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26/01/00 04:58 p.m.
Angie: i'll update when you do, darling.
go, take some tests, and then come back.
Sunday, January 23, 2000 [again] 11:02 p.m.
I just had to share the results of my thespark.com tests. forone thing: i got love matches with angie and chris, and i apologize to everyone else who i might have entered into my thing. i didn't realize it was going to send you e-mail. sorry.
more importantly: i will have two sexual partners in my life, only one of whom i will love. the reason i avoid taking tests online is that i inevitably find out what a loser i am. but: there is a 71% chance i will die while having sex. presumably with the second partner (sorry)
and lastly: i am going to die in 2058. i think that's bizarre. 2058 sounds like a science fiction movie, but it's 58 years from now. does that seem surreal to anyone else? we are rapidly approaching the point where our culture will have caught up with the past's visions of the future.
whoa, sorry. I had a microserfs moment.
one year ago today i was wondering if i was pretty and ultimately decided i probably wasn't. the past is a strange and nebulous thing.
i am lazy so i present: excerpts from deletia.
Today: Sunday, January 23, 2000 05:21 p.m.
an ode on my new MEC fleece vest
[intimations of immortality]
you make me feel so athletic
you hide the signs of my sedimentary lifestyle
you comfort me
you are my kevlar
you are such a stylish colour
you are my housecoast in disguise
you are my comfort blanket
how do you spell WHORE, BITCH?
mcreview: three kings
starring: george clooney, md; the artist formerly known as marky mark; a good-looking black guy whose name i don't know.
- it has a happy ending
- george clooney doesn't act like he's better than everyone else
- many mentions of george buch (v. confusing)
- three guys traipse around the desert acting stoopid and shooting footballs. good, clean fun. only one sex scene, which they only put in to convince george clooney to sign the contract.
let me tell you a story/it's not all it's cracked up to be
you will step into a world of enchanted decadence. friends you've never met will step out of thin air, will greet you with sophisticated kisses-in-the-air or bear-hugs, whichever your aura seems to be lacking. you will be ushered to a floating seat in a pool the colour of the future. you and i, together; we will drink orange juice out of plastic wineglasses, eat oreo cookies, and ask each other questions through the mist rising off the water. no one will be alone, and the night will never end.
theodoraisabella outgrows her passion for horses, marries a dairy-farmer from lloydminister, and they move out there for good to raise dairy cattle. they have four kids, all girls. she and her husband meet their friends for coffee every morning at tim horton's. she's happier than you might think.
- when we were in the hot tub, angie and i both tried to pick meghan up ("what's a nice girl like you doing in a hot tub like this?") but to no avail; she was too busy dancing with the bromine dispenser ("i don't like you personifying the bromine dispenser." "you mean michael?"). "how does that song go?" "putting on the ritz." meghan, singing and spinning the bromine mushroom through the air: "putting on the ritz..." it lands in the immediate vicinity of chris's "family jewels". "don't put it ON the ritz. how about NEXT TO THE RITZ?" "sorry, Chris."
- playing scrabble: "pornofuel is not a word." for the rest of the evening: "powered by pornofuel!"
- "whoa, i just remembered that scrabble makes me into a competitive bitch."
in my social homework: "the disadvantage to the technique of neutrality is that neutral nations do not take part in any fun activities."
jocelyn: "we have found the epiphany of funny. you have to wait for meghan to get down here."
meghan (recounting an episode of i love lucy): "loooooocy! where is my DINNNNNNNER? what am i going to DOOOOOOO? where is the KITTTTCHENNNNNN? LOOOOOOOOCCCCCY! did you pick up my suit from the cleaner's? how will i get through this DAAAAAAAY?"
chris: "isn't it epitome?"
"and can we have extra sauce?"
random moment: sitting in the hot tub, we saw the huge automated banks of lights on the telus building go out in blocks. surreal. "they have the lights on computers so it looks like people are working."
I have a helicopter landing pad on my lower back.
Saturday, January 22, 2000 03:21 p.m.
