralph," I would vote for them. If there were only two candidates in the election, and 1 was Ralph Klein, and the other was a sheep--a sheep with below-average intelligence and mad cow disease--I would still vote for the sheep. But I don't think I would put a sign in my yard.

So anyway... the polls close in ten minutes, so if you haven't already voted, it's probably too late. Shame on you. SHAME! Especially if you live in Edmonton, the only place where non-Conservative MLAs ever get elected. In fact the provincial Liberal and NDP parties didn't even have enough money to campaign or advertise anywhere but Edmonton this year. I feel sorry for all these Americans who are supposedly moving here to escape "cowboy conservatism," now that Canada is cool again (again?). Because there are enough rednecks around here, I'm sure they would ban birth control and gay marriage and the arts if they could. I should move to another province. Seriously.

The SimJocelyn died! It was very disturbing! She was pregnant, and she kept passing out from hunger and sleep deprivation, but she wouldn't eat because she was too tired and wouldn't sleep because she was too hungry. So the Grim Reaper showed up, and talked on his cellphone for awhile, and then took her away in a shaft of white light. I'm upset. She turned into an urn! A modestly priced receptacle! And the SimJames wouldn't help her because he needed to go to work. Not that I'm pointing any fingers here, but my simulated boyfriend was DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for my death. Not to mention the death of our unborn child. James! Sometimes other things are more important!

I don't normally read poetry, but I'm reading Ted Hughes' The Birthday Letters right now for a class, and enjoying it more than I expected to. I have to say, I find it hard to fathom, why anyone would want to make this kind of pain public. Unless it was some kind of defense against people who thought he killed Sylvia Plath.

James should think about releasing a book of poems about me now that I'm dead. Or an album of rock songs maybe.

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i need an adult!
Monday, November 22, 2004 @ 10:35 a.m.

i opened a savings account to save money for grad school. it now has $10 in it... that's really gonna get me far. i can buy new pens!

"I only go [to the Armoury-- a bar] when I am looking for slutty young women to go home with."
"I only go there when I'm looking for DRUNK." -Me, and Courtney

"She's my Rushmore, Max."
"I know. She was mine, too." -Herman, and Max, in RUSHMORE

Sorry, I'm so busy right now and I haven't been sleeping. One week from today, I will have handed in all 3 term papers and then I will be ready for fun, games, and bears (oh my!)

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Friday, November 19, 2004 @ 04:07 p.m.

i have a complete first draft of my paper on the tempest. yay!

google has a new tool: google scholar which supposedly will retrieve academic type articles and citations. And you thought the internet was just for porn!

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personal rhetoric
Friday, November 19, 2004 @ 09:07 a.m.

"Let us go forward, not backwards; upwards, not forwards, and twirling, twirling, always twirling, towards freedom." -Simpsons

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i unsubscribed from my german spam list, with a little help from the babelfish
Thursday, November 18, 2004 @ 09:30 a.m.

Very honoured subscriber market indicator EMS. Thank you that you held us so long the loyalty. Now you want us unfortunately to leave and have itself just from the transmission list delivered. Our further information can naturally still use you on our portals e.g. http://www.Meine Einkaufswelt.de... and if you liked, also again to the subscription to announce itself. With best greeting your team of market indicator EMS

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every good girl wants a pony
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 @ 07:24 p.m.

I'm at that stressed-out stage where I keep forgetting really obvious things, and I feel like I am going crazy.

Buffy Season VII comes out today on DVD but I have NO money. None. Not even $5.

I'm really sorry to hear that my friend Chris got robbed.

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tell albert camus, "i got some hot hot jokes i want to try on vous"
Sunday, November 14, 2004 @ 11:10 a.m.

I'm writing this research paper on the performance history of the Shakespeare play The Tempest, specifically how it was performed in the Victorian period as the European powers were establishing colonies in Africa. So the play was performed many times during this period, and just now I found a copy of Charles Kean's prompt-book from his 1857 performance at the U of A library. And I was SO excited. I said "wow" out loud. I had a sudden urge to go to the library in my sweatpants. I'm telling you this in case you still had any respect for me, cause now you don't.

