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♥ "If truth is not to be found on the shelves of the British Museum, where... is truth?" -Virginia Woolf

♥ Gonzo: It just feels so weird...
Rizzo: What? That Mr. Arrow is dead?
Gonzo: Well, that...and my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo: You and your hobbies.
-Muppet Treasure Island

♥ "I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year, I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!" -Neil, Freaks and Geeks

Photo at left © Meghan Williamson 2006

Deletia: the internet is a series of tubes.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006 @ 12:39 p.m.

Thank goodness the American lawmakers who are determining the future of our society have such a thorough and sophisticated understanding of how the Internet works: the internet is not a truck. It is a series of tubes.

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Deletia: some kind of fashion thing.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006 @ 08:51 a.m.

From my recent marketing class, I know the importance of doing research to find out what your customers ("readers") want. It occurs to me that I can use my referral tracking as a free, low-effort form of market research. Therefore, today, in an effort to give the people what they want, I will be answering a Googled question that brought someone to this page yesterday.

what dose EGA stand for [implied question mark]
Excellent implied question. EGA stands for the following things:

  • enhanced graphics adapter (a 16-colour computer graphics display standard, introduced for PCs in the mid-1980s, which facilitated the playing of a fun 2-D roleplayer game called JANE OF THE JUNGLE, which I accidentally deleted otherwise I'm sure I would still be playing it)
  • estimated gestational age
  • various associations (Choose 1 from each group: European/Embroiderers/Enterprise/Environmental/Edmonton/Egyptian Grid/Guild/Golf/Grantmakers/Group Alliance/Automotive/Association/[of] America/Alligators)
  • According to Wikipedia, two rather non-sensical things: "Elegant Gothic Aristocrat" (I'm surprised that gets its own acronym, but it seems to be some kind of fashion thing), and "Éléments de géométrie algébrique," a classic mathetmatical treatise.

Of course, if you actually wanted to know what dose EGA stands for, I think the proper response is probably "eighty grams, approximately."

We went out to my friend Courtney's cabin on the weekend. We made a giant multi-component breakfast (which for some reason reminded me of The Big Chill, did they make giant collaborative breakfasts in that movie?), played Railroad Tycoon (which is kind of like Settlers of Catan, but with railroads, and even bigger, and in America), and went in the algae-y lake. We also played mini-golf. It was very relaxing. I feel ready to go back to the high seas.

Kyle of one red paperclip has successfully traded a single paperclip for a house (although it is in Kipling, Saskatchewan), with a little help from Alice Cooper.

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when you're putting the damage on
Sunday, July 9, 2006 @ 04:12 p.m.

At the rate I am currently collecting Air Miles, in 11 years I will have enough to buy an iPod nano, by which time all music will just be played by tiny chips in our fingers. And I will be able to use those air miles to get... SOMETHING ELSE!

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baby girl, you're still the flower
Wednesday, July 5, 2006 @ 03:47 p.m.

Well, I've walked these streets
In a spectacle of wealth and poverty
In the diamond markets the scarlet welcome carpet
That they just rolled out for me

And I've walked these streets
In the madhouse asylum they can be
Where a wild-eyed misfit prophet
On a traffic island stopped and he raved of saving me

-Natalie Merchant, Carnival

I bought things from Home Outfitters today. I normally don't like shopping at this store, because it's part of this whole cycle of insane consumption of unnecessary objects for your house, like designer 4 million thread count sheets and imported napkins the size of tablecloths and little hors d'oeuvres spreaders shaped like peppers. But it was so cool inside and it smelled so nice... Yeah. I am only a woman of principle when it is convenient for me to be so. Plus they had cute little bowls with lobsters on them, and we all know that a sucker I am for lobster-themed anything.

I get to go see Neko Case tonight!

On Friday the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie opens. I have this suspicion it's going to suck, and I don't say that as a cinema snob by any means because I loved the first one. But nonetheless, we shall go, prepared to be underwhelmed.

I made the mistake of teaching James the word "po-mo," and now he goes around saying it every ten minutes, like a child who has learned a swear word. The Wikipedia entry is actually pretty good, considering the problems of vagueness and misappropriation a word like "postmodernism" presents. I especially like this: "Feelings regarding the illegitimacy of knowledge and identity." Like, way to sum up.

Speaking of words, Simon Winchester's The Meaning of Everything is amazing. I know I've been discussing the OED endlessly, but I can't help it. It's such an amazing project. Whenever I get discouraged about the state of humanity, I try to remember that this 22,000-page book compiled by volunteers, many of whom submitted tens of thousands of quotations. It's a pheat of philology!

Yuck, I'm so boring, I'm sorry, it's all I can do to even type. Earlier today I saw someone's sidewalk was wet from a sprinkler, and all I could think was that I wanted to lie down on the wet concrete. It looked so refreshing. I'm obviously losing my mind.

