"Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You
know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer
hacking skills..." -Napoleon Dynamite
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but i'm just a gnome!
Monday, August 30, 2004 @ 07:14 p.m.

I've been playing this dumb medieval sim game called "Majesty." I have beaten almost all the easy and medium games, but now i can't win any more without suffering permanent psychological damage. Every time I try to capture the crown, these scary minotaur-type creatures emerge from the woods and wreck my buildings with their axes. And then they kill all my peasants, and destroy my castle. It's terrible. I'm such a bad ruler. I think I prefer being Mayor of Sim City (although my cities in that game are always named "Truth Or Consequences...") because at least I know no one is dying in my service. Video games stress me out. I remember when getting past the underwater of Mario Land for Gameboy started giving me nightmares, and I had to give it up.

I went to see Garden State, and I thought it was pretty wonderful. Don't listen to those people in the imdb forums. They're dumb. they're the same people who think the Al Pacino version of Scarface is awesome, because he has a pet tiger and is married to Michelle Pfieffer even though he emotionally abuses her.

Sam: I haven't lied in, like, two days.
Andrew: Is that true?
Sam: No.

So, usually I don't keep lists of the books I read, but this summer I promised myself I would just because I wanted to fell like I'd accomplished SOMETHING (because my job was so gloomy.)So... what I Read On My Summer Vacation:

  1. The Firm (yes, John Grisham)
  2. The Call Of The Mall- Pablo Somebody
  3. Naked Pictures of Famous People- Jon Stewart (not as funny as Jon-Stewart-On-Tv)
  4. Bear V. Shark (Jeff's recommend)
  5. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Afghanistan
  6. One Hundred Years of Solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  7. Postcards From the Dead- Douglas Coupland
  8. The Merchant of Venice
  9. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants- Ann Brashares
  10. Twelfth Night
  11. The Reader- Bernard Somebody
  12. Waiting For The End Of the World- About bomb shelters
  13. Shadow Divers- about Nazi submarines
  14. The Professor and the Madman- Simon Somebody (borrowed from booklend)
  15. The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-Time (note: did I lend my copy of this book to anyone? if so please tell me)
  16. The Second Summer of the Sisterhood- Also Ann Brashares
  17. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim- Thanks to chris who turned me onto David Sedaris)
  18. Dark Age Ahead- Jane Jacobs
  19. Red China Blues- Jan Wong
  20. Fox Evil- Minette Walters (I am so not smart enough for murder mysteries. Even after the denouement I didn't understand what had happened)
  21. Things Fall Apart- Chinua Achebbe
  22. Hey Nostradamus!- More Douglas Coupland
  23. In The Cut- Susanna Moore (and it made me want to throw up, and not in a good way)
  24. The Most Beautiful House in the World- Witold Rybczynski, and I am not finished reading it

Total young adult fiction books: 2
Total Oprah books: 2

Starting later this week I have to start wearing a name-tag at work. This defies one of the three main rules of Jocelyn's job:

  1. Thou shalt not have a job that requires a uniform.
  2. Thou shalt not have a job that requires a nametag.
  3. Thou shalt not have a job that makes your hair smell greasy, or like food. (Buffy: "You smelled the smell? It comes out after many washings!")

However, to protect our safety we are allowed to have a nickname. My dad suggested that I should just insist my nickname is "Brian."

(my letter from Columbia House)

Dear Member:

Your account is seriously delinquent.

Our letters courteously requesting your co-ioperation in submitting payment have brought no response*. You must realize that this matter cannot be permitted to run indefinitely. We have had no word from you-- no idea of what disposition you intend to make...**

*Patently untrue. I have tried many times to reason with them. But my letters and phone calls disappear into the beaurocratic abyss.
**I don't think this sentence makes any sense.

Itt's been a confusing day. I wish someone would explain what it all means.


i had a bad day
Monday, August 23, 2004 @ 06:15 p.m.

I got another snippy letters from Columbia House. I was going to include an excerpt from it, but now I've lost it.

It's very, very cold here and it feels like fall. I wore my self-knitted scard today. Mr. Wiggly and the other fish huddle under rocks. In the kitchen, everyone in my family is gathered around, trying to open a bottle of wine. But so far it eludes us.

Soon it will be time to buy books again. Most of mine are available cheaper on amazon. feel free to buy me academic-sounding items from my wishlist!

In September 2005 I'm thinking of doing a Master's degree in Library and Information Studies. It seems like now is a good time for me to choose some kind of future for myself.