I have been using this student borrowing calculator provided by my bank to figure out if I am going to be screwed for grad school. It appears not! Especially since the government is going to have to lend me some money. I'm trying not to stress out about these things, but I can't help it. Everything is looming. So instead I must focus on the task at hand: writing papers! And knitting!

My Nationstates country kicks ass. That's right, superb civil rights AND a strong economy. George Bush, I am looking at YOU.

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dispatch from the war zone
Friday, November 12, 2004 @ 04:54 p.m.

as I write this, i am under fire from my sister, who is throwing cork coasters at me. she's vicious.

as james would say: I NEED AN ADULT!

it's a four-day weekend here so you know what that means: jelly beans!

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some people like to go out dancing, and some people, they have to work
Friday, November 5, 2004 @ 11:59 a.m.

Caleb: Joce-in, what is this?
Jocelyn: A vampire.
Caleb: Where did it come from?
Jocelyn: Hmm, I don't know... Brooklyn?
Caleb: No, it came from the room upstairs!
Jocelyn: Oh, OK. Sorry.

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look out for the boy next door
Thursday, November 4, 2004 @ 12:36 p.m.

Teenage girl: Jesus is never mad at us if we live with Him in our hearts!
Tommy: I hate to break it to you, but He is. He most definitely is.
-I heart huckabees (again)

I was kind of depressed yesterday about the US election results. I am trying not to think about it now. Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined.

I don't want to panic anyone, myself least of all, but there are less than 5 weeks left in the semester. Then finals! Then done! (well, one more evening class next semester...) I went to fill out my Application for Degree form a couple days ago, and I was totally expecting to have to pay some kind of administrative fee. As I handed in my form:
Jocelyn: "Do I have to pay for this?"
Woman in the Arts Department Office: "No, it's free"
Jocelyn: "Oh, you mean IT'S INCLUDED WITH ALL THE TUITION I'VE PAID?"
Woman [sheepishly]: "yes"

my heart's been gone awhile with the truck-drivin' man who took it,
Jocelyn

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we did nothing, absolutely nothing that day
Wednesday, November 3, 2004 @ 08:51 a.m.

aaaaarrghhh!

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tuesday
Tuesday, November 2, 2004 @ 10:45 a.m.

it's weird that we get all these elections this year, the federal one in the summer, the municipal one a couple weeks ago, the American one today, and then the provincial one later this month. I get to vote in all of them, except the American one. But I am casting my internet vote for Kerry, because, as my co-worker's cool button says, "Kerry is less scary." Working in the post office is actually kind of fun these days, I'm meeting all these expat Americans who are sending in absentee ballots. Last week a guy told us he had been living here for more than 20 years, and this was the first time he had cast an absentee ballot, but he REALLY didn't want Bush to be re-elected. As most people in this country don't, I suspect. It's true, we hate freedom.

I've just come from yoga and I'm on my way to class but I wanted to stop by and say hi. This was the second c onsecutive yoga class which almost resulted in my crying. After about an hour of downward dog I am almost in tears, my muscles are cramping up so badly my arms and legs shake, and I am thinking, "never again." But then of course I do it again. That is the nature of pain; the memory of it is always so ethereal, it's hard to convince yourself you ever experienced it in the first place. Seriously though, I may give up on yoga. I keep expecting it to get easier, less painful and sort of zenny, and it never does. A girl can only take so much of this.

"I get so bored of Canadian lit. Like, 'Oh, I'm sad, life is hard, I hate it here."" -me, explaining to my mom my frustration with The Electrical Field, the latest book for my Cdn. minority lit class, which I finished last night, against my better judgement. Seriously. I dont mean to trivialize others' pain, which undoubtedly is valid and painful, but why, oh why, must I always read about it?

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aah! demon rabbit!
Saturday, October 30, 2004 @ 09:09 p.m.

My sister and I carved a pumpkin using a Frank (the scary demon rabbit from space in Donnie Darko) stencil from zombie pumpkins.com. It's really awesome. Come over to our house and we'll give you candy and let you watch Buffy with us! Wheee! I never dress up!

