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"I might've been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was my name." -Reba McEntire (via Meghan)

"This is ancient earth's most foolish program. Why does not Ross, the largest friend, simply eat the other five?" -Futurama

"She'll turn you in before you can say... 'Don't turn me in, lady.'" -Jayne, Firefly

"'Steve'? Who names a dog 'Steve'?"
"Tom Cruz."
-Veronica Mars

"And they rode on, into the friscilating dusklight." -The Royal Tenebaums
Friday, April 28, 2006 @ 03:12 p.m.

Normally, when I read, I don't have any thoughts about what the author looks like. This is because when I read fiction the author is a moot point. But when I read essays, especially essays that are written in the first person, I can't help but formulate some idea of what the author must look like. Often, the author (whoever they may be) has crazy hair, because authors generally have crazy hair. (Margaret Atwood, Robertson Davies, and Kurt Vonnegut all have crazy hair for example.) Sometimes they have very dignified hats, like Stephen Leacock, especially essayists. Also, they wear jackets with curdoroy patches on the elbows, even the women. Especially the women.

So at the moment I am reading David Foster Wallace's Consider the Lobster and Other Essays, a book which (I am embarrassed to admit) I bought for one main reason: I own another book about lobsters, Trevor Corson's The Secret Life of Lobsters, and in my librarything account that book is tagged "lobsters," and it seemed silly to me to have a tag for a single book. So if I bought another book with lobsters in it, I reasoned, it would form a much better justification for having a tag. I know that cataloguing terms are supposed to be formed on literary merit, meaning based on what the collection demands, and my book collection demands a tag "lobsters." But all the same it seemed rational. Besides, maybe this could be the beginning of a world-class collection of lobster books, and on my death I can bequeath them to a prestigious university library, like a literary superstar.

I had previously encountered Wallace's idea that sincerity might be the new irony, introduced in his essay "E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction," (Which I read only blockquoted, somewhere else) and I had my mind blown, and then this book was about (partly) lobsters, so I decided to go for it.

But this brings me back to my original point: in my mind, after having read about half this book, David Foster Wallace was a guy about my father's age, sort of snarky but intentional, looking like a cross between Garrison Keillor and my Sociology 100 professor.

But actually he looks like Val Kilmer.

It's weird. That's all I'm saying. Holy footnotes, Batman!

Tee hee: from the Onion: Girlfriend Stops Reading David Foster Wallace Breakup Letter At Page 20. Snarky!

On a similar note, I am also reading Richard Flanagan's Gould's Book of Fish: A Novel in Twelve Fish, and the main reason for that is that its title contains the phrase "a novel in twelve fish." This is like the lobster thing. I cannot resist literary works concerning ocean creatures. It's my kryptonite.

(The kind of kryptonite that is like your secret weakness, potentially leading to your superhero downfall... not the kind of kryptonite that makes you stronger or lets you go without sleep or gives you pecs of steel... I don't know anything about Superman but obscure references to it in other contexts have led me to believe that possibly this expression "kryptonite" is misapplied in popular culture. If anyone knows, feel free to enlighten me.)

Wow, that was long. Do I seem more long-winded than usual? That's what comes of reading essays! I start to get uppity, and I forget my place. I start to think there should be essays written about everything, even other essays.

I'm taking a month off now.

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Everything is Illuminated
Wednesday, April 26, 2006 @ 05:24 p.m.

"She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum." -Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

I really loved this book. The writing was so lucid and sad, it reminded me of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And coming from me, that is the highest compliment.

I have nothing else to say.

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Monday, April 24, 2006 @ 01:33 p.m.

I am pleased to announce that someone found this page by searching google for in the great gatsby what organs does the convicts friend like to eat. Where do I start?

Never mind. Livers. And gall bladders.

I also get an awful lot of referrals from searches for hot moms, sexy moms, and home movies, in various combinations. Although recently I have also gotten hits for "schnauzerpug" and "Girls gone mild." Weird. I thought I was the only person who had made those things up.

Recent things I like: Everything is Illuminated, my new american apparel hoodie that is lined with pink long underwear material, the movie Friends With Money, and real money.

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only 2 quotes
Friday, April 21, 2006 @ 01:36 p.m.

"Did my fame precede me, or was I too quick for it?" -Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

"clearly, no one expects to discover anything." -Jorge Luis Borges, The Library of Babel

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I got Courtney a remote-controlled ambulance from the dollar store. and it ACTUALLY WORKED
Tuesday, April 18, 2006 @ 09:56 p.m.

ambulance 004

ambulance 003

ambulance 002

ambulance 001

Finally: download the movie. I'm expecting the Oscar people to phone me any minute.