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just when i think i'm out...
Tuesday, July 4, 2006 @ 04:39 p.m.

Craft notes: I put two coats of paint on my new (old-- it turns out when my sister got it came from a garage sale) table. I bought ribbon with polka dots on it, which I don't know what I'm going to do with! I made new things for my etsy store.

candles 008 liesmagnets

Rather than making exclusively orange things, I branched out and made some purple things. Hand-poured candles! I bet you didn't know I knew how to do that, did you? Neither did I! And also cynical magnets, which I am a bit sad to part with actually, but I will if someone buys them.

It's pretty freakin' hot here on the third floor. 33 degrees, or 91 for you farenheit suckas. I just wish I could SLEEP.

Moving in three weeks, Shakespeare Festival volunteering, mailing letters. blah blah blah. It's too hot for any of these things. I was over at my parents' place yesterday with my sister, painting in the shade, watching CSI in the blissfully cool basement, and ordering pizza. It was basically the perfect day, and I wish I was there right now, instead of stupid here. Also I am hungry, but in order to make things to eat I have to keep running my stove/oven, which just makes it hotter. All productivity is grinding to a halt. I watched a CSI episode about a serial killer storing women's bodies in his refrigerated transport truck, and as awful and horrifying as that is, there is a part of me that would love to find myself in the same place. Under different circumstances hopefully.

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I have taken my Super Mario Land experience to a whole new level.
Monday, July 3, 2006 @ 08:52 a.m.

Literally. I got to 3-3. I've been working on this game for about three years, and I am making progress.

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Today is an exciting day.
Sunday, July 2, 2006 @ 04:44 p.m.

Tomorrow I get to put the first coat of paint on my new kitchen table, aka., my sister's old desk. I'm painting it a colour called "Holly Berry" which makes me laugh. (Don't ask me why, but the freakin' internet will show you.) I LOVE HOME DEPOT. I know this website is hardly the type of place for these declarations, but I went there yesterday, and I said to a shaggy-haired guy in an orange apron, "I don't know what kind of paint to get or how much I need," and I described to him what I was doing, and he made the paint for me with his elaborate paint machine. Other people's expertise is such a relief.

Yesterday was Canada Day. We watched The Muppet Show on DVD and I got sort of drunk by drinking a whole case of Smirnoff Ice. I also realized that I like the Daniel Powter song "Bad Day" (see drunk, above) so I downloaded it on iTunes. Instant gratification!

It was pretty much the best Canada day ever. I was thinking we should have borrowed "Canada: A People's History" from the library but that would have required more planning time than we had available. It doesn't matter anyway, the Muppet Show is awesome.

Yaaaaa!

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atlantic ocean/new york skyline...
Saturday, July 1, 2006 @ 10:18 a.m.

Sam: you look like my grandpa.
Bill: Is your grandpa super-cool?
-Freaks and Geeks

We had this funny clerk at Save on Foods yesterday. He had this story he told us which included the line: "When I was in high school.... so, last year" which Meghan and I were laughing about for five minutes. It's my new catchphrase. "So, I went to the grocery store... when I was in high school... last year?" The question mark is implied, like you're not sure of when exactly you went to high school.

I had this weird moment yesterday when I realized that the actors playing high school kids in movies and on TV are now younger than us. That's so weird! One minute we're this high, one minute we're that high... Especially when you consider that I gauge the passage of time not by anything in the real world, but in TV-land (where everyone is actually older than they look anyway). I wonder if I'll ever stop being shocked by the passage of time. It's not exactly something that happens unexpectedly.

I'm feeling very into postcards today, having gotten one yesterday and mailing some today, so...

Speaking of which, save the internet! (It doesn't quite have the catchiness of "save ferris," but a noble cause nonetheless. We need network neutrality, although it's something we never think about.)

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How to calculate the value of a human life?
Thursday, June 29, 2006 @ 08:26 a.m.

Easy. Fill out this form. Mine, for example, is worth 5,000, enough to buy a pretty sizeable house, or everything on my Amazon wishlist.

I should trade it in.

New words in the OED. I'm reading Simon Winchester's history of the OED, The Meaning of Everything, and it made me want to own my own copy of the venerable dictionary. Unfortunately it's $ 12,000 (although it does qualify for free shipping, which for 20 volumes is no small feat), which would make a dint in even my life-insurance money.

Speaking of reference books, I have no idea why my wonderful thesaurus is only .50 on Amazon, but I think everyone should buy one. Or should I say purchase, acquire, obtain, get, pick up, procure, pay for, invest in, get hold of, snatch up, come by, or score one.

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New books coming out!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006 @ 12:15 p.m.

