"There is definitely something off about her."
"Maybe she's Canadian."

"I'm the everywoman, but wearing better shoes." -Oprah

"I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and I made $600 last year!" -Bart Simpson

Sorry to tread on your patience my dear/my heart might be willing by this time next year/I can't make you wait 'cause I long to be forgiven -neko case, porchlight


email me:

back to!

Saturday, June 25, 2005 @ 10:33 p.m.

edmonton weather forecast for the rest of our lives, forever:


and i am not exaggerating.

it's like hell, only more boring.

also, the two activities i totally recommend when it is rainy: 1, yard sale, outside, in a yard; 2, barbeque. at a camp ground. with smoke, and rain.


if i die today
Monday, June 20, 2005 @ 07:38 p.m.

I want to learn to crochet, so i can make these. and then assemble them into PILLOWS! and CURTAINS! and SCARVES! and tacky VESTS to give as gifts to people I don't LIKE!

I am so so so so bored. I never work, and I don't do anything else, so I spend hours on the internet doing nothing. I can't wait to move, so I can go do nothing by myself instead of being surrounded by busy people who make me feel guilty in comparison.

do you know how to crochet, internet? You never send me flowers anymore.


they are just civilians; we are barely civil to them (-erin mckeown)
Saturday, June 18, 2005 @ 03:53 p.m.

A little while ago I was talking about the virgin suicides and this old poem it reminded me of, which i couldn't remember the name of. today i decided to track it down. (it's raining so I have nothing else to do. literally nothing. all my stuff is packed!) it's jonathan swift's "the lady's dressing room," from 1732:

Five hours, (and who can do it less in?)
By haughty Celia spend in dressing;
The goddess from her chamber issues,
Arrayed in lace, brocade and tissues...

And what follows is an inventory of all the disgusting towels, ointments, bottles, and potions that are found in her dressing room. I wrote on the margin: "satire on 'pedestalization' (possible not a real word-> men's expectations"

One of my literary heroes, Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, wrote a response entitled "The Reasons That Induced Dr. S To Write a Poem Call'd The Lady's Dressing Room," which suggests that the reason Swift was so bitter is that he wasn't getting any.

But now this is the proper place
Where morals Stare me in the Face
And for the sake of fine Expression
I'm forc'd to make a small digression.
Alas for wretched Humankind,
With Learning Mad, with wisdom blind!
The Ox thinks he's for Saddle fit
(As long ago Friend Horace writ)
And Men their Talents still mistaking,
The stutterer fancys his is speaking.
With Admiration oft we see
Hard Features heighten'd by Toupee,
The Beau affects the Politician,
Wit is the citizen's Ambition,
Poor Pope Philosophy displays on
With so much Rhime and little reason,
And tho he argues ne'er so long
That, all is right, his Head is wrong.

Tee hee. Eighteenth century catfight!


days have gone by and i've barely gone
Saturday, June 18, 2005 @ 10:53 a.m.

This is probably just going to be a "what entertainment products is Jocelyn consuming?" update because I'm tired and none too clever today.

this week is improvaganza 2005. previous years' shows have included: a crazy Japanese team in matching yellow jumpsuits, various mime objects, and an opera about beer written completely in German and translated into English by someone who doesn't speak German. you should go! I am going to.

I taped up box # 20 this morning. I seem to spend a lot of time these days sitting on my floor, looking at all the eye-level boxes around me and contemplating my life. I am happy to be moving out, of course, and am even looking forward to such mundane tasks as grocery shopping (actually I love grocery shopping) and peeling vegetables with my new vegetable peeler, and being within walking distance of Edmonton's best drinking region. But at the same time I do feel kind of sad, leaving my family and my dog behind, because they're my heroes. Seriously. Especially Toby.

We went to see Batman Begins and it was pretty good but more importantly it had a trailer for SERENITY! Meghan and Courtney and Parker and I all freaked out a little in the theatre when it came on. Those around us could sense the palpable excitement, I'm sure. Batman itself was OK, but I hate how these action movies are always so heavy-handed-- they take themselves SO seriously. I mean, the audience does not need voiceovers explaining to them why something is important. If you are a good filmmaker, you can show the audience that something is important without telling them directly. That's what I think, anyway. ANd in my opinion it's too common for action movies to be too simple, and too serious. It is hard work but good art to make life not so serious, as the Hotel New Hampshire would say.