I'm in a much better mood.
thought for the day: if you rearrange the middle letters of "pita," that spells "pitsa," which sounds kind of like "pizza." think about it.
i am in a much better mood because:
- Chris made a list for me
- i am going to buy a fleece vest of my own at the MEC (hooray for clothes that make me look at least kind of athletic)
- midterm week coming up! i know it makes me a bad person but i love midterms. no work. drop-in system of school. also: the feeling that you are living on the edge, and any mistake you make could resign you to a life working at Wendy's. (this feeling is better during diplomas though.)
Angie phoned yesterday while Chris and I were playing LEGO and didn't seem to believe that that's what we were actually doing. Apparently "LEGO" is a euphemism for something mysterious. Apparently, everyone thinks we spend all our spare time having sex.
today, i write an entry inspired by the Pokemon movie.
Wednesday, January 19, 2000 07:45 p.m.
Jocelyn! Jocelyn. Jocelyn; jocelyn. Jocelynjocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn? Jocelyn. Jocelyn, Jocelyn. Joce
lyn. Jocelyn. Jocelyn, Jocelyn, Jocelyn. Jocelyn; Jocelyn! Jocelyn? Jocelyn! Jocelyn. Jocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn. Jocelyn; jocelyn. Jocelynjocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn? Jocelyn. Jocelyn, Jocelyn. Jocelyn! Jocelyn Jocelyn Jocelyn Jocelyn. Jocelyn Jocelyn! Jocelyn, Jocelyn; Jocelyn. Jocelyn & Jocelyn.
Funny how once you type something enough times it loses all meaning and becomes merely a set of characters like any other set. I'm sure that was a struggle for the scriptwriters of the Pokemon movie-- if that movie even had scriptwriters.
Jocelynjocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn? Jocelyn. Jocelyn, Jocelyn. Jocelyn! Jocelyn Jocelyn Jocelyn Jocelyn. Jocelyn Jocelyn! Jocelyn, Jocelyn; Jocelyn. Jocelyn & Jocelyn. Jocelyn? Joce'lyn. Jocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn Jocelyn. Jocelyn. Jocelyn Jocelyn. Jocelyn? Jocelyn! Jocelyn. Jocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn. Jocelyn; jocelyn. Jocelynjocelynjocelyn. Jocelyn? Jocelyn. Jocelyn, Jocelyn. Jocelyn!
Tuesday, January 18, 2000 06:12 p.m.
question: how can i be unhappy if i answered yest o 5 out of six relationship questions on my calm quiz?
elegant mahjongg solitaire in shockwave
[fucking] Tuesday, January 18, 2000 05:53 p.m.
thought for the day: if i had more knowledge of cgis i could make an elegant and useful quizlet on my website, asking each visitor what they think i should do with my relationships.
other thought for the day: if i had the right aura, i could become the ruler of one hundred thousand ghanaians. (more on this later when I am in the mood.)
it's kind of nice knowing that no one except Angie ever reads my pita, or anything else i do on the web, so i can say anything i want... I mean, i could say "Chris is driving me crazy, making me miserable, and ruining my interior monologue," and it wouldn't matter, because no one would know! I might as well have a journal, one of those lockable ones that teenage girls get to write insults and bad poetry in. In honour of my virtual-journal pita, I will write a bad teenage poem for today:
i can't believe everything that's happening
he interrupts me, ignores me, doesn't look at me,
just generally drives me crazy
it's like he doesn't care about anything i do
it's like he never sees me at all
it's like i'm static
if he really loves me he'd come find me in the bathroom
(even if it was the girls' bathroom)
and SLAP SOME SENSE INTO ME!
(he does really love me though)
he tries really hard.
all he can do is try-- he still doesn't get it right-- that's the problem.
why doesn't he just SEND ME SOME FUCKING E-MAIL?
he knows i'd forgive him if he'd do one thing right
(i think we have already forgiven each other for everything we have done)
(and everything we have not done yet)
(to ourselves and to each other)
there's the rub
so cam and angie are going out now
i'm glad about that, except that it makes me feel
old-- just incredibly old--
and cynical, and jaded.
