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car and pet wash

♥ "Sometimes I want to decapitate Stephen Harper." -me, to myself, while watching TV news

♥ "Lisa, you don't spend ten years as a homocidal maniac without learning a thing or two about dynamite." -Sideshow Bob

♥ "Dear Buddha, please send me a pony, and a plastic rocket, and..." -Mal, Serenity

♥ "That's my mutant power... I can control saran wrap with my mind." -Courtney

Photo at left © Meghan Williamson 2006

new stuff in my etsy store.
Thursday, June 15, 2006 @ 05:48 p.m.

june15 orange4 smaller

Part of what makes my life fun these days is taking arty-looking pictures of various craft objects.

I am tired of all 589 songs on iTunes.

and hockey.

I've been very good about updating this page, haven't I? I should get positive reinforcement, in the form of cookies. Or money. Or kisses.

PS: Most-heard words on L&O: CI: "Prepaid cellphone. Untraceable." I am considering my entire life up to this point to be preparation for committing the perfect crime. I also know from Veronica Mars that you can buy used passports on eBay. Criminal accomplishments, here I come!

Hey, I just thought of a good punchline for a joke: a burglar who gets caught on his way out the door is a liminal criminal.

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"I've found that paranoid schizophrenics make excellent witnesses." -Goren
Wednesday, June 14, 2006 @ 12:11 p.m.

I. My Law and Order: CI obsession is over as suddenly as it began. I watched about 50 episodes and that was enough, apparently. (This sounds pathetic until you realize I watched them in about 10 sittings... oh wait, does that make it more pathetic?) (Also: I watched some Freaks and Geeks with Meghan yesterday, and it is really good. Just like everyone said.)

II. Yesterday I walked into work and people greeted me with, "hey, Jocelyn, we were just discussing the most disturbing X-Files episode ever." I said, "oh, you mean the incest one?" and everyone began to laugh, because it was exactly that. A dead baby in the ground, with his little hand sticking up! A mother with no limbs, kept in a suitcase! I think that is indisputably recognized as the most disturbing X-Files episode EVER, the world over.

III. Currently reading: Lorna Jowett's Sex and the Slayer: a Gender Studies Primer for the Buffy Fan. Catchy title aside, this book (like many other academic books on Buffy) is pretty badly written and careless. It's all about gender, as the title suggests, but I'm getting annoyed with how she continually refers to "feminine" and "masculine" qualities with no apparent basis for the judgments. Disappointment! I was thinking of buying it, but I think i'll stick with my existing collection.

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I don't always talk about libraries.
Monday, June 12, 2006 @ 11:18 a.m.

This year's book drive is to buy books for libraries in Harrison County, Mississippi: The Dewey Donation System. Several libraries in this area lost their whole collections in Hurricane Katrina. Also, the libraries have posted their amazon wishlists so you know you're buying materials that the libraries actually want... unlike most library donations that are not really what the libraries need.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006 @ 08:40 a.m.


Before I can move forward from my current position, I need Mod Podge. The whole "taking apart my desk organizer and re-covering the fronts of the drawers while leaving all my supplies in a pile on the floor" thing seemed like a good idea at 11:15 pm last night when I started it, but to be honest, I'm now regretting it a little.

Although the decoupaged drawer fronts look pretty cool now, if I do say so meself:

messybedroom 001

Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Anya: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. She's a witch.
Xander: Please, she . . . really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much découpage without calling on the powers of darkness.

(Funny sidenote: I found that quote by searching for "Martha Stewart" + "powers of darkness". Boolean humour.)

The decisions I make after 10:30 are never as good as the ones I make before 10:30, and that is a scientific fact.

I'd like to say that soon my craft furor will end and I'll go back to normal, but I don't think I can make that promise. These days the only satisfaction I get is from being busy, all the time. And making stuff is a great process for that because it can lead to perpetual occupation. (Note: cleaning too. I've been cleaning like crazy. Does my floor look like it's GLEAMING? That's because I washed it. With a mop. With bleach. And then I used the mop to wash my walls.)

Now can someone please drive me to Michael's?
Is Michael's even OPEN?
Gaaaah! the humanity!

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I'm coming in for a close-up!
Friday, June 9, 2006 @ 12:24 p.m.

etsy 050

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A cog in the capitalist machine
Thursday, June 8, 2006 @ 04:56 p.m.


I made a store on etsy. this is a venue for crafty types to sell their stuff. I'm not sure if I will ever make any money, but just to get rid of some of the excess craft in my apartment would be a real benefit right now.