I am reading FOR HER OWN GOOD (as my friendly left column will tell you) and it's a really interesting read. I would recommend it to anyone who's interested in women's social history. Also it's done what every good book on that subject SHOULD do: made me horrified, angry, disgusted, and amused by the absurdity of human thought. For example, I was laughing (and almost crying) at work yesterday while reading about the Victorians' obsession with women's reproductive organs. All kinds of illness and problems-- mental, emotional, physical-- would inevitably be attributed to disruptions to women's uteruses, ovaries, or menstrual cycle. One of the solutions? Leeches, of course! Applied directly to the vagina, although not to the cervix, because apparently that's very painful, and the female patients complained. (Which is SO selfish-- didn't they want to get better? Why were they so suspicious about what was obviously SCIENCE?) Oh, and removing the clitoris to prevent masturbation and the inevitable moral and physical decay that resulted from it. And so on. No wonder the Victorians had such terrible literature. They were all crazy.

Of course, I'm sure our society today has the same types of flaws, and books two hundred years in the future (will there be books? As a library student I have to believe so) will take a high-and-mighty stance about us. Self-righteousness and then, later, scorn. It's the circle of life.

Brick: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.


lazy-ass pictures entry
Sunday, June 12, 2005 @ 11:46 a.m.

earlyjune05 008

earlyjune05 005

At work, we entertain ourselves with activities from "highlights" magazine. It's a sort of team-building exercise, only more cynical.

earlyjune05 004

earlyjune05 006

earlyjune05 007

I learned to work the timer on my camera. The technical skill! I also installed USB ports in my old computer (this was quite awhile ago). I had to take the case off and use a screwdriver and everything. I'm also pretty sure I looked hot while doing it. Girls gone wild with PCI cards!

(now I will get search engine hits for "screwdriver+hot+girls")

I move in less than three weeks. Also I ordered a cellphone. When I get it, it will be time for the ceremonial handing-out of the cellphone number. Anyone got a microwave cart? {in case you missed it, the microwave cart is related to the moving, not the cellphone. my kitchen is tiny. tiny!)

Over the past few nights a thin strip has slowly been ripping off the edge of one of my sheets. I always mean to do something about it but I always forget because I'm sleepy when I notice it. This morning I woke up with it wrapped around my neck in a suspiciously strangulatory position. I ripped it off, so it won't trouble me any more; and I feel I've cheated death, so anything I accomplish today (like packing the rest of my books) will be pure gravy.

[in homer simpson voice] mmm.... gravy

HEY! MY COMMENTS ARE FIXED! *does the tricksy dance* I KNEW this technical problem would fix itself if I ignored it long enough.


Tuesday, June 7, 2005 @ 07:24 a.m.

My dad: I'm building a pergola.
The guy at the lumberyard: Don't worry, I know what it is. I built one too.

[hearing singing and piano coming from my living room]
Jocelyn: What are you guys doing?
James: Composing a rock opera.
Jon: Nothing.

Searching google images for "pergola" yields pretty results.

I got an apartment. It has olive green carpet and a little phone alcove and is awesome. I also have a cold, and so I am too depressed to be excited about anyting, including the aforementioned apartment. I am moving on Canada Day. There will be a u-haul truck (=less hassle) and pizza (=more pizza). Help me move! Ask me how!

Also this week I am officially graduated, although I am not going to graduation. And I have a job interview tomorrow morning. It's been a crazy week, as if in the first 22 years of my life nothing happened, but now all of a sudden I have important things to do.

(Not that important though, because I'm too sick. Yesterday I watched the Buffy episode where she gets the flu, to help myself remember that even Slayers get sick-- and as I told my sister, "I'm the textbook slayer.")


a link for myself, for later
Friday, June 3, 2005 @ 12:50 p.m.

knit pro will make any uploaded image into a knitting or crochet pattern. hot.

I finished reading Girls In Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood and it made me cry at work. So that's really good. I definitely didn't embarrass myself publicly today!

Still no apartment. I'm not tense though. I'm just very alert.


on the onion:
Tuesday, May 31, 2005 @ 05:05 p.m.

Entire Napoleon Dynamite Plot Pieced Together Through Friends' Quotes. This makes me laugh because this is my mom, pretty much. She hasn't seen the movie but has adopted "gosh!" as her own personal catch-phrase from the film.


if you love amphibians maybe you should take me home tonight
Monday, May 30, 2005 @ 10:52 a.m.

stencil 1 sells stylish graffiti stencils that you could presumably use for spraypainting things on your walls. Or someone else's walls. You know, if you wanted to. Which I do. Spray painting is SUCH FUN.


OK, which of the following would be funniest written on a shower curtain in vinyl letters? I'm leaning towards #3 myself:

1. Beneath the crisp and wintry carpet hid
A million buds but stay their blossoming
And trustful birds have built their nests amid
The shuddering boughs, and only wait to sing
Till one soft shower from the south shall bid
And hither tempt the pilgrim steps of Spring.
-Robert Bridges

2. It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.
-Frederick Douglass

3. The grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never dried all at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.
-John Muir

4. They attack the one man with their hate and their shower of weapons. But he is like some rock which stretches into the vast sea and which, exposed to the fury of the winds and beaten against by the waves, endures all the violence.

