black = new orange
you must not fear your computer


gotta make contact:

email: lobster at connect dot ab dot ca

there are other places you can go

i love love love love andrew for making the pitas server all fast and sexy

[angie] is a lot of great in a little body mass
i'm pretty crazy about [james]
[jeff] is an internet ninja
[jess] is my least-seen favourite person
[meghan] is the truck's stop


[pick*y cosmetics]
[abe books]
[emily strange]

[green notebook.net]
[fresh hell]
[excitement machine]
[little yellow different]
[eric conveys an emotion]
[mary chen]
[oh messy life]
[exploding dog]

[fametracker]- the farmer's almanac of celebrity worth
[television without pity]
[cjsr 88.5fm]
[acts of volition]
i dig [douglas coupland]
[sneak preview] (best video store in edmonton)
[random access memory]
[the fray]
[shakespeare] online
[the onion av club]
[fifty fresh pitas]
[damn hell ass kings]
[atlantic unbound]
[art of the mix]
[red balloon]
[the new varscona] edmonton
[the sims]
[buffy] the vampire slayer
[wild colonials]
[disturbing search requests]
[hey! url!]
[u of a]- where i go to school
[divide by zero]- fonts
[1000 journals] project
[feels like] forecast
if you use multiple chat/IM clients you need [trillian]

l < subversive > ?
boys [suck]

i've been
fucking imood
since march 1st, 2000!

life is short, i'll be brief
Sunday, April 7, 2002 @ 10:21 p.m.

latin for breakups, from nerdslut.org (I wish I had that domain name... no wait, never mind, I don't)

I used to have a latin sign on my door which said, "If you can read this, you can get a job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!" but I lost it in one of my moves. I miss it.


you might want to put some shorts on if you want to keep fighting evil today
Sunday, April 7, 2002 @ 08:21 p.m.

My sister and I watched Buffy for six hours today. It was very satisfying. Faith was cool. Too bad she was so, well, evil.
"When Giles sends me on a mission he always says 'please'... and when I get back I get a cookie."

A new Sims expansion pack. (from Meghan)

I don't usually pull entries, but yesterday's was boring and whiny. So, you lose! This one is boring, but at least it's short.

That is all.


Friday, April 5, 2002 @ 05:19 p.m.

a can of verifiable whoop ass.
Furthermore, if anyone really loves me, they could buy me a signed copy of microserfs, and this really cute bag from blurr @ MEC.

Also contemplating: a tin Spanish lunchbox from oasis in west ed., and a bikini from old navy, just because i think somehow buying a new bathing suit makes summer come faster.

Why am I so hung up on shopping these days? Well, identity behaviour, of course! How else am I going to distinguish myself from everyone else, besides the indelible combination of products I wear and consume?

Help. I'm so bored. I just got back from the pool, and I smell like the future. Also: I'm hungry. I think I need some protein.

Also: I'm bored. And bored.


oh yeah...
Friday, April 5, 2002 @ 02:27 p.m.

two years ago I got married to lance bass, the guy from nsync who looks like an alien.


what is, what is, what is/and what can never be
Friday, April 5, 2002 @ 02:12 p.m.

occasionally a little green on skin? No problem! They are not because or premature. They are real natural grown fruits!

Things are going OK, I guess. I've been feeling weird lately-- not in a bad way, just weird. Like I'm waiting for something. Spring, probably. I'm going to the gym. My mom is still sick so we're renting Sidney Poitier movies tonight. I'm humming the Adventure Bus song.

Meghan and I went to see Panic Room yesterday. In it, Dwight Yoakam is the world's most evil man, and he does evil things. But Jodie Foster hits him really hard over the head with a hammer almost as big as she is. That was my $8.50, right there.

I had this dream that all the skin was peeling off my foot-- serious peeling off, in huge pieces-- and when I woke up I was feverishly relieved that my foot was normal. Weird.

It might not be OK, but it's almost OK. I'll just be here waiting for you...


I know, I know. Thank God for me.
Thursday, April 4, 2002 @ 09:52 a.m.