I was supposed to do all this homework and stuff today, but instead I did nothing. And I also didn't update my website.

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weblog-- normal method
Thursday, October 21, 2004 @ 05:15 p.m.

Recently the machines in my house-- breadmachine, dishwasher, furnace, and hot tub-- wake me up at all hours. it makes me feel displaced, like i'm never sure what time of day it is or what i should be doing.

it doesn't help that the sky is grey all the time-- it's really pretty actually, it doesn't look flat and far-away as usual but rather like the absence of sky, just a grey space where normally the sky is. there is no sun but the brightness of the snow is reflected and this makes it light outside. when i was little it was always surprising-- and frustrating-- to have snow for hallowe'en. it meant a bad year. we would have to put on costumes under snow-suits, and then unzip the jackets to show people. Or wear tutus over thick, rustle-y snowpants. These days the weather seems so screwed up that it's hard to be surprised by this premature snow and its astonishing power to accumulate-- more than 25 centimetres so far-- and so remain.

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weblog-- socratic method
Thursday, October 21, 2004 @ 05:12 p.m.

Internet: Jocelyn, where are you?
Jocelyn: Playing Sims. Leave me alone.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004 @ 11:44 a.m.

i have to go write a midterm in about 5 minutes but i wanted to stop by and say hi. after today i have four whole days with nothing due.

i'd like to be able to tell you that everything is fine but everything is in fact not fine.

the sims 2 makes me feel better, though. over the thanksgiving weekend i tried to explain to someone why i love this game so much, and came up with nothing. "so, you control everything, right? so what's the point?"

what i wish i had said: "the point is that you can make a version of real life that is like real life only prettier, simpler and more complicated, more romantic, and more poetic. you can make a version of the world where you might actually want to live, or never want to live."

it's your own vision writ large.

plus it never rains there.

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Friday, October 8, 2004 @ 11:47 a.m.

1. my sister bought the sims 2, and before coming home she left a cryptic message on my voicemail: "i bought a present... it's small and comes in a box which has people on it... but it's NOT season 2 of buffy."

2. i ate some fruit. so, that's something.

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Thursday, October 7, 2004 @ 05:17 p.m.

we did our presentation on richard eyre's movie iris, which is nice because it means all my presentations for the entire semester are now done. term papers take up a lot of time, but nothing can stress me out like a looming presentation. anyway, this presentation was problematic. apparently we pissed people off, and not in that good, "creating dialogue" way. good one, jocelyn. offending the people whose family members have suffered from Alzheimer's disease. and what did these people ever do to me? hopefully i at least got an 'a' in exchange for alienating a bunch of people who will never like me now, ever.

i went to see sarah harmer last night at the winspear and she was a delight. also, josh ritter opened for her and he was an unexpected pleasure. sometimes opening bands are so mediocre. he was from idaho and kept attributing things to the audience being canadian, such as, "As soon as I found out i was touring in canada i decided i should grow a beard."

i'm writing this on the pretty flatscreen monitors in the basement of cameron library, and it almost makes up for the fact that my computer at home is BROKEN. it shall have no name now, for it has gone back to its original home under the stairs. seriously. it's making me so depressed. i try to write on the computer in my family room, but i just get frustrated with the constant noise and disruptions and my family members asking me how to spell things. i need silence, a clean desk, and some background music when i write. otherwise i break down.

everything feels like too much. i have been letting things slide. i am beginning to realize i may never get to do the following things: relax, make it to two yoga classes in one week, see my boyfriend, eat things with gravy on them, write my paper about virgina woolf and postmodernism, buy "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" on dvd, win "deal with the demon" in the deeply stupid but inexplicably addictive game majesty.

but screaming at the internet won't help.

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Thursday, October 7, 2004 @ 08:36 a.m.