I'm priceless. No seriously, I'm laughing out loud as I type this.

My comments are broken so send me an email


get away from me!
Saturday, May 28, 2005 @ 10:16 p.m.

may 27 05 014

James: "No, don't look right at the camera!"

may 27 05 006

I spend all my free time making dumb stuff. It's stupid but it keeps my mind off things. Today I made: an old scooter poster in a tacky frame, a wood-grain lampshade, and another ribbon pillow. (Another day, another ribbon pillow.) Also I bought a complete Scrabble set for $2. My hypothetical apartment is going to be one cool place to hang out. Please come and visit me. I'm so frightened of being alone.

Anyway I'm not sure why I'm going so crazy but it has to do (partly) with being given adult responsibilities. Not cool! I realize I'm driving my dearest friends mad, and for that I am truly sorry.



stupid comments!
Friday, May 27, 2005 @ 12:35 p.m.

Did you know that the hole's only natural enemy is the pile? They're digging a good one out in Quad right now.

I've been looking at apartments. Whee! It seems that I can really afford these cozy, romantic-seeming but TINY, Raskolnikov-esque garrets, and a part of me is like, "ooh! tiny apartment! Just the type a starving grad student should live in!" Which is ridiculous if I could actually afford something better. I always have trouble distinguishing between what I really like and what I only think I like. One of the good things about James is that he is not afraid to tell me that I don't really like crummy apartments, or capri pants, or things with pesto. A dreamer needs a protector of this kind.



be my friend
Saturday, May 21, 2005 @ 09:36 p.m.

i am small and needy
i watched the trailer for the next and final season of six feet under, a show i like but never watch (i don't have extreme cable). i've always loved the music they use-- that devlins song (waiting), etc. and this year the song was a harder one to track down, but i found it (thanks internet!) and now i listen to it every ten minutes. it sounds portentious. since i will inevitably now gets hits from googlers looking for the song, it is called "breathe me" by Sia, or possibly, S.I.A. (sitting in action? silence is appropriate? super inner asshole?)

over the past 48 hours I've been doing all these things that seem healthful: eating eggs, riding my bike to work, making a pillow out of ribbon, doing yoga while watching cool runnings on CBC. if i never had to work i'd probably be happy, and skinny.

myroom 001

Ribbon from the dollar store: $8
fusible interfacing from walmart: $2
a shiny pillow just like the one todd oldham told me to make: priceless (or rather, $10)

i have been pasting the following things into my book: pictures of treehouses and patricia arquette's house, games from highlights magazine, pieces of ribbon, a little cartoon man doing sun salutation a, stickers of sea creatures, fortune cookie fortunes (one says "SPEAK CHINESE CHINESE MAN"), tickets from movies and shows, a picture of an armadillo, and some craft made for me by various people.

Armadillos are my new favourite animals. So modular!

"all books are final sale."
"that's OK, i just want to own some Herodotus."
"Well, who doesn't?"

myroom 002

Two and a half moving boxes-- labelled and everything. (Help me move! Ask me how!) And yes, I know that photos are the lazy man's (pirate's) weblog update.

James is gone and I always miss him.


Monday, May 16, 2005 @ 12:15 p.m.

i was just eating lunch in the back room at my store, and someone's cellphone went off in their locker, and it played the violent femmes' "blister in the sun."

tonight i am going to see jeremy fisher and nathan wiley! and tomorrow morning i have another job interview! and my sister offered to buy me spatulas!

Jocelyn: Maybe you can lend me some money
Kristen [not quite believing my need is legitimate]: What do you need money for?
Jocelyn [vaguely]: Oh I don't know... spatulas. Wireles headphones. The Life Aquatic on DVD. Other stuff.

I am reading Reading Lolita in Tehran, in little spurts because the copy I am readng belongs to my store. Anyone who wants can buy it, they just have to come and ask.


it's dumb, but i want to anyway
Saturday, May 14, 2005 @ 10:26 p.m.

potemkinvillage 003

James's band played a show, and then they played it again since some new people showed up. they have another one on the 28th. you should go!

potemkinvillage 010

a pretty tree on whyte ave., shortly before my desire for delicious Vietnamese spring rolls was sated. I want a tree like this for my future yard. (It felt like I was in Japan but really I was near the Iron Horse, one of the sluttiest bars on Whyte Ave.)

It was a very strange day. A crazy movie! (for once I agree with the IMDB forums: a savvy viewer asks, "What is going on???") Terrible lime soda! A job interview for a company with an evil credit card! What hilarious adventures will I have next?