a huge-ass collage thing

navegar : to navigate

you say stay

just send me something, okay? it will make me happy.



kenya '99


divide by zero

like ducks in a row:
angie pitas
bomberboy pitas
buffalo pitas
cowgirl pitas
curried pitas (yum!)
fatduck pitas
femme fatale pitas
pandora's pitas
pushplay pitas


varscona improv
the sims
age of consent
feels like
emily : still strange
angrybob apostrophe
red balloon
disgruntled housewife
chickclick network
atlantic unbound

l < subversive > ?
boys [suck]
< BlogCanada >
non pussies
< open pages ? >
< speak freely ? >

I've been
fucking imood
since March 1st, 2k!

strictly speaking, this page is optimized for netscape @ 800x600... but does anyone care? no.

stray2k productions

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

the one where i sleepwalk through your dreams
Saturday, November 4, 2000 @ 02:31 p.m.

the weather is wonderfully sullen today.

Charlie's Angels is the best movie ever. It was campy but reverent. It had style and karate and a great soundtrack. They wore badass clothes.

from the journals of wayward mobility:

the sexiest smock
is the smock that is worn by
the sexiest girl.

"[the passive voice is] wimpy, and wordy, and sneaky." -my english prof. "[in the example] 'The police were ordered to open fire on the protestors.' Who ordered the police to open fire on the protestors?" "Stockwell Day!"

"Cam's house is a communist regime."

"there will always be areas of doubt." -my spanish prof, on the use of ser and estar, two spanish verbs that both mean "to be"

"It may look scary, because it has a lot of letters." -my phil120 prof, on one of the derivations on our midterm

"Food not sex!" -my anthro prof

"don't ask me why gold butterflies get me high... these are some of my favourite things, but doing nothing is my favourite one. but maybe loving you, babe, is my favourite one, my very favourite one.it's not the life i thought it would be but i'll be alright i know i will be SO LONG to circumstance... these are some of my favourite things" -Beth Hart, “Favorite Things”

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Thursday, November 2, 2000 @ 04:42 p.m.

I wanted to tell you this...


I am a guest "writer" on Jocelyn's page now. I still hate the Internet and won't ever update my page. But this will make Joce happy so I will do it.

How does Meghan get energy?

Me, neither.

I would like to go to sleep now but I have to find a classical painting done on one of Ovid's 250 myths. Well, fuck me.

Angie, do you hate me?

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

2 new CDs
Thursday, November 2, 2000 @ 02:08 p.m.

beth hart is like alana davis if alana davis were better.
magnolia is like the inside of my head.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Estoy muy consada, y bastante contenta tambien
Wednesday, November 1, 2000 @ 09:33 p.m.

you know how, you can go a certain number of days or weeks without enough sleep and it's all good, but then suddenly it hits you, and you're in capacitated-- not making good sentences, aching muscles, you feel like you're on the verge of collapse into a state of viral disease? that's me. i'm more than a tired girl-- i'm a girl so tired my throat hurts. who knew tiredness had to do with your throat-- or your wrists or your wits? or the backs of your legs, or behind your ears-- or everywhere-- please hold me.

While we're gone, my dog jumps up on the kitchen table and eats the butter. My dad is pissed off and "offended" by this, but my mother secretly encourages the dog with little baby-talk pep talks, and so he keeps doing it. Also he's too stupid to know what's going on.

Everyone else says whatever bad things they want about everyone else on their website, so why not me?
"Even Jocelyn played and had fun." fuuuuuuck you. I might be short-tempered, but I'm also serious. I mean, why do you possibly, by any stretch of the imagination, have any right to complain about my tendency to be a bad sport? at least I don't spend all my time being bitter, angry and unfriendly!

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Wednesday, November 1, 2000 @ 04:27 p.m.


cate blanchett, minnie driver, kate hudson, ashley judd, and femke janssen.

alex helped.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Monday, October 30, 2000 @ 06:26 p.m.

dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit. why am i so fucked up and frustrated today?

i slept for twelve hours yesterday. perhaps my brain has been rewired for sleep.

i want a little glass cube with a fish in it.

meghan had a dream that i went out with eric, from the timms theatre troupe.

jeff's little sister drew me a horse. that was, like, the only good thing that happened to me today.

i was going to make a list entitled ten women i would want to have sex with if i were a lesbian, but i couild only think of five:

  • cameron diaz
  • julianne moore
  • carrie-ann moss
  • penelope cruz
  • gillian anderson

see how frustrated and fucked-up i am, i can't even think of five other women i would want to have sex with. email form-me, dammit. it will make me happy!

this is the autumn of my discontent.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

if you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
Sunday, October 29, 2000 @ 02:18 p.m.