"But if sleep it was, of what nature, can we scarcely refrain from asking, are sleeps such as these? Are they remedial measures-- trances in which the most galling memories, events that seem likely to cripple life for ever, are brushed with a dark wing which rubs their harshness off and gilds them, even the ugliest and basest, with a lustre, an incandescence? Has the finger of death to be laid on the tumult of life from time to time lest it rend us asunder? Are we so made that we have to take death in small doses daily or we could not go on with the business of living?" -Virginia Woolf, Orlando

"You had a war. Every generation has a war-- except this one. But that's beside the point. The thing is not to makle excuses for the way you behaved-- not to take refuge in tragedy-- but to clarify who you are through your response to when you lived. If you can't do that, then you haven't made your contribution to the future..." -Timothy Findley, The Wars

Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined.

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Wednesday, October 6, 2004 @ 04:17 p.m.

"People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us." -Iris Murdoch

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Like Save Ferris, only different
Wednesday, September 29, 2004 @ 10:08 p.m.

I was reading Cynthia Sugar's "On The Rungs of the Double Helix: Theorizing the Canadian Literature," and my dad suggested, "You can call her the Lord of the Rungs."

And on that note this livejournal community is entirely devoted to saving elijah wood from a thousand untold dangers.

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seriously.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004 @ 06:45 p.m.

i got my nose pierced. right now it has a little steel stud in it, but later i hope to buy shiny things to put in it. so far i like having a pierced nose, except that i am aware my body is trying to get rid of this foreign object, and that makes me feel guilty. I wish i could offer consolation. "Hey, body! YOU HAVE TO CHILL."

James and I went to see COFFEE AND CIGARETTES and it's GREAT. "Groundhog Day, Ghostbustin' mutha-fucka' Bill Murray!" -The guy from the Wu-Tang Clan.

I never realized that that was Tom Waits in Mystery Men. That's so weird.

Oh, I bought the newest Lemony Snicket book but it promptly disappeared as soon as my sister learned I had it. Being in a family sucks, man. No one has any respect for personal property.

cover

Things you cannot buy from Amazon: nose studs, term papers, true love.

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rage, my darling, rage
Monday, September 27, 2004 @ 01:21 p.m.

I have a reserve book out of the library and I am using valuable reserve time typing this! I am such a badass.

Also Meghan and I went to the horse-races on Saturday and it was a lot of fun. I won $5.60, although I also paid $4 for bets, so really I only won $1.60. But it was still fun. And I kept calling "betting" "voting," as in, "Hey, that's the horse I voted for!" and all the aging, compulsive gamblers with thinning hair scowled at me.

The new old computer I have in my room has two problems:
1. No name (if you have good suggestions, leave me a comment. The winner of this mini-contest gets a mixtape or mix cd, or candy)
2. It spontaneously turns itself on. It took me awhile to realize it was doing this, and that it wasn't just me forgetting to turn it off. But the third time it did it, I was like, "OK, possessed nameless computer. I definitely turned you off last time. JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Instead of READING Macbeth as I was supposed to do yesterday, I made a "Macbeth" family in the Sims and then built them a castle. So now, when I head off to my Shakespeare class in 33 minutes, I shall have to rely on the notes I made in my book the last time I read this play... which was in Grade 11. So. "Uh, images of light and darkness?" "Fair is foul and foul is fair?" (High school English: 1. leitmotifs 2. appearance vs. reality)

(seriously)

I'm happy that James is coming home.

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updates on my family and entourage
Wednesday, September 22, 2004 @ 12:10 p.m.

