she married into the power structure, and they lived happily ever after

just don't ask about my appetite
I didn't lose it tonight
it's been gone half my life
it's just, i've been eating for you

"Have any of you seen INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS? It was like that. They look like us... they talk like us... but inside they're communists FROM ANOTHER PLANET!" -My FMS professor, on the investigation on unamerican activities

"You're so beautiful. Sometimes you're so beautiful it just gags me." -Jimmy Stewart to Jean Arthur in You Can't Take It With You

Things in the left column:

the archives
an explanation
links
my guestbook
amazon wishlist

email me dude:


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i'm currently reading...

fun! free! nutritious!

it means everything that has been erased

sleeping on the floor
Monday, October 27, 2003 @ 09:33 a.m.

AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY
[NO DOLPHINS]

I haven't had this much Vaseline on my face since I was a small girl. Also, I slept on my bedroom floor on Friday night, and it wasn't as bad as I expected. I had a big messy pile of clothes (because I am a slob) and the pillow from my desk chair to curl up on.

I was gone all weekend with only my monkey for company; but now I am home and I don't feel lost anymore.

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daytime tv
Friday, October 24, 2003 @ 11:35 a.m.

I'm home today cause I'm sick.

I've finally found the ideal job: talk show host. Seriously! I was watching the Ellen DeGeneres and Wayne Brady shows simultaneously, and it looked like such fun. When I turned off the TV Wayne Brady was singing a song with Robert Downey Jr. You get to hobnob with famous people and see your personality writ large on TV and people clap every time you say something funny. Daytime TV is the life for me.

Also: DESTINOS is on Access on weekday mornings! I was so excited when I saw Raquel, but then I was instantly disappointed to see that the show was actually over. I said, "Finito! Que pasa? Pero yo quiero mirar DESTINOS!" and various other general-purpose Spanish 100 phrases.

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Do you have a little time for me?
Thursday, October 23, 2003 @ 10:28 p.m.

My dad knows the way to my heart. He bribes me with fresh AA batteries.

The final jeopardy category today was "THE INTERNET," and I didn't get it right. I don't deserve to have a website.

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it wasn't all lies, but it was close
Thursday, October 23, 2003 @ 02:16 p.m.

I went to see Lost In Translation again the day before yesterday, with James this time. I force movies I love onto the people I love-- it just seems to make sense. He told me Charlotte reminded him of me, presumably because I also don't know what I am supposed to be. (Also, because I'm sort of mean; and, because I spend a lot of time in my underwear, although if you're just reading this from elsewhere, that's a fact you might not necessarily have known about me.)

I was reviewing for my children's lit midterm which was on Tuesday. At the bottom of my sheet of notes on Hansel & Gretel, I'd written, "Hansel. He is so hot right now." I make myself laugh, and that has to be worth something.

Another tidbit from midterm week: on my Renaissance Drama midterm I actually wrote the following sentence: "Faustus considers giving up on the whole magic/soul-selling plan." I considered taking it out, but a sentence like that doesn't come along every day, so I decided to leave it in, much like this one: "You can't rape someone into being your friend."

I took the tube down to Camden & wandered around/I bought some funky records with that old Motown sound./I miss you like my left arm that's been lost in the war/Tonight I'll dream of home and not of London anymore..." -The Waifs

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Wednesday, October 22, 2003 @ 08:56 a.m.

One of the first things I thought when I woke up today was a sentence (I forget the sentence itself) with the word salubrious in it. Then when I checked my email salubrious was the word of the day. (It means healthful)

Chris emailed me to tell me that Elliott Smith killed himself in LA. That's terribly sad, sad enough that it made me cry before I was even really awake.

Pitas accidentally deleted a couple of entries and they are irretrievable because of server problems so just assume that I was saying witty, intelligent, relevant things.

It's so cold and miserable outside. It's heartbreak weather, suicide weather, apparently; it makes me feel like I should never even leave my bed, like my friends should just come over and join me in bed and we can eat cookies and listen to the radio.

I think I flunked my midterms.

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your haiku is not as strong as mine
Tuesday, October 7, 2003 @ 11:06 a.m.

going to fail a quiz.
back in about three hours.
how I hate tuesdays.

also i'm too poor
to afford margaritas.
now that is sa-aad.

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Things I'm sick of
Thursday, October 2, 2003 @ 03:36 p.m.

  1. People who, when they offer their opinions in class, begin with, "Oh, I was just going to say that..." About 70% of people do this. Also I'm maybe a little too sensitive to other peoples' stupidity.
  2. Foreign movies that always have lots and lots of naked women, but no naked men. Not because I'm opposed to naked women, but because I think things should be a little more equal. You know?
  3. Penicillin

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All the tabloids ask...
Tuesday, September 30, 2003 @ 08:11 p.m.

Why did Ben (or as I like to call him, B-Aff) break J-Lo's heart? I'm going to go out on a limb and say, uh, complete inevitability? I mean, am I too cynical? Anybody?

I watched the first few minutes of Punk'd, the debut of which was on last night. Aside from having an utterly inexplicable title (which has in turn been tainted with dirtiness thanks to the sex-advice-columnizing of one Dan Savage, but maybe that's just me), this show is characterized by such a spirit of mean-spiritedness I couldn't watch more than the first segment. Besides, what gives Ashton Kutcher the right to ridicule celebrities? This is a man who has the weird, weird institution of celebrity to thank for all of his material success, not to mention his hot girlfriend. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, dude.

Also I am hereby banning all "haha, ill-suitd/random person x is running for governor of California, isn't that hilarious" jokes until further notice. Seriously, people. That was funny about six weeks ago.

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But that's not all
Monday, September 29, 2003 @ 05:24 p.m.