Stupid fish. Stupid wine. Stupid rain. Stupid Olympics.


Friday: I am not looking for love
Friday, August 20, 2004 @ 10:34 a.m.

I squandered my first day off yesterday watching no less than 8 episodes of Angel, and in the evening I took two tylenol and took my journal and my dog for a walk. I went down to the river and sat by the water trying my best to get West Nile. Toby ate some things that are bad for him, and then settled next to me, like: I don't know what we are doing here, but I will wait.

It felt so much like the end of the summer, and it made me sad only because it means the beginning of another season of darkness-- and because I didn't spend as much time by the river as I should have. But I think school is going to be good. I need that busyness-- catching the bus, rushing to and from work during rush week, writing papers at midnight-- to keep me attached. Without these things I wander, and these days disappear without a trace, like I am dropping time into a bottomless pit. (And when you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.) The summer, where I work, isn't enough. I get bored and crazy.

I Have to geek out here for a second, and if you're not into Buffy you can ignore it:

I walways found it a bit weird how Faith disappears from Buffy after her guest stint in Season 4 (in This Year's Girl and Who Are You?), and then reappears THREE YEARS LATER having been in prison. I chalked it up to bad writing like so, SO many things in the final season of the show. Well, I retract all that. Her transformation in Season 1 of Angel is actually quite succinct and reasonable, and finished what was begun when she and Buffy switched bodies. When she and Angel are fighing in Five by FIve, and she collapses against him choking, I began to cry myself. And she turned herself in-- to Kate-- like Raskolnikov! She needs society to punish her! I love Joss Whedon.

I also love how, in the next episode, Buffy shows up and Angel tells her, basically, that she is not the moral centre of his show and to leave L.A. I think it was brave writing, actually, to point out that whereas Buffy's world and show is based on justice, which may sometimes imply revenge, Angel's world is built around the idea of redemption-- his own, and the potential for other peoples'. And redemption is not always fair. So Buffy really does have no place in L.A. Difficult for a spin-off to assert.

I'm finished. Sorry. Sometimes I have to tell people these things, otherwise I have the urges to collect roomsful of action figures and make fansites and possibly start playing complex card games. (Settlers of Catan doesn't count.) It's the only thing that lets me stay in the mainstream.


my heart i will keep/my voice i surrender
Thursday, August 19, 2004 @ 11:57 a.m.

I am listening to Tom McRae's SAO PAULO RAIN over and over again and it's such a sad, sad song. On the same note I am reading HEY NOSTRADAMUS (more Douglas Coupland). My extended family has this email mailing list on yahoo groups, and my aunt posted a message awhile ago saying she was reading it. it was the only coupland book i hadn't read. so. I'm really enjoying it, more so than some of his others. He lost me for awhile around "All Families Are Psychotic" and "Girlfriend in a Coma", but he may be winning his way back into my heart. (Also Hey Nostradamus is kind of a love letter to Vancouver, and it makes me feel connected-- to this city I was born in, where I've never lived and don't remember.)

I have a couple days off work. So: sewing. yoga. season I of ANGEL which i just bought on DVD (a paltry substitute for Buffy, but I'm in a settling kind of mood). hopefully some Fringe plays. and i'm trying to knit a halter hop. i'm determined to make knitting sexy.

And I'm logging into the U of A online registration system every day trying to get into this class on pop culture theory, about Marx and Foucault and stuff, and I'm not sure if I even want to take it. The prof is very into Freud, and Freud gives me hives. Then I thought I wasn't a very good student, loving Foucault and not Freud. (But can good feminists love Freud? This is a tongue-twister for small children of well-educated parents, modernists and deconstructionists. Really I don't want to think about. But it's my birthright.)

sorry i'm so boring. i wish i could be interesting for you, internet. it's not like i'm not trying.


sunday night
Sunday, August 15, 2004 @ 10:36 p.m.

I've been watching the Olympics quite a bit. as you can see, Canada is getting its fashionable Roots-clad ass kicked. But I'm not worried. James and I watched the women's gymnastics this afternoon, and the commentator mentioned that Canada is "not really a vaulting country." That's true. I mean, I don't know ANY vaulters. And I know a lot of Canadians.

I'd like to be able to pour my heart out, but all this really intense stuff is happening and I haven't felt able to process it myself, let alone be able to explain it to others. Suffice it to say that things are going OK, that I am really looking forward to taking in some Fringe plays, having some days off, ordering some beautiful tortoise shell knitting needles from this website, and going back to school.