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just a taste of you is all i need
Friday, April 14, 2006 @ 09:52 a.m.

I learned how to make pancakes today! Oh yes! and I made them perfectly. I even had the technology, i.e., a special giant flipper from the dollar store, whose packaging stated that it would "Meet all my flipping needs!" And so far it has certainly lived up to that promise. I told James about the giant flipper and he was like, "Chicks and their flippin' needs." Later, in an unrelated incident, I flipped him on the bum with it. Satisfying.

So here's my question: Does syrup live in the fridge? I'm confused. There is nothing on the package about refrigerating, but it does cryptically say, right next to Aunt Jemima's head, "Dairy."

I don't have a summer job, not really. So I am going to read all the books on my list of books I should read and learn to make more of the foods the Sims eat. And make a chopstick clock. And get my electricity cut off.

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my road buddy?
Tuesday, April 11, 2006 @ 06:32 p.m.

"What's your name?"
"'High-Spade Frank Wilson. With a hyphen-- that's what I sit on when I get tired." -Winchester '73

"Plus, we could use the money-- wouldn't it be nice to have glasses in the kitchen that didn't have Hamburglar on them?" -Veronica Mars

Hi guys. I am currently occupied with the Research Proposal That Is Ruining My LifeTM. I spend 14 hours a day staring at a computer screen and 1 hour a day watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent.

I've been thinking about why I like this show, and I think it's really a form of narcissism. These police are so sharp and competent and sneaky and knowledgeable, and they devote those efforts to mere mortals who have had the misfortune to die- often horribly. I fantasize about having someone pay that much attention to me. All I have to do is die, and Vincent D'Onofrio will be interested in me!

I'm just kidding. kinda.

The fun part (fun?) about this aforementioned proposal is that it's purely hypothetical, so we can create our own budgets and such. I enjoy the fantasy aspect of it. I have decided to attend a random second-tier library conference in 2008 because it is in australia. And my grant is paying for it. I love spending virtual money. When my budget spreadsheet spit out a final figure in the range of $ 30,000, I was like, "damn straight!"

The problem with this research proposal, conversely, is that it is worth a lot of marks: 40%. Up until today, I was sort of not worrying about how I did in the class, but today I got the second-last assignment back and I did kind of well on it. Which sucks. Because now I care! Even though I hate this class, now, my suck-up brain is going, "well, we're doing so well. might as well try."

Don't ask me why my brain refers to itself and me as "we." I haven't taken philosophy of mind.

Anyway, I'm somewhat tense and consumed with schoolwork, but my semester ends Tuesday. See you later. Unless you want to come over and do my dishes, or bring me ice cream, since those are the two things I need the most at the moment. In such cases you might be able to see me sooner.

Love,
High-Budget Jocelyn

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the summer rain- oh yes!
Sunday, April 9, 2006 @ 09:58 a.m.

Meghan is better than anyone at identifying TV show guest actors. Yesterday she noticed someone who was in one episode of Veronica Mars who had previously been in one episode of Buffy. Interestingly enough, he played the same character more or less.

Veronica Mars is my new favourite thing. It's so complicated.

I have also really enjoyed, over the past 48 hours, Thank You For Smoking, The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole (which I had never read before) and part of Pretty in Pink (which I bought from Wal-Mart yesterday for $ 7). It's been a very good weekend for entertainment.

No news on the naked homework front.

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I declare today reserved for homework.
Friday, April 7, 2006 @ 01:33 p.m.

snapshot_f13fd392_f13fd3a2

Naked homework.
(And research... I think you can see where this is going.)

Haha: stupid bloggers posting a million internet test results on your webpage, take this. [toothpaste for dinner]

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the cheatin' side of town
Friday, April 7, 2006 @ 11:53 a.m.

I updated my links page. let it never be said that I am anything less than 100% committed. I took out all the dead links, and added some new things, and alphabetized. Because you know how I love to alphabetize.

Should I have one of those little bio thingies? Where I explain who I am and why I exist? Essentially, this entire site is only long, convoluted bio thingy. But perhaps other people could write mine for me. "Jocelyn Badley is a genius. And she's so pretty... too bad about that clubfoot." and "I hear she's a pirate."

Why I exist: sexual reproduction. And, indirectly: mitosis. And: ATP. And, finally, maybe: God.