In fact there's even a button:

Go ahead and click it. I encourage you to. And then buy things from me! Even if there is nothing there you want. The process of writing descriptions was so painful that I am past caring what other people want.

Oh yeah: in the process of setting up paypal to be attached to my bank account, they made some small deposits in my acct. so I could ocnfirm the amounts and prove I had access to the account. So I am now seven cents richer than I was yesterday, and I didn't even have to work for it. And if they ask me to pay it back I'm moving away, burning off my fingerprints with acid, and growing a moustache.

Step 3: PROFIT! (step 1 was "internet" and step 2 was "nachos," in case you were wondering.)

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I got an email from my bank.
Wednesday, June 7, 2006 @ 12:15 p.m.

"Whether you're currently saving for a down payment, searching for the right mortgage or just looking for some friendly advice, we're here to help.

The money for a down payment is there. It's just hiding. If saving for a down payment seems a bit out of your reach, don't worry. With just a few changes to your daily spending, you'd be surprised at how quickly your savings can add up."

The money for a down payment is NOT there. (Unless we are talking about the down payment for a fabulous Barbie dream house, in which case, count me IN.) I know, because I have have an intimate knowledge of my financial situation:

I do not need a broker to tell me what this means. I am already broker, by myself.

Stupid bank. It's like you're just mocking me! Now do something useful, like writing my term paper, or cooking me some Mr. Noodles (or more accurately, Mr. Generic Noodle-Type Flavoured SnackTM), or preparing me some kind of delicious iced coffee beverage, or leaving some comments on my website.

Don't worry about me, though. That's not what this is about. I had great Greek food yesterday. I woke up this morning and it was raining, which I love. My paper sucks, but at least it's almost done. I still have important money for iTunes. I'm taking some road trips this summer: to Seattle, Saskatoon, and Medicine Hat. (And the Saskatoon trip is going to include a fully subsidized trip to one of my favourite bookstores. Thank goodness for my parents and their guilt!) I haven't seen a bug in days. I have a very customizable web browser. I'm getting ready to open my own web store on etsy. And I'm going to see Bright Eyes tonight! I think it's safe to say that everything is coming up Jocelyn.

Except the mortgage thing.

And the fact that Barbie's dream house is being used as an army encampment.

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I just wanted to tell someone....
Tuesday, June 6, 2006 @ 12:24 p.m.

Firefox makes me very, very happy. Here is a picture of what my toolbar looks like. It's so great! Everything I use all the time is squished onto one line. And the mirriam-webster dictionary is my default look-up box. I totally want to make out with the developers of firefox.

I'm so excited, I just can't hide it. Obviously, I am easy to please today.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 @ 08:52 a.m.

rutherford 003

rutherford 002

Things people have come to my website searching for, which I either have or wish I had: Vincent Donofrio making love bed, alias drinking game, how to control my mutant power, French word for donut, onamatopeaia, i might have been born just plain white trash but fancy was my name. (It gives me a good feeling that for at least two of those requests, people might have actually found useful information on my page. Deletia: satisfying information needs!)

Things people have come to my website searching for, which I'm glad I don't have: da vinci's inquest fanfiction, Things to do on ecstasy, particularly gross porn requests.

PS: I think people who take ecstasy but use the internet for ideas of what to do while taking it might as well just watch TV or something.

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she's headed to the cheatin' side of town
Monday, June 5, 2006 @ 10:16 a.m.

I'm reading Matthew Battles' Library: An Unquiet History. I read the first five pages on the bus yesterday and I had to stop, for a ridiculous reason: it was so good, I felt like if I read it I would be wasting it, because I could never have the opportunity to read it for the first time again.

The part about Jorge Luis Borges, who in addition to being a wonderful writer, was the National Librarian of Argentina, made me cry:

No one should read self-pity or reproach
Into this statement of the majesty
Of God, who with such splendid irony
Granted me books and blindness at one touch. (19)

In honour of this, I added him to my list of hero-librarians.

I knew that if I waited long enough, that yucky Sunday feeling would go away, and so it has. I bought some groceries already this morning, and as I write this I am baking a yummy, fattening breakfast casserole, to celebrate the first time I get to eat actual breakfast food for breakfast in four days.

Everything is getting better and better. And I am only being a little bit sarcastic when I write that.

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every desperado and sharp-shooter
Sunday, June 4, 2006 @ 01:51 p.m.