I wish I could sleep.


sao paulo rain...
Tuesday, August 10, 2004 @ 04:07 p.m.

from the latest television without pity recap of the amazing race:

"He had some good gold teeth, though," Mirna adds as they leave. Well, Mirna, maybe you should have hugged him and gotten it out of your system so you can stop molesting the host at the end of every leg.
suck like an egyptian

It's true, and not in a good way. Mirna tries to hit on Phil in EVERY episode, which is amazing considering that the host and the contestants only seem to see each other for about 10 minutes every 24 hours. Bad touch! Maybe she wanted to get onto a sleazier reality show, like Big Brother.

Thanks for leaving me so many comments.


there's really nothing left here to stop me
Sunday, August 8, 2004 @ 09:13 p.m.

"even the really weird ones [musicians] get girlfriends."
"that's true! meatloaf definitely got laid at least once! Ringo Starr married a Bond girl!"
"Right. whatever." -Love Actually

Recently, they've built a "water feature" outside one of the university buildings near where I work. There are goldfish that live in this pond, and I have started to think of them as my fish. The largest (and scariest, and most likely to die) is a shimmery silver one, like the fish from my dreams (although not my dreams any more), and I've named him "Mr Wiggly."

My sister and I went to see MEAN GIRLS, and I thought it was kind of good, and I don't care what you think of me. I told James this, and he said that he has a crush on Tina Fey. That doesn't really seem fair; she probably already has a boyfriend. (also, in the theatre waiting for the movie to start they played Modest Mouse. On their fake theatre radio station.)

I don't think Sunday evenings used to make me this depressed, but then, I didn't use to have the dreariest, most absurd and frustrating job in the world.


Today at old navy [a one-act play]
Monday, August 2, 2004 @ 09:06 p.m.

Jocelyn: "Hi, baby. OK, this hat: cute or stupid?"
James: "Cute. This shirt: cute or stupid?"
Jocelyn: "Stupid." [seeing James's crestfallen look and rapidly backpedalling] "Well, it has surfboards! But it's only ten bucks!"

SO I did buy the hat, and James bought a different $10 shirt that I did approve of. I felt like a real bitch at that moment. I hate it when women are critical of their husband/boyfriends' clothing choices.

I haven't been writing much, have I? It's been my week off. I wnt to an improv festival, and to a number of movies (King Arthur, Napoleon Dynamite, and The Village), and I helped my two best friends move, and I saw one of my favourite bands (the Corb Lund Band) play at one of my favourite bars (the Sidetrack) and I started knitting two new scarves. All in all I think it was a good week. But work looms large-- I have to go back in less than 12 hours-- it's so gloomy. Like knowing you're going to die.

I meant to tell Chris that the reason I always send him candy is that it's actually illegal, and it makes me feel like a real badass. You can't send any food from Canada to the USA without prior approval from the FDA, unless it's homemade. For someone who works in a post office, I break a lot of postal regulations. That's what makes me so fascinating; I'm COMPLEX.


i am back from jasper. arrr.
Monday, July 26, 2004 @ 08:34 p.m.


jasper is actually kind of boring. also the ratio of tourists to canadians is such that it made me feel like a foreigner myself. james and i refused to allow ourselves to be bullied into arduous hiking or other outdoorsy activities, preferring instead the air-conditioned bliss of maude (james's car, named for maude lebowski), and going to see KING ARTHUR at the one theatre in the town of jasper. they had the best squishees there. i don't want to make you so jealous that you spam-bomb me, but they were kool-aid flavoured.

we did go canoeing on maligne lake, and i got to be steerer/pirate captain because i have Canoeing Experience. this led to many pirate jokes, and the woman working at the canoe rental place thought we were funny.

i went to yoga today and we did something called the fish, which involved hurting my head alot, and also a thing where we stuck our legs into the air, while propping ourselves up with our elbows on the ground. this is something i used to do as a kid. i can't believe i am now getting exercise credit for it! i forget the name, so i am calling this posture "the eight-year-old."

it's muggy here. my house smells like fish tank.

hi, alex. i'm sorry i never send you email. i hope you're having a good time in Europe!


Thursday, July 22, 2004 @ 12:15 p.m.