PS. this is the time of year when I prefer to feel tense, because it gives me a sense that I am accomplishing things. So I drink this coffee drink I invented:
2 tbsp hot chocolate mix
2 tbsp flavoured instant coffee
2 tbsp regular instant coffee (I use the No Name stuff from Superstore, which comes in a hilariously generic-looking yellow jar)
Fill the cup halfway with boiling water
Fill it up the rest of the way with... COFFEE.
I had one of these last week and it actually made me kind of sick. I was very hyper and hilarious. You should ask James about it. I think he loved me even more than usual.

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long time, no see.
Thursday, April 6, 2006 @ 02:49 p.m.

kitchen 001

So, at the moment my all-consuming project is an attempt to reverse-engineer the delicious Second Cup white chocolate and green tea cookies. This is only absurd until you remember that I have three more classes, three more assignments, and zero energy. So, I made my first baking attempt today and it was disappointing. The cookies ran all over the baking sheet while they were cooking and now then look like a white chocolate and green tea mess. What a waste of Bernard Callebaut white chocolate.

I'm still going to eat them though, obviously.

Once I get the recipe down, I will send you some. For real. email me.

Honey was on TV last night and I can confirm Meghan's assertion that dancing movies are "always good." Even when they're bad, they're good. I wrote on all consuming, "Jessica Alba saves the Bronx with the power of sexy dancing. In the meantime, she also provides hope for Lilí Romeo, presumably saving him from hoodlumdom and a life on the streets. And if that doesnít inspire you, then you are dead inside." And I stand by that. Plus, watching this film-- even alone-- gave me the opportunity to use my new favourite expression: "tap that fine white ass."

kitchen 002

kitchen 003

Bonus pictures: I cannot resist buying tacky crap for my kitchen. It's like a disease. In a perfect world, I would spend all my waking hours at garage sales and dollar stores. Oh, and the flea market. Love the flea market.

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The title is a bowling joke. I'm not kidding.
Saturday, April 1, 2006 @ 10:09 p.m.

How long do you think it will take for the Canadian dollar's status as a Currency To Be Taken Seriously to be reflected in the prices on book jackets?

I'm reading John Berendt's City of Falling Angels, and the jacket says: US$ 26.95, CDN$ 36.00. $26.95 US is around $31.00 CDN these days, guys. And it's been that way for a couple of years now!

I got it from the library, though, so I don't really care.

These days I am seriously crushing on Veronica Mars. All the crime-solving prowess of Nancy Drew, but with more sass! I call for more sass, for everything.

In fact I will coin a new term to describe Veronica Mars: prowessass.

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Friday, March 31, 2006 @ 03:55 p.m.

If they switched the colours of the lids on 4L jugs of milk, I wonder how long it would take for everyone to stop buying the wrong kind by mistake. Like, if skim milk was no longer dark blue I would feel like the world was crashing down around my feet.

Today I had to stoop to the humiliation of claiming some of my underwear and socks that had fallen out of my laundry basket on the way upstairs. People in my building thoughtfully take such sundry items that are found in the basement (where the laundry room is) and hang them on the railing of the stairs by the back door, either to dry them or in hopes that someone will claim them. No one was there when I grabbed mine, but I was embarrassed nonetheless.

Also, I am feeling really sick, and therefore sorry for myself, so here is what I bought from the grocery store: milk, Twix bar, brownies, strawberries, frozen raspberries, and salsa. The clerk must have thought I was pathetic. But I wanted chocolate and simple sugars. And salsa. Because I had nachos, but eating nachos without salsa seems a little too Bridget Jones. Even sick Jocelyn does not stoop to that level.

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OK!
Monday, March 27, 2006 @ 02:30 p.m.

hi everybody.

So, I have this paper to write tonight. I am hoping to have it done by 8.30. Therefore I will have to write 1.3333333333 pages/hour (let's just call it 1.4 pages an hour and that will free up some extra time for dinner). I think I can do that! I'll keep you posted.

Of course, the problem with this plan is that I am NEVER, EVER going to accomplish anything as long as all consuming keeps adding new list-making features to their media empire. for a list-making and item-cataloguing fiend like me, this could potentially represent my downfall.

I already made a list of my favourite gangster movies and one of my favourite westerns. And what gives me an even bigger thrill is that other people are working their way through my lists! I have been given even more fake authority by the internet!

On the same note: The literature map. It's fun to play with, but sort of makes me naueated after a while.

It's incredibly beautiful outside. This morning the sun rose at 6.21, which is a totally reasonable time for the sun to rise; and the snow is melting, and it's warm. It's spring, I think, which is good because it has LEGALLY been spring for 6 days already. Way to get with the program, nature! My windows are all de-iced and I can see outside again and it is a good feeling, let me tell you.