Last night we played Trivial Pursuit, the pop culture edition. One question was something along the lines of, "This TV show had episodes called 'Hush' and 'The Dark Age.'" And I started giggling, because it was a question for the boys' team, and I knew James was going to get it. And so he did. I think the other boys were VERY impressed by his knowledge of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. One of the nicest things about him, and the most confusing, is that he almost always listens to me when I talk. Therefore, he knows more about certain subjects than anyone should have to. But at least in this one instance it has served him well.

I sometimes hate Sundays so much. It's like a Kris Kristofferson song. I have NOTHING, NOTHING to do. Except work, but I refuse to work because it's Sunday. So it's back to: dishes, watching TV, or making muffins. Oooh, or drinking peach schnapps. Or all four at the same time.

I am also in that really depressing state of having NO EDIBLE FOOD in my apartment, so I woke up this morning and ate frozen egg rolls for breakfast. (I cooked them first though) Yesterday I had chicken nuggets for breakfast. The whole situation makes me want to cry. I need to go to the grocery store.

I feel like I'm being suffocated by boredom, hunger, and lethargy. I already read three books this weekend, plus I ate everything in my fridge (some leftover rice, carrots, and I threw away my milk-- not saying much). I called James and complained about it, but he wasn't very sympathetic, possibly because he has to work today and I phone him every day and complain about something.

This lack of food and projects in turn makes me want to sit on my kitchen floor (where the bugs will probably get me) and think about old friends and what I ever did to lose them, and also how I will never get the damage deposit back on my apartment because I accidentally got chocolate in the carpet and orange paint on the wall. And nothing good can ever come of that kind of thinking. But that's what Sunday does to me. It leaves me broken and bored.

I hate the internet.

Someone crank call me or something.

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password strength: weak
Sunday, June 4, 2006 @ 09:31 a.m.

Rather than using some abstract measure of quality, here are the ten songs I must love a lot, given the frequency with which I listen to them on iTunes:

  • One Man Guy- Rufus Wainwright. Actually I do love this song in abstract ways in addition to listening to it all the time. Sad bastard music at its best.
  • Clown and Bard- Geoff Berner. I like the harmonies, the accordion, and the line: "Holding her hair as she puked absinthe off the Charles Bridge, it was a tender and a glamourous sight..."
  • Handsome- The George Bushes.
  • It's Only Love- Heather Nova.
  • For the Widows in Paradise, for the Homeless in Ypsilanti- Sufjan Stevens. I am really into Sufjan Stevens right now. I like his concept albums concept.
  • We Used to be Friends- The Dandy Warhols. I liked this song first in Veronia Mars, and it still has this happy VM tint to it. Every time it comes on, I say in my best high school voice, He used to be my boyfriend.
  • Push and Pull- Nikka Costa.
  • How to Be Dead- Snow Patrol. I just bought this album because it was so I don't feel guilty about having the MP3 anymore. Not that I really felt that guilty before, but I did a little.
  • World Outside- The Devlins. This song is so atmospheric, it has been in about fifty movies. And I am not exaggerating. I heard it on Six Feet Under first though, so I'm giving them the credit.
  • Inside & Out- Feist. It's a Beegees cover! It sounds kind of lounge-y! It facilitates dancing, with hand gestures. I was listening to it when I wrote the previous entry, as you might guess.

Oh, that's right. I did just make a top-10 list with ten items on it. I must be growing up.

Sort of embarrassing songs that could have easily been on that list but weren't (the alternate shameful top 10, or rather, in keeping with my standard of consistency, the alternate shameful top 5): Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, Hips Don't Lie by Shakira & Wyclef jean, Think It Over by Wave, Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benetar.

Hey, I installed MSN messenger! Does anyone want to be my friend? If so add me. My email is the same as the one above.

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Loves! You! Inside and out!
Friday, June 2, 2006 @ 09:54 a.m.

Apparently, my complaints about book prices not reflecting the strong Canadian dollar have not fallen on deaf ears. Good! I'm going to attribute this specifically to my personal complaints. Advocacy at work. Next up: beating world hunger.

One of the running jokes of my life is that I try to see Carolyn Mark play at least once a year, and yet I have never seen her play live. The bar where she usually plays in Edmonton, the Black Dog, is about a ten minute walk from my house. And yet I NEVER get to go. Every time, something comes up. So anyway, this morning I had the inspired idea of checking her website to see when she's playing here next, and then PLANNING TO GO. But it's the night of my last spring-session class. And I'm already missing one class to see Bright Eyes. Foiled once again. DAMN YOU SCHEDULE! DAMN YOU! For someone who almost never does anything, it's surprising how many things I don't get to do because I am already doing something else.