Grilled cheese is the best food in the universe. Grilled cheese and cadbury mini eggs. I could eat these two things forever (along with Lipton Sidekicks)... and I would be fat and lonely and alone and pathetic, but dammit, I would be so happy.

I have hair like Princess Leia today, in little cinnamon buns behind my ears.

I want to be Princess Leia for Hallowe'en. Actually, I want to be Princess Leia, period.

This morning, we drove to church across that little grated bridge with a wicked view of downtown (by the museum), and the buildings were so shrouded in fog we could have been anywhere, driving anywhere-- the Welsh highlands, an X-Files episode, a Loch Ness documentary, someplace atmosphere-y. It's amazing how thrilling the world is when covered in fog.

...I was the best thing in the world, that in spite of bad coordination, "despite the freedom of youth and the license of first love-- because of fate, karma, luck, what does it matter?", we had SOMETHING, and now it's gone.

Today the weather is too grey to think about heartbreak and screwing up.

stuff that is cool

  • cadbury mini eggs for christmas are already available-- these are the best candy in the world, although you can only eat so many, ya know? i have to hoard extra packages so i can eat them all the year 'round.
  • elvis
  • my sunday school class
  • sleeping on my bed with no sheets last night because i was too lazy to put clean ones on when i got home
  • being good at Spanish
  • VIP (the TV show)
  • Charlie's Angels (the movie)
  • my backpack
  • showers
  • "Dude!"
  • butterscotch sauce on vanilla ice cream
stuff that is not cool

  • the temptations of memory and the poetic inclinations of inclement weather
  • phil120
  • having no money
  • broken VCR therefore cannot watch SIXTEEN CANDLES
  • Meghan in Banff (well, not cool for me)
  • being tired all the time
  • pent-up sexual frustration (so i've heard)
  • no vanilla ice cream
  • spending five hours last night listening to my dog cry
  • realizing that eventually even the most idealized person can (under duress) break down into their constituent parts-- into elements of real humanity: likes/dislikes, urges and inclinations, pain, the spontaneous promptings of the heart-- that no one is superhuman, not even you. not even me, not even you. not even me.

[about] one year ago: "I don't need to set long-term goals and develop happy healthy future-oriented relationships with men in accordance with my Man Plan (oops, wrong self-help source) and grow socially, emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually when my CALM textbook is too scared to even define "spiritually" to high-school students for fear they'll get shot by some redneck Albertans with shotguns that ARE NOT REGISTERED! Or slugged over the head with big, heavy STEAKS from ALBERTA CATTLE! Doused in OIL! That's how we kill people up here, y'all."

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Saturday, October 28, 2000 @ 09:26 p.m.

you have to admit i've got a point.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Saturday, October 28, 2000 @ 09:25 p.m.


she said shut up i know it's only in my head

The Top 9 Songs About Tragic Death From Between 1950 and 1968
Friday, October 27, 2000 @ 07:24 p.m.

When I say SONGS ABOUT TRAGIC DEATH, I am not messing around. The 1950s produced a huge quantity of sad songs, but these are the creme de la creme-- not merely the sad but the deeply sad, the genuinely miserable, the songs that mix in the correct proportion pathos, emotion, true love, lethal romance, and (usually) manly honour as well. Numbers nine and eight are songs about life in the old west; i consider them to be the least tragic and deathy because of their pseudo-historical context. The other seven are the real stuff-- beautiful girls dying in car wrecks, handsome young men perishing in fiery car accidents, and very big men holding up mine shafts. Enjoy, dammit!