I was on a temporary project to eat only the foods the sims eat, but there were a couple of problems. 1, the Sims hardly ever eat vegetables. 2, i got bored. (Which for me is a serious issue.) So I may abandon this project, depending on progress made today. I sort of cheated on lunch, but we'll see how dinner goes. Snacks are great, though. All the Sims eat for snacks is juice, cookies, and chips. It's like a perfect world.

Oh man, now it's 2.48. That means I have to write 1.54 pages an hour now. The pressure!

Update: 4:54 pm. My progress has been exceptional. Because of the incredibly efficient and articulate paper-writing up to this point (and even though I took two more list-making breaks), I now only have to cover .714 pages/hour. I know, you're all so happy for me. This is a beautiful moment we're having.

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Poor Commander Galaxy.
Friday, March 24, 2006 @ 01:35 p.m.

galaxy 002

This astronaut needs a doctor!

So much for making friends with children on the bus. First he lost his jetpack, and now this. NASA can't use a man who can't even do up his own space-suit zipper. I may retire him to the big zero-gravity simulator in the sky.

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oh, and also?
Thursday, March 23, 2006 @ 01:32 p.m.

I'm at school right now in the computer lab. My monitor is being raised off the desk by a copy of the textbook I paid $80 for 4 months ago-- presumably left here by someone who needed a high monitor more than they needed a crappy textbook. Does anything seem wrong about this picture? Like, the fact that I could have brought in a piece of wood (approximate cost: four dollars) and taken the textbook? CONSTITUTING A SAVINGS OF SEVENTY SIX DOLLARS?

I hate hypothetical savings of seventy-six dollars.

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get your flair on
Thursday, March 23, 2006 @ 11:49 a.m.

One of my Sims got promoted to a waitress, and her new job description said something about a goofy outfit "and those ubiquitous pieces of flair."

I'M WEARING FIFTEEN PIECES!

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the parker posey model of librarianship
Monday, March 20, 2006 @ 03:46 p.m.

let me tell you a story
it's not all it's cracked up to be...

At school today, we had a presentation in my class about government surveillance and censorship of digital information. The presenters told us about echelon, which is apparently this huge-range surveillance system that listens to electronic communications of all kinds. And I was like, "Hey! They had an ALIAS episode about that!" And they say TV never taught us anything! It made me feel SO well-informed.

You can add this to my growing list of concerns. The other most pressing ones are: the Canadian government does an insufficient job of keeping track of its own publications (plus citizens are not legally guaranteed access to government documents); the library inevitably acts as a force for class hegemony; anything cool, subversive or counter-cultural is immediately subsumed by the mainstream for credibility or advertising purposes. Also, I'm really hungry and I have no good snack food. Everything needs to be cooked, and I don't have time for that kind of thing! I am writing the longest blog update in history, here!

The photo above was taken on my trip to Toronto with James last November. This subway tunnel is about 1/2 a block from the house where I used to live. Imagine living that way for four years, with the threat of electrocution hanging over you! No wonder I learned so little in the Toronto school system.

We have gotten a drastic amount of snow in the past week or so. Supposedly it is a new record for March. (OK, I looked this up and it is true. We got about 22-25 cm of snow, whereas the previous record was only 9 cm! AWESOME!) It makes all of life feel like a great adventure. A couple of days ago the bus that goes by my parents' house got stuck and my sister and my dad helped dig it out with shovels. this is how our ancestors must have lived-- by their wits! With shovels!

I never like any websites I make. I am taking a web design class next year, and maybe at that time I will start to make things nicer. Probably not, though. I am partial to green and orange. So things around here will be just as ugly, only I will accomplish the ugliness with more sophistication, ie, CSS.

It's never really a design, so much as a lack of design. I just want to make room for what I write. There is no elegant way to do it, it seems.

We have a chalkboard at school that we use for writing dates and times of committee meetings, etc., and today someone had written a haiku about AACR2. It helps that the name "AACR2" (you just say each letter/digit separately, it's not one of those acronyms with a neat pronouncable word form) is itself five syllables. It made me smile. However, I cannot reproduce it here because (a) copyright infringement (b) I don't remember it.

limewire haiku
2 Gilmore girls shows
I downloaded on limewire
it took fifteen hours!

library school haiku
school event today
no such thing as a free lunch?
oh, i don't think so!

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friday never hesitates
Saturday, March 18, 2006 @ 08:47 p.m.

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