"but my good sir, do you not know that for a mere 25 cents more you can purchase a large beverage? I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends. The 'medium' is only for suckers who don't understand the concept of VALUE." -Enid, in GHOST WORLD, right before she got fired from working at the movie theatre

Dear Diary, I can't believe Chris thinks I've broken up with him when just yesterday I sent him a package for his birthday. With STICKERS ON IT, DIARY! Sometimes I think the Internet hates us all.

I can't believe I'm going to do this but... :)


Friday, July 16, 2004 @ 09:33 a.m.

"Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of ink." -Twelfth NIght III.i 42-44

Earlier this week, in my FROOT LOOPS, I got what amounts to the coolest cereal-gimme toy EVER. IT looks like a big red plastic watch, but you wear it on the inside of your wrist and it makes a spider-web shaped light projection on flat surfaces. I suppose it is for summoning Tobey Maguire when it's dark and you feel alone or afraid.

Last Saturday, at Courtney's cabin we played this weird game called ULCERS in which the goal is to complete a fiscal year with a full sales staff. And you can steal employees from other players' companies by offering to pay them more. It's so bizarre that at some point in the 1960s this seemed like recreational fun.

Work is very Office Space-y. Like, we need to talk about my flair. However, yesterday I interrupted my boss mid-sentence in one of her shouting rants at customers ("Canada Post do not take responsibility!") to tell her, "I'm going for lunch now. See you later." It may be the crowning achievement of the whole summer thus far.

Also I told my parents' friends we were going to Jasper for the weekend and they said, "Isn't that an unusually normal place for you to go?" I replied, "There is irony in Jasper, and WE WILL FIND IT." It's true, though. Normally I don't go to ordinary places like Jasper for holidays. (The new Holy Grail of my dream holiday destinations, though, has become Greenbrier, West Viginia, where a secret bomb shelter was built during the Cold War to house the whole U.S. Senate in the case of a nuclear emergency. Toay it is a museum. An I WANT TO GO.)

Julia: You can drown in a bathtub.
Rory: Yes but you never do.
-Stweart Lemoine's SHOCKER'S DELIGHT!, which I saw last night.


suddenly everything has changed
Sunday, July 11, 2004 @ 10:17 p.m.

Well, there's a lot going on. I'm sorry I haven't been updating. Amid the higher-than-average levels of stress and busyness in my own life, apparently the city where I live has flooded. Our whole neighbourhood is covered in several inches of hail, which has melted into suspiciously snow-like slush. A few hours ago, people abandoned their cars under the freeway overpass three blocks from my house-- luckily, maybe, since the cars were soon covered in water up to the tops of the doors. Instead of being annoyed or scared, most people seem kind of celebratory, which always seems to happen in times of disaster. People are out looking at the damage (underground parking lots flooded to the ceilings, dented cars, etc) and walking their dogs and swapping stories. We had to tear off our eavestroughs, which flooded our basement. (My mom, on the phone: "Tell James we moved his drums!")

Perhaps there will be another postcard from Edmonton later. Google us! We're on the news!


PS. I am writing this on my brand spankin' new computer which goes from zero to Sims in, like, 12 seconds. I'm not kidding. New computers and acts of God get me hot.


no two people are not on fire.
Sunday, July 4, 2004 @ 07:43 p.m.

"The question is, how much more Batman can you get? And the answer is none. None more Batman." -Christian Bale, on the set of the upcoming Batman movie, as quoted in Newsweek

Yesterday, as my sister came downstairs for breakfast I was drinking a vodka cooler.

Kristen: "Isn't it a bit early for that?"
Jocelyn: "No way, it's after 9!"

There have been weird, flash-floody rainstorms here for the past few days. On Friday night, as we drove home from Donnie Darko, we drove through a HUGE puddle, and it splashed up higher than the car on either side. It was like driving through Niagra Falls:

Jocelyn: "That was awesome."
James: [pause] "That was AWESOME."
Joce: "Let's pull over and have sex."
James: "I can't, I'm spent."


"And he set them to reading Seneca and Ovid while they were still in grammar school. He treated the classical writers with a household familiarity, as if they had been his room-mates at some period..." -One Hundred Years of Solitude

...Beshrew your eyes,
They have o'erlook'd me and divided me.
One half of me is yours, the other half yours--
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,
And so all yours."
-Portia, The merchant of Venice (which I just finished reading for the first time), 3.2 14-18

independence day? Fried chicken? Terrorists? What?


i wonder if when you were older...
Friday, July 2, 2004 @ 12:24 p.m.