  1. My DOG, Sir Toby Belch, has a million cute habits I don't need to tell you about but one I do. Whenever he goes for rides in cars, he is not allowed to be in the front seat because he tends to get underfoot-- he's small. So a compromise has been reached whereby he stands, with his back feet on the back seat and his front feet on the armrest between the two front seats, and he sticks his head out like those carvings on the front of ships. When we went to get my dad from the airport on Sunday night, we took the dog with us, and he stood like that the whole way, leaning his head on either my shoulder or my mother's. He has these ways of expression affection which are so typically HUMAN, and I always wonder if he does them instinctually or if he learned them from us.
  2. my DAD was asked by a complete stranger if he was the 96x $10,000 fugitive and he had no idea what she was talking about. I like how the 96X website clarifies that "the 96x fugitive isn't a terrorist of any kind." Because if you win money from a futigive, you're letting the terrorists win.
  3. my old 286 COMPUTER, Mr. Jones, who has provided years of steady and dependable term-paper writing and storage solutions, has finally bitten the dust. I compiled a new computer from parts I found in my basement, and this new one is actually better-- technologically advanced enough to run Windows 95. But I don't have a mouse for it so for the moment I'm trying to use DOS to do stuff with it... because Windows really is a pain to use with no mouse... and I was sad to realize that I've lost a lot of my mad DOS skillz from disuse. Anyway, I'm sad about the end of my old computer, which after all was covered with my stickers and which also has several years' worth of old journal entries on it which I can't currently access.

I'm feeling a lot better. It was nice that almost everyone I know phoned me yesterday. And last night I slept for HOURS-- it's funny how low your standards get when you're not feeling well, like, "I feel less and less like I'm going to die in the next ten minutes! YAY!" And today is a beautiful day, internet. I'm going to go play outside.

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Donnie Darko
Tuesday, September 21, 2004 @ 05:57 p.m.

Donnie: My parents didn't get me what I wanted for Christmas.
Dr. Thurman: What did you want?
Donnie: Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Dr. Thurman: And how did you feel, being denied these hungry, hungry hippos?
Donnie: Regret.

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i have taken so much NyQuil. Seriously. SO MUCH.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004 @ 03:18 p.m.

I laid in my bed for awhile waiting for death to overtake me, but it didn't happen, so I'm thinking: chocolate milk and Simpsons. You KNOW you know.

Is anyone else excited about the amazing race finale tonight? Or am I just a dork? Apparently they're visiting my home province (going to Calgary and Banff) so that's exciting. From the television without pity forums: the amazing race haiku thread. Some of them are pretty good.

I'm reading Virgina Woolf's Orlando. It's so serious and yet there are these little jokes, about writing and grammar and words. I always think of her as being Nicole Kidman, with a prosthetic nose, and it's hard to escape that conception. Because of course she's a great deal more.

If I do go to grad school in the fall, and I'm not saying for sure that I will, I will need to live somewhere. But the housing for U of A students is so crappy. That said, how can I possibly afford to live anywhere else? I'm going to have cinderblock furniture, and not in an ironic way.

ghah!

Please look after me.

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stranded
Monday, September 20, 2004 @ 11:21 a.m.

if you come home and your door is flung wide open
it means something is terribly wrong
or someone is finally gone

-paul bellows

I'm sick. i'm so sick, internet, and not in a hot co-eds fucking kind of way. i woke up and said out loud to myself, "fuccck," and then i called in sick to work and then i went back to sleep. but i have to go now, because i have a paper due today and a presentation. wtf? i know.

i watched "meet the parents" last night just because it was on TV. i had totally forgotten that owen wilson was in that movie! but then, if ben stiller is in a movie, the chance of owen wilson being in it is about 80%.

gggarrrrrgh.

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it's only love
Friday, September 17, 2004 @ 04:56 p.m.

i went to the library this afternoon to do some research on william charles macready, the victorian actor/manager, for my shakespeare class. but-- climax-- the catalogue is down. so-- denouement-- here I am, at home, not working on it again, and totally losing my inner cool.

It's sad to me that the Victorians thought they were in the mdist of a theatrical renaissance, but now academics are so condescending to them. Like, "Those cute Victorians! They were so repressed, they wouldn't know theatre if it sat on their face!"

metaphor face, not actual face. And metaphor theatre. Is there such thing as metaphor theatre?

i'm reading margaret laurence's the diviners and it's pretty great, for a book set in Manitoba, which is my least favourite province.

I'm having one bad day after another. Eventually they have to end, though. I feel sure of this. And when they do, I will still be here; Jocelyn 1 Universe 0.

aaaahhh! can't talk, too busy freaking out.