I know there are always new books coming out, and in a general sense I'm excited about that. But I am particularly excited about these ones:

Amy Sedaris is releasing a book of hospitality, craft, and recipe ideas. If this sounds really tame and pathetic, keep in mind that this is Amy Sedaris-- the woman with the imaginary emotionally abusive boyfriend and the cake make of concrete. It will probably be awesome.

The second collection of Nick Hornby's pieces from The Believer. I'm looking forward to reading this and then making a list of ten more books I want to read. as if I didn't have enough already. The Polysyllabic Spree was really great, and I don't know about the content of this book, but Housekeeping vs. The Dirt is a pretty good title.

And finally, a collection of essays from Bitch magazine, with a forward by... MARGARET CHO! Pretty much everything I like is related to everything else I like. If I had time, I would draw you a Microsoft Paint diagram of this fact, but I don't feel like it.

OK, so, pretty much all I ever talk about are books and craft projects and library school. But at least I haven't mentioned the following boring things for quite awhile: my Sims, high school, my insomnia, Bon Jovi.

I want to make tags for entries on this site, but I don't know how. So instead I will just copy the tag cloud from my allconsuming account.

There. Just pretend I made this.

I'm moving in a month. In the meantime I am trying to eliminate some of the gratuitous stuff from my life, starting with clothes I don't wear and empty shampoo bottles. Later I may move on to food I'll never eat and old utility bills.

I invented a very good iced coffee recipe!

I'm so bored, can you tell by the way this entry keeps getting longer and longer and less and less coherent? JOCELYN, GET A LIFE!

OK, FINE. I'M LEAVING.

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Swearing like Shakespeare
Tuesday, June 27, 2006 @ 05:29 p.m.

'Zounds, it's hot, the kind of hot that makes you want to lie on the ground naked. I watched no less than eight episodes of CSI today. I'm a little obsessive, huh? But you see, it's too hot to do anything; and also, Grissom is the new Goren. Or possibly the old Goren. You heard it here first.

James and I are going to see The Breakup just so we can enjoy some airconditioning. And possibly... the weird chicken fingers you can buy from the fancy theatres. (Wow... side note... did that make me sound really old? "Those new-fangled fancy theatres, with their chicken fingers! In my day movie theatres sold one kind of food-- popcorn-- and we liked it that way!")

I am getting so many hits from weird European pornography sites. I don't get it. Am I being inadvertently pornographic? It's the librarian thing, right? It's so hot.

Just like my freaking apartment.

Oh, also: I killed another bug today, and I could barely be bothered to get riled up about it. The knowledge that I am moving out in a month makes me feel better. Does my leaving mean that I am giving up instead of making a stand, as I should do? Besides, heat breeds apathy.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: shout-out to the founders of Edmonton. "Oh, I've got a great idea! Put down your muskets and assemble your meagre store of personal belongings and agricultural implements! Here is a nice, flat spot where it is freezing cold for nine months a year and unbearably, stupidly hot for the other three! Let's SETTLE!"

Those settlers shouldn't have settled; they should have held out for something better. Like Vancouver.

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sore and sunburnt
Monday, June 26, 2006 @ 04:14 p.m.

Because my parents are moving, I have given them permission to read my webpage. So from now on, all the content is going to be wholesome. The only downside to this is that it might decrease the number of people who are referred to this site by porn search engines (which is significant). But that is the price we have to pay.

I sold my first item from my etsy store! Yay! It's all profit from this point forward. Actually I think I was more excited about sending mail than about making . (Side-note: I have worked in 2 Canada Post outlets, and I hate it when post office employees give me sass. They assume ignorance and say things like, "There's no such thing as regular parcel to the United States," and I'm like, "oh YEAH? OH YEAH? YOU WANT TO GO?")

At this wedding this weekend, everyone in the province of Alberta (and I am not exaggerating) persisted in quizzing James and me about when we are getting married, a charming phenomenon that only grows more charming as time passes. I wish all these people would stop bullying me. The tone of the whole affair is so patronizing, as if I am some kind of unmarriable freak and to convince James to saddle himself with me is therefore some kind of superhuman task requiring conniving, subtle hints, and universal co-operation. If we ever do get married I'll be sorely tempted not to invite everyone who has buged, nudged, winked at, hinted to, thrown bouquets or garters at, or sympathetically arm-patted, us. No buffet dinner for them! I will have my sweet revenge, by eating all the perogies myself. (Note: I am assuming that my wedding will have perogies. In fact my wedding "scrapbook" consists only of photos of perogies. And at this point you KNOW I'm making things up. I don't even HAVE a wedding scrapbook. And actually I haven't caught any bouquets, but that's only because I've been dodging them.)

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I'm off again, like the supremely glamorous jet-setter I am.
Friday, June 23, 2006 @ 11:03 a.m.

I'm really happy that Microsoft Paint makes JPGs and GIFs now. My computer art possibilities have really been extended.