I'm making myself sick. I never eat anything, so I'm always hungry, but I'm also really nauseated all the time, and the thought of eating makes me feel like I am going to throw up. I'm not doing it on purpose but that doesn't make me feel any better. All I eat are pills and juice. In the long run I can't afford to let food be this colossal ordeal-- as in, "I'm too tired to do x, because I haven't eaten more than 800 calories in 4 days."

I think I've invented a new kind of eating disorder.

Sorry to all the people I'm ignoring but I'm not coping very well with anything at the moment.

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i feel ugly, but i know i still turn you on
Friday, September 26, 2003 @ 11:52 a.m.

Hi internet.

My wisdom-teeth surgery is over and done with. It wasn't too bad. I feel OK today, actually, I'm off painkillers and not suffering too much. Sedation is so weird. I have these vague memories of people drilling and injecting in my mouth, but I was so drugged I hardly cared one bit. When I woke up, my tongue was so thick and frozen and foreign that I thought my mouth was full of gauze, and I tried to pull it out frustratedly for several minutes before realizing it was attached. So that gives you an idea of where I'm at right now.

I've had nothing but juice to drink in about 40 hours and I fit into my skinny pants again.

I'm going to do some homework today, because that's just the kind of responsible kid I am.

Also: I downloaded lots of very modern furniture and paintings for my Sims and I'm having lots of fun with them again. One of my families had a house party and then drowned all the guests in the pool, so there are thirteen graves in the front yard. They recently had a baby and I decided to tell the kid the graves are "art," so she doesn't get too freaked out. Although the green zombies that wander the yard every night should be a dead giveaway (so to speak).

Oh, internet. I pun because I care.

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but I feel alright
Tuesday, September 23, 2003 @ 10:38 p.m.

Dear Chris,
I'm sorry I can't send you email. I've tried a number of times and it doesn't seem to work. Maybe I will write you a letter instead. It'll be very pre-tech, very retro. Like the Amish.

Your loving internet girlfriend,
Jocelyn

Dear everyone else,
You do not merit a letter on my website because I do not know you; or, I do know you but I see you all the time and I don't need to write letters to you via the internet. If you send me a letter then maybe I will send one to you; but most likely not. I'm pretty lazy.

Aww, I'm just playin' hard to get.

I went to see UNDERWORLD and it was Ąterrible! Watching Kate Beckinsale attempt to reinvent herself on-screen is akin to watching cute, tiny squirrels die in a gruesome motor accident. The script was bad bordering on incoherent, the style was lifted out of every other pesudo-goth or vampire movie ever made (especially the blade movies), and I could go on and on... but what I'm really trying to say is, if it had been injected with a bit of Buffy-esque humour, it would have benefitted a LOT. And, memo to Shane Brolly? When acting in movies, it helps to change your facial expression to express emotions. Keep in mind it's a visual medium! This is not radio!

I have something humiliating to tell you, internet, but I can't say it with all these people watching us. Call me, OK? We'll talk in private.

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lonely are the brave
Monday, September 22, 2003 @ 10:42 p.m.

Meghan came over last night and we watched the Emmys. I found them overly long and also really long. I like the following people who were at the Emmys: Jon Stewart - Bill Cosby - Jennifer Garner - Conan. I dislike the following people who were at the Emmys: everyone else. Jennifer Aniston (who I am from this point forward going to refer to as, "The Jennifer who can't kick your ass") I am looking at you.

Anyway, Meghan and I mocked the TV ruthlessly for three hours, and that was therapeutic, as always. If I watch TV for too long I inevitably become crabby and acerbic.

I went to see GIGANTIC at the Metro and it was fabulous! Sarah Vowell, who I think is a really brilliant and wonderful writer, was in it, along with (and I suppose it's kind of the point) They Might Be Giants. And also Ira Glass, the host of the US radio show This American Life, who is one of those people who can manage to sound witty and intelligent about pretty much anything, apparently on the spot. I wish I was one of those people but I'm realizing more and more than I'm not. When I write, maybe, I can show myself in my best light; when I talk, or for that matter think, it's more of a crapshoot.

On Thursday I have to get my wisdom teeth out. This disturbs me, a little. These teeth are mine and even though they're annoying, I'm not sure I want to dispense with them altogether. And I'm frightened by the complicatedness and the painfulness and most of all the potential disgustingness of the operation itself and the 4 days that follow and also the 6-8 weeks after that. And the salt water and the antibiotics and the gauze and the IV needles and the potential for allergic reaction and the lack of solid foods... and the gaping, blood-oozing, sewn-up holes in my gums where there used to be cute, although sickeningly crooked (and very attractive to bacteria), teeth. Wish me luck.

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Can't you see I'm starving?
Wednesday, September 17, 2003 @ 08:32 p.m.

I would really, really like it if I could write a term paper about references to Canada in The Simpsons. It's so weird. The show alternately totally makes fun of us for being, apparently, a nation of morons; and also seems to revere us. Dude! I'm part of The Other! (that joke goes out to all the Arts students in my reading audience-- I love you guys.)

Chris pointed out to me that Friday is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Why, you ask? Well, why not? (speaking of Chris, or rather, to Chris: email to you is broken. I'm not e-breaking up with you.)

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Rock and/or roll
Wednesday, September 17, 2003 @ 09:51 a.m.

"We were everything that people thought we weren't. We would sit around on nights off, and people would think we had these wild orgies going on, and we were probably sitting around watching Star Trek and listening to Burt Bacharach." -Alice Cooper

"There are two kinds of people in this world: those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig." -Blondie, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

I went to see Once Upon a Time In Mexico and it was pretty terrible. They pulled a total bait and switch on me. I assumed that because Salma Hayek was in the trailers, and had second billing, that she would be in the movie. But all I got was flashback-Salma Hayek, not real-Salma-Hayek. That does not make me happy at all.

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