I might as well cackle "relationships are't worth it"
and retire into my house on chicken feet
you know?
Oh well. I'm miserable. Drop the boy? Or just try to kick some relationship sense into him? Or am I the problem? (revelation!) That's the lowdown, today's pita. Love you all. Try jiggling the handle.
download a full set of little miss icons.
Saturday, January 8, 2000 10:56 p.m.
Oh, boy! You can now think of me (little Miss Splendid) every time you load windows. I love the little miss books and I am glad to know that I have spread this affection to all my friends, or at least the female ones.
Image for yesterday: all six of us toboggoning down Cameron's (Camryn's) hill very slowly, legs sticking out.
Also: me terrifying Chris's cat so much that he thought it might have run outside and we had to spend several minutes looking for it. Chris's cat hates me, but I am confident it will die before I do. Joy!
Also: all of our glistening legs like spokes in the giant hot-tub wheel. And Cam and Angie rolling around in the snow. Ah, those were the days.
I had some kind of dream about my grandparents' house, and it involved an old piece of machinery and a doll made of string.
I watched Muppets From Space again.
Well, not a lot is happening to me. I just figured I should write a little something to keep myself occupied. I'm staying up too late again. My 286 has said "2000" for several days-- joy!
I wish I had someone to play cribbage with. Me and my family tried to learn Mah Jongg tonight. I was East Wind, and I kicked ass. I didn't win though. I never win. That is one of the reasons I am wonderful.
There are many more, and I made a list which I have been too lazy to update.
Let's see: yummy spanish rice. muppets. little miss trouble. the cold war/the vietnam war. LEGO. these are a few of the things with which I am keeping myself occupied. Also: Hamlet.
My horrid image doth unfix my own hair,
Jocelyn.
PS. That was the most boring entry ever. Okay: I HAD SEX ALL OVER THE FLOOR IN MY BASEMENT. (Not true, but it's written in all-caps so that's something, right?)
Saturday, January 1, 2000 01:57 p.m.
Happy New Year!
Nothing exciting happened. Nothing at all. Even my 286 turned over to the year 2000 without a hitch. At this rate, a TV movie will never be made about my life.
internet movie database (where i am right now)
Thursday, December 30, 1999 (tomorrow is New Year's Eve!) 01:09 p.m.
last night we watched enemy of the state. i was so confused while watching it. no compute.
I was at my grandparents' and they gave me THEIR OLD PERFORMA COMPUTER. I gave it to my sister.
Well, Christmas is over. Homework time. Work time.
Two other movies: Cider House Rules and Splash.
Too many little shortbread cookies and a metallic degas puzzle in a pear tree.
Can you tell I'm just feeling guilty?
Love ya,
Jocelyn
[PS: what i meant to say was, why didn't I just tell you in the first place? What i meant to say was the world-is-happening-all-around-us. What I meant to say was: oops, not Faye Dunaway, but me. Me!]
if that link works, the internet is a bad place.
Wednesday, December 22, 1999 10:36 p.m.
what deep fryers can fry.
tomatoes.
lettuce.
small rodents.
Elvis wigs pentium drives sunken living rooms christmas trees.
pitas.
chorus: oh, these are only a few things deep fryers can fry
those sweet deep fryers, you gotta love 'em
i ate nothing but swiss chalet french fries for lunch once for an entire year
you should have seen how fat I was!
tomorrow is my birthday.
boys and girl
christmas jam, bubble bath, and delicious pepperoni pizza
poems
these are only a few of the things deep fryers can fry.
chorus: oh, these are only a few things deep fryers can fry
those sweet deep fryers, you gotta love 'em
i ate nothing but swiss chalet french fries for lunch once for an entire year
you should have seen how fat I was!
tomorrow is my birthday.
cinnamon buns, iced tea, vodka martinis
swizzle sticks, tupperware, powder-blue jogging suits
mayonnaise
repeat chorus twice, then holler loudly
those sweet deep fryers, you gotta love 'em...
I'm still working on the iambic pentameter.
In case you missed it, tomorrow is my birthday.
Love,
Jocelyn
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