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Hello people!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006 @ 04:30 p.m.

Hey guess what? I was at Ten Thousand Villages (which is a store in my neighbourhood that sells fair-trade stuff and is a non-profit organization. I know what you're thinking: A STORE THAT IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION? I know. It's crazy) and they sell these Peters Projection Maps. Did you know that South America is more than 1.5 times the size of Europe? Neither did I! That's because schools are too poor to replace their imperialist Mercator maps. I stood there for several minutes thinking things like, "The Congo is that BIG? Russia is that LITTLE?" and I'm pretty sure the cashier (who is a volunteer, because IT IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION) thought I was nutty.

Right now I am using the ocean-and-palm-trees desktop wallpaper that comes with Windows, except I have superimposed This McSweeney's Sign over it. If I were independently wealthy I would move to San Francisco and become a full-time McSweeney's intern and pirate. And I would never be sad ever again.

*hearty pirate sigh*

I got the book Sex and the City from the library, except I'm kind of embarrassed to be seen reading it in public. I'm not sure why. As a result of this I haven't made very much progress on it. Also I watched Proof and it was OK, except it kind of reminded me of Sylvia. Substitute math for poetry and Jake Gyllenhaal for Ted Hughes (a good substitution by the way, like substituting chocolate chips for wood chips), and it would be the same movie.

Off to shower and then to class, thus becoming prettier and smarter,

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Superior Dendrite Quality
Tuesday, May 30, 2006 @ 05:52 p.m.

I have been playing this game. It's fun. (The program at that website is actually pretty good too.) I enjoy doing easy sudoku puzzles as fast as possible. (The easy ones on that program take me 11 minutes.) It seems like something that would be good for your brain. More robust dendrites, that's my goal. James is on a similar mission and so he has been throwing things in the air and catching them with his non-dominant hand. We're going to be a couple of very cognitively spry old people.

At the risk of out-seriousing my audience, I woke up from a nightmare this morning SOBBING. Except I was asleep, so I wasn't really crying, just making these horrible gasping noises. Lately I feel like I'm always on the verge of freaking out, even though there's no proof of it.

My work life these days is exciting. I've been given the chance to help curate an exhibit here, including choosing the books to display and putting together the catalogue. I'm also planning a conference (not single-handedly of course) and today we went and toured some hotels where we are thinking of having our participants stay. The funny part about this is that I have been given tremendous responsibility in regards to certain aspects of this conference, but everyone just treats me like an adult. It's hilarious! I make appointments and send business-y emails and I say things like "I am really looking forward to working with you on this project" and no one seems to consider it funny. The absurdity of the whole situation is lost on them.

Perhaps my shock of being treated as an adult is just a response to the fact that I've been in school more or less full-time since I was 4 years old. I've been infantilized. (Although not too much obviously, since I just used the word "infantilized," something real infants seldom do.) But it's still a shock. Perhaps once I enter the work world (or turn 30, whichever comes first) I'll get over it. It seems unlikely though!

I am volunteering for the River City Shakespeare Festival this year. With my cash-handling experience and friendly demeanour, I am a SUPERIOR QUALITY volunteer. Let it never be said that I never give anything back! Plus apparently I get a free bucket hat. So I have that to look forward to.

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Sunday, May 28, 2006 @ 09:37 p.m.

I wrote an entry. Then I immediately archived. Stupid, wonderful Jocelyn!

I put the comments back, but now there is only one per page instead of one per entry. That way, even if only one person leaves me a comment, at least it will show up for the whole page. I am hoping this will make me feel like less of a loser. Also I made permanent links! They will not work 100% of the time though, because pitas is not very smart about these things, and I am not smart enough to out-smart pitas.

I am doing some marking for my dad right now, to help him catch up. It's depressing work. It seems like his students, who are in Grade 12 English, are not even really capable of constructing sentences. They throw in random words for no reason, resulting in lines like, "the western liberal democracies and accessories." (Western liberal accessories? What does that involve? Crocheted suffrage scarves? Human rights beanie hats?) They do not accord verbs with nouns. They do not know the difference between their, there, and they're. I hate to sound like a reactionary grammar nazi, but WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO, ETC., ETC.?

Who am I kidding? Actually I LOVE sounding like a reactionary grammar nazi. That's what gets me through the night. That, and crystal meth.

I am inclined to write more, to push this entry up to the top of the page. Obviously there are a few kinks in my code. I should learn to use CSS.

My friend Meghan took the "Car and Pet Wash" photo above. Isn't she fabulous, folks?

I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records...

-Ryan Adams

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