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poverty, and amazing race
Tuesday, September 14, 2004 @ 09:21 p.m.

aaah! how did i become so poor? I hate my life. seriously. It's like a big joke.

Apparently i am supposed to have king john read by tomorrow, or at least have taken what my professor termed "a flying leap at it." how much is a flying leap? 3 acts? Because i'm TIRED.

i lied about amazing race.

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i could be in love with almost everyone...
Monday, September 13, 2004 @ 04:01 p.m.

The best $8 I have spent recently was on a book from The Book Cellar, this bookstore in HUB mall that sells weird, seemingly random books at very cheap prices. I got Postmodern Pooh, the follow-up to The Pooh Perplex from 1963, both of which address Winnie-the-Pooh from a variety of lit-crit standpoints. The original was very of-the-60s: Marxism, etc.; this one follows trends in theory since then, so cultural materialism, postmodernism, feminism and queer theory, and so on.

'When he remembered Rabbit.' Rabbit the nosy busybody, the restless, envious brain, the all-around expert who always gets it wrong. Rabbit is discourse itself, particularly in its most seductively 'present' form, speech. And though Pooh never wants anything from Rabbit but food, it is no co-incidence that the act-ivation of his bodily need coincides with the prospect of his vulnerability to the Pooh books' most logorrheic talker. There is no free lunch, not even in the sacred forest of childhood. Once having felt a pang, we can gain our sustenance only be becoming dealers and supplicants within the web of signifiers, that differential network oftraces both producing and exceeding "meaning" without ever suplicating the object of desire. (7)

It's mental masturbation for English majors.

And you can buy these books through me, because I am a dork and I joined the amazon.ca referrals program-- although this might be dumb, because can Americans buy things through amazon.ca? I don't think so! So do whatever you want!

cover cover

I'm glad my friend Chris is back in the "world" (internet), and even better without his wisdom teeth.

PS. I produce over 12 tonnes of greenouse gases a year?!? Does that seem unreasonable to anyone else? It's because of my parents and all their stupid cars!

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greenhouse gases
Friday, September 10, 2004 @ 10:16 p.m.

at the risk of sounding like a dork (oh, SOUNDING LIKE ONE? Note to self: WHO AM I KIDDING?), how many tonnes of greenhouse gases do you produce every year?

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i know that it will hurt;
I know that it will break your heart, the way things are

Thursday, September 9, 2004 @ 06:00 p.m.

[my dad and I drive by a hand-lettered sign in such tiny, faint letters we had no chance of reading it.]

Dad: "For some reason, I didn't get a chance to read that."
Jocelyn: "It said, 'Do you find yourself getting places very slowly-- and having time to read long signs-- because you are walking? perhaps you should consider purchasing a faster form of transportation, such as a bicycle or an automobile.'"

Dodgeball is a silly movie with some funny, funny moments.

"This is a shocking turn of events."
"I feel shocked!"

If I had some money, I would buy some jewelry from alison. And I actually DID buy some buttons from boygirlparty.com, and they are hella cute. I now have a brontosaurus button on my backpack, advising people of my paleontological inclinations towards fantasy.

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yearly September game of class-Survivor
Wednesday, September 8, 2004 @ 06:08 p.m.

This is the time of year when I go to a thousand classes, and then eliminate the least cool-seeming ones based on reading list, workload and instructor charisma. I'm thinking of also incorporating a thing where previous classes I've taken can come back and vote on which classes I should take now.

Earlier today the campus was awash in freshmen-- little, spiky-shoe-wearing, tiny-bag-toting freshmen. These people will adapt, eventually coming to class in sweatpants with slogans written across the bum, or they will perish. They will not survive.

Also it's maybe going to snow tonight/tomorrow. All day at work (in between classes) I would get updates from customers. "Is it snowing?" "Is it still raining?" "Does it look like it's trying to snow?" And I scowled at them if they gave me answers I didn't like, ie., "yes."

I miss my friend Meghan, who is in the hospital.

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Sunday, September 5, 2004 @ 10:09 a.m.

I don't know... Internet?

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fun! free! nutritious!