  • 9. "Ringo"- Old West gunfight song.
  • 8. "El Paso"-- I think that's what it's called, but I could be wrong. Man dies in gunfight over beautiful girl. Impales self on cactus. Not really.
  • 7. "Honey"-- oh, come on. This song tears me up.
  • 6. The one about the two lovers from warring Native tribes who drown in the river that divides their peoples, caught in a watery embrace... I forget the name. It's, like, "Little Running Deer and Big Brown Bear," or something like that.
  • 5. "Big John"-- "Here lies a big, big man." Right on!
  • 4. "Tell Laura I Love Her"-- Daring young man enters dangerous drag race hoping to win money to buy engagement ring for girlfriend. Dies tragically in fiery wreck. Sings, "Tell Laura I love her, and I'm being good, and I long to be with her-- if only I could." It's ironic that he could have bought a plastic ring from Wal-Mart and lived to enjoy life with the woman he loved instead of singing this mournful song from heaven.
  • 3. "Teen Angel"-- Mark Dinning. A fairly obvious choice.
  • 2. "Last Kiss"-- J. Frank Wilson. No, the Pearl Jam song WASN'T an original!
  • 1. "Leader of the Pack"- The Shangri-Las. Rmmmmm, rmmmmmmm!

I couldn't think of ten, so you'll have to settle for eight. I thought about using Van Morrison's "TB Sheets," but it's a little too serious for this list: I think his girlfriend actually DID die of tuberculosis, and that makes it a little too... I don't know... real to be grouped with TEEN ANGEL and TELL LAURA I LOVE HER. Besides, most of these are singles that went at least partway up the charts, and TB SHEETS only sold because it was on the same album as BROWN-EYED GIRL. Don McLean's VINCENT also occured to me, but I discarded it for the same reasons. Besides, it's a little too literary.

As always, I would welcome additional information or suggestions. Use email form!

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

i would like to state for the record, i did everything that i could do
Friday, October 27, 2000 @ 05:42 p.m.

i went to value village with my sister because she was looking for a hallowe'en costume but she didn't find what she wanted. also she vetoed my idea of being "some kind of housebound nightgown person" for hallowe'en (value village has the best nightgowns). i wanted to find a mechanic's jacket with ED embroidered on the breast, but they didn't have any mechanics' jackets of any description. i'm not sure where i would find one.

what i DID find @ value village: a middle-aged woman holding a black lace tshirt up to her friend and asking, "will this make me look like a whore?"

I decided it wasn't my place to give her my opinion. Good job, Culturally Sensitive Jocelyn!

Use my pretty email form in the left column to send me stuff, like your phone # or (more specifically) why you adore me.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

the deconstructionist has been thrown overboard
Thursday, October 26, 2000 @ 10:41 p.m.

isn't it interesting to consider that everything as you perceive it, down to your own emotions, is adulterated by your senses? essentially, everything could be a construct (i'm big on constructs today) and therefore there is absolutely NO REASON not to live in your own world.

this is a very simplistic argument but it's late at night.

here is what i did tonight (I think, but I cannot be sure...)
-went out for dinner and ate garlic chicken alfredo
-went grocery shopping with my mom and bought "wunderbeans" TM jelly belly isotopes
-had a long bath which involved using up a lot of hot water, reading TIME magazine, and eating chocolate M&Ms (in the bath! the luxury!)

someday when i am old and have forgotten the feeling of my own teeth and the names of my grandchildren, i will remember still the moment where i realized there was no good reason i could not eat M&Ms in the bathtub. life is a construct. reconstruct it, dammit! reprogram yourself for something new.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

short, disconnected phrases
Thursday, October 26, 2000 @ 03:10 p.m.

the only problem with my coming up with the coolest pitas password, ever, is that i can't tell anyone, cause it's my password.


the buffalo pita is gone. i hope now meghan will come and be a guest star on my page, but i don't think she'll agree to it.

of my last three entries only two have made sense. Go me.

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Thursday, October 26, 2000 @ 02:03 p.m.

cling to your constructs

she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Wednesday, October 25, 2000 @ 09:23 p.m.

i sent parcels to france, japan, romania, and italy tonight. do i ever get to go to any of these places? no. post office makes me wistful.

jeff, doing the crossword: "another word for a pirate's treasure. five letters."


she said shut up i know it's only in my head

Wednesday, October 25, 2000 @ 03:58 p.m.

This is the bottom, stupid. There's nothing here. Go back up to the top.