I might as well just admit that, like every other fucking internet hipster out there, i dream of having my own online store. i want to make vinyl stickers and knitted kerchiefs and my funky plaid bags and 1" buttons and i want to become a millionaire doing this. Unfortunately i don't know the first thing about it. does anyone have any helpful tips?

it just seems sad that there are only, like, 5 jobs in the entire history of the world that i can imagine myself having and not hating, and one of them is crafty DIY small-business type person, but i won't let myself try it in case i get disappointed. i go to too-great lengths to protect my heart, and as a result i never accomplish ANYTHING.

this would be worth taking seriously if i hadn't admitted the same thing a hundred times before. this isn't a breakthrough; it's my same old self-styled angst, self-pity and procrastination.


Wednesday, June 30, 2004 @ 06:42 p.m.

today's the fourth of july
another june has gone by
as they light up our town, i just think
what a waste of gunpowder and sky...

-aimee mann


i'd keep away from runaround sue
Tuesday, June 29, 2004 @ 05:12 p.m.

i read about this book in the new issue of wired: waiting for the end of the world. i can't believe there are books about these things that i am so obsessed with/compelled by. bomb shelters! Plus the amazon review mentions that "An interview by social commentator Sarah Vowell is also featured." That woman has my ideal job, writing witty essays and commenting on bomb shelters and They Might Be Giants. Not that I'm singlewhitefemaleing her or anything, but it does make me JEALOUS.

and on the subject of books i finished rereading one hundred years of solitude today. (oprah steals her picks from me, man.) the ending broke my heart all over again. i love having my heart broken by gabriel garcia marquez; it's one of my favourite emotional experiences.

i think i might open one of those amazon stores where i get tiny amount of profit when people order stuff i recommend. good idea?

roman numerals: number system of the future?

also i want to bring back my allconsuming toolbar-thingy. inspired by chris i'd have to say that this site is way overdue for a redesign.


good advice
Monday, June 28, 2004 @ 07:10 p.m.

I like that the CBC got Rick Mercer to give commentary on the election. He suggested that "not wanting to vote for the lesser of three evils" is a dumb excuse for not voting, because if you DON'T vote for the lesser of three evils, the MOST EVIL PARTY MIGHT WIN. True.

I got another letter from Columbia House. This is one of those things that's going to leave permanent scars-- on my heart and my credit.

I'm just eating stovetop stuffing, knitting, and watching the election results come in. Like the old woman I secretly am.


tee hee
Sunday, June 27, 2004 @ 05:28 p.m.

from glarkware: shirts with a sense of zeitgeist.

I just got my ass kicked at Settlers of Catan. We bought another expansion pack, and now the board takes up our whole table. It's really funny. It takes hours to play, and there are little ships, and pirates, plus the aforementioned barbarians, and cities and settlements and knights, and I always try to build culture industries instead of armies, and then I get my ass kicked.

A robot could write my website, I know.

Notes for the robot:

  • kitschy stuff found on Internet
  • complaining about lack of mail/email/comments
  • Settlers of Catan
  • frustration about knitting projects
  • notes on federal election, esp. fear about incoming wave of Conservatives (maybe?) thanks to recent Liberal fuck-ups (note: thread will lose relevance next week)
  • Douglas Coupland
  • Movies That Are On, And Whether I Thought They Were Good
  • what you can buy on, and how much it costs
  • The Sims
  • working in the post office (sub-topic: frustration with boss)
  • have cute boyfriend
  • Using random foreign words to impress people
  • like riding bike (experience now even better thanks to streamers)
  • Buy firewall for new computer? If so, hardware-type box connected to modem or software? (Sub-topic: soliciting anonymous website readers for advice on technological issues)
  • Funny Things Spoken By Buffy Characters, Which Seemed Sort Of Related To Something That Happened To Me
  • anxiety about the future/being insecure/worrying about never having money. See also and Movies That Are On, above.
  • updating multiple times on Sundays because I have no life.


Sunday, June 27, 2004 @ 12:12 p.m.

in honour of my new favourite hobby (knitting-- today I will attempt a kerchief, which is newly difficult because it involves increasing and decreasing stitches), I am naming entries after knitting products.

(I wish I could find someplace good in Edmonton to buy yarn-- does anyone know of one? Because I've been going a little crazy with Zellers' $2.50 balls of yarn, but that's only going to last me until I actually want to knit something nice.)

Did you know that blogger has a tool that fits in your broswer toolbar and lets you comment on whatever page you're currently viewing? Is it just me, or is this a completely rational, smart thing to do? it's enough (almost) to make me want to switch to blogger. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's lucky the Pitas user interface is purple.



not exactly Kafka
Sunday, June 27, 2004 @ 09:13 a.m.