In case you were wondering I won't really be driving in a n extremely non-Kyoto compliant pink car. Unfortunately. I will, however, be playing Super Mario Land on my ancient Gameboy, so there is some justice in the world. Do they have Tim Hortons in Innisfail? Seriously, I don't like to go to places without Tim Horton's. Not out of any particular love for the coffee chain itself, but because it represents a certain level of civilizedness. As I'm fond of saying lately, "I HATE nature!"

I'm pretty sure I have mononucleosis. No one takes my complaints seriously. You're all going to be sorry when I die beside the highway. I want that written on my grave: "I told you I was sick!" Or else "She saved the world a lot."

My project for the weekend is reading Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own. You can read it too if you want to keep me company, in a spiritual sense.

TTTM (Ta-ta till Monday),
Jocelyn

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Home Improvement... now without Tim Allen!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 @ 08:07 p.m.

Laura, are you still living there on your estate of sorrow?
You used to leave it occasionally.
Now, you don't even bother to ride that commuter train west to Chicago, to stroll through the greenery, in the park, past the statues.
-Bright Eyes, Laura Laurent

I am moving into a condo, purchased by the International Bank of Parents, at the end of the summer. Woohoo! Among other things, this means that I GET TO LIVE IN A PLACE I CAN PAINT. I have already gone to the paint store.

It also means that I have room-- not a whole room, but a nook-- for a proper grown-up table and chairs. Because I cannot afford to buy said table new, even IKEA-new, I have a plan to make my own tile mosaic table, using only an old table from a garage sale (which I have yet to find, but I know it's out there), books from the library (dewey # 738-748 seems to cover tile projects of various kinds), tile, and GROUT. I love the word "grout," and I am looking forward to grout and I working together.

I am also having one of those days when it seems like everyone around me is anxious for me to succeed, at everything. (Well, everyone except the manager of my building, but that's another story.) I am again struck by the helpfulness of people. I believe in fundamental human goodness, ever since the Dean of the Faculty of Fine Arts took a meeting with me and basically said, "I will solve all your problems. Here, put your feet up!"

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I won't stay
Tuesday, June 20, 2006 @ 09:10 a.m.

Beautiful.

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Transparent motives
Monday, June 19, 2006 @ 12:33 p.m.

june19 001

As you can sort of tell from this photo, each room in the motel where we stayed in Saskatoon had two copies of the same painting hanging up. It was pretty surreal. We were discussing whether this was because (a) the motel just didn't care (b) they assumed no one would look closely enough to notice or (c) it was a mistake.

june19 013

I got to ride shotgun, which obviously prompted me to take pretentious photos of myself in the rear-view mirror.

Two pop-culture artifacts which I feel obliged to tell you about:

Found is a compilation of found objects from the magazine of the same name. It's almost bizarre how captivating/amusing/heartbreaking these things are. I got this book on Saturday and had read the whole thing by Saturday night.

There are lots of things I like about McSweeney's (McSweeney's'?) magazine The Believer, and one of them is that they index their own articles, in a sort of random, humourous way. For example, Jim Ruland's article in the most recent issue about the movie Repo Man has the following subject terms applied to it:

Parking lots, Chevy Malibus, geographic riddles, Reagan's America, Tracy Walter, Olivia Barash's mother, the punk rock ethos, tunnel dwellers, fetishism, the circle jerks, generic beer, graffiti palimpsests, time machines, fossil fuels, the future.
It's so frivolous! In library school, we take classes on indexing, and from this perspective The Believer's approach is problematic. Authors are notoriously bad at indexing their own work! It's not clear how "aboutness" (seriously) has been determined! I can't detect if they are using any actual schema known to librarian or man. But I think the world could use a little more frivolity, so no complaints here.

It would be fun to use The Believer's subject terms as tags and create a tag cloud with them from various issues of the magazine. I bet "the future" would come up a lot.

Define "fun."

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Transparent monitors
Saturday, June 17, 2006 @ 07:22 a.m.

It's Saturday so you are probably in need of a fun, time-consuming project. Perhaps you should try to make a transparent desktop wallpaper for your monitor. Here is the tutorial, from instructables, a fun DIY site which is worth a browse if you get a chance. Although a lot of their projects seem to involve soldering, which in my mind, is taking DIY too far.

There are these magpies that live outside my building. Their constant cawing reminds me of the seagulls from Finding Nemo: mine! mine! mine! mine! Yesterday I saw them dive-bomb a medium-sized cat. It ran away like, uh, well not a sissy girl, but a cat that is not very brave. I felt embarrassed for it.

I'm off to Saskatoon this weekend. I made a playlist for James' iPod that is naturally called running back to Saskatoon. Have a good weekend. Remember to pillage before you burn.

I'll be back on Monday, presumably even more tired and depressed than I am now.

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