"I've had the most wonderful time tonight coming to this funny little restaurant and having you yell at me in the bathroom!" -Ruth, Six Feet Under

Yesterday I (well, my dad) bought a new computer, which we are going to pick up next weekend. And also streamers for my bike. Why? Because I LOVE them.


Thursday, June 24, 2004 @ 09:49 p.m.

For more information on how to vote in the upcoming (Monday!) election go to elections canada


Tuesday, June 22, 2004 @ 06:06 p.m.

American girls are feathers and cream
coming to bed, so edible...

Recently I've become a bit addicted to Six Feet Under. We don't have HBO here (except, maybe, on satellite) but I'm watching the 1st season on DVD. As I said to James last night, "I'm intrigued. And TV never makes me intrigued."

Also, on Monday the federal election is coming up. So all the canvassers are coming a'knocking. Last night my family was setting up the Settlers of Catan board when we heard my dog start to bark. With cries of "Hide! It's the Liberals!" we closed all the curtains and closed and locked the front door.

By the way, even if you do avoid campaigners (as my family does) please vote in the federal election, especially if you are young. If we don't, the old people will elect conservatives again! And if you don't know who to vote for, take this quiz! It told me to vote for the Bloc Quebecois.


that's what i call a radical interpretation of the text
Monday, June 21, 2004 @ 06:15 p.m.

i rode my bike to work today and now i feel like i've been run over by a train. a train going slowly. because that would hurt more.

at this one point on the trail (which is paved) there are all these ants. they make me very nervous, because they seem unusually plentiful and organized, like they might be superintelligent or at least very committed. like fire ants. or something. so, and this might seem a bit sadistic, every day i run over as many of them as i can with my bike.

now i can knit, cast on, bind off, and purl-- some of the time. i joined a knitting group on because as my generation gets older we are going to rely on the internet more and more to supply social as well as informational solutions in our lives. and it's the working man's frienster. or something.

and so far i've knitted about 4 1/2 feet of scarf. i have very good tension for a beginner.

i am doing nothing, and it's not all it's cracked up to be. upcoming events i'm excited about: going to see dodgeball, and the playgirl killer (a b-horror movie from, like, the 1960s starring none other than canada's own PAUL ANKA). calexico next weekend at the sidetrack. buying the new carolyn mark cd, someday, when i have money. going back to school in september-- how scary is that?

anything can happen, but nothing ever does.

email me or leave me comments, you losers.


hero sandwich
Wednesday, June 16, 2004 @ 05:07 p.m.

On days like today, when I step off the bus at 5, it smells like my whole neighbourhood is barbequeing. It's sort of sublime and it feels like I've stepped into the 1950s. Inevitably, I am disappointed to learn that my own family is having pasta of some kind.

Meghan made a sticker which says (from Say Anything): "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career. I don't want to do that."

Columbia House thinks I owe them $56. It's called a video club, but really it's a club of irritating invoices and vilest infamy. Seriously. Infamy! It's piracy, and not the good kind. Anyway, I wrote them a really nasty (yet articulate) letter pointing out to them their error, which began, "I have to admit, I am frustrated and perplexed by my recent correspondance with Columbia House."

I am trying to get my shit together, honestly. Working in the post office, plus the prospect of continuing to work there indefinitely, has really put my life in perspective. As in:

  • I am definitely going to get better at knitting.
  • I am going to see the new 35mm print of Donnie Darko at the Metro next week. (It's good to start small)
  • I should go to grad school. Even though this means getting reference letters from professors, which means talking to professors, which is something I really hate doing.
  • Or get a proper, grown-up job. In this vein, I have begun to make a list of jobs I am hypothetically interested in and am trying to see what additional school I need for them. For example, to be a teacher I would need an additional 2 years, BUT, then I would be Jocelyn, Roving Pirate Queen, BA., B.Ed. And that, dears, is glamourous.
  • I am probably going to take the female writers/filmmakers class that is being offered next year, even though it is yet another additional class I don't need for my degree (I'm already taking one, on vampire literature from Stoker to BUFFFFFYYYY). However, the more of these extra classes I take the more of the first-two-years, dismal-marks classes I can drop from my transcripts. See grad school, above.
  • Ultimately I would like to contribute something to the betterment of humanity. I'm not kidding.


  • fun! free! nutritious!