"Oh, sigh," you are saying to yourself this morning. "I really want to buy Jocelyn a present for no reason, but I can't think what she would want."

help is here. The coolest thing, ever, basically.


Wednesday, April 3, 2002 @ 06:25 p.m.

Someone sent my sister some bizarre product warnings:

on Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving sggestion: Defrost."
on Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
on a Japanese food processor: "not to be used for the other use."

Meghan and I had some Doritos which had ground-up leprechaun and Telletubby powder as seasoning. Yum.

"I haven't reversed the colour spectrum here, because I only have 4 pens." -my phil prof

"Such claims are as meaningless as the claim that the number five is green, or that love weighs twenty grams." -Peter Churchland

"Animals, including humans, presumable have a prelinguistic mode of sensory representation..." (but what is it like?)

Something extraordinary needs to happen now, in order for life to continue.

I just thought you should know.


Oh: a big deletia happy to James, who is 23 today. Yay. James.


powered by love
Sunday, March 31, 2002 @ 01:56 p.m.

Becky and I were wondering whether the FMS department at the U of A (well, actually the Department of Film Studies, Comparative Literature, Religion, and all the other Classes That Aren't Important Enough to Have Their Own Department) offers a class in 80s movies. I said, "I lived through the 80s. I wish they had meant more to me at the time." It's true. I mean, I was never in to the New Kids on the Block or anything... although my best friend was, in third grade. I only listened to oldies when I was a kid.

Anyway, I guess I'm a child of the 90s, but what were the 90s about? Nothing, I don't think. The Gulf War. Kurt Cobain killing himself. Pierce Brosnan as James Bond. That's all I remember from the 90s. And I was, like, 17 when they ended... it couldn't have been a very meaningful decade.


i have undergone mitosis
Saturday, March 30, 2002 @ 01:17 p.m.

there are now 2 of me. Jocelyn1 will do homework, write my last philosophy explication, and work. Jocelyn2 will engage in non value-added activities included but not limited to watching Francis Ford Coppola movies, sleeping in, drinking herbal tea, colour-coding floppy disks, and eating chocolate cookies. (Also, Jocelyn2 will take charge of website updates and other lonely procrastination-type activities. I am Jocelyn2. There may be no Jocelyn1... which may be why I never do anything... hmmm.)

for efficiency's sake.

Where is everyone?


so let me get this straight...
Friday, March 29, 2002 @ 05:24 p.m.

you put the lime in the coconut?

Yesterday we had a Seder supper for passover, which was fun. You eat special food but there's also a ritual that goes along with. And lots of unleavened bread. Yeah. Yuck.

I also drank a lot of kosher wine.

My parents brought me an entire bag of yellow gummy dinosaurs, painstakingly picked out of the bulk bin at Superstore, because yellow are my favourite.


Thursday, March 28, 2002 @ 05:19 p.m.

Meghan and I once decided that Michelle Branch was what Maren Ord was trying really hard to be, and failing. But her new single annoys me. Yes.

This is a list of things I collect: self-help love books (how to make men fall in love with you, etc.) - Pez dispensers - Rex Stout books - bizarre food concoctions from other parts of the world (including Tusker beer from Kenya, hot sauce from Honduras, mini Coke, SPAM, and gum with arabic writing on it) - lip balm - Tori Amos singles - bootlegs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer - romance languages - finger uppets - mixtapes. Yes.

The priests at my mother's work invited us over for dinner on Sunday. I asked her, "Priests don't make you confess to them if you're not Catholic, do they?" and she said, "I don't think so." I think, after 19 years, I would have to say about 1.8 billion hail Marys.

People who know the Blue's Clues theme song should date each other. Yes. The world makes sense.

My parents went to the store. They told me they would bring me candy. I am waiting for them to come home.


we are totally travelling through time!
Wednesday, March 27, 2002 @ 09:35 a.m.

Hey! There's a new 20 things art swap going on, if anyone is interested in this kind of thing. I keep telling myself I'm going to do this, although I never seem to have time. The art contributed for past projects is really intimidating.

Last summer James and I went to Going Postal at the Works, an exhibit of mail art from all over the world (put on by the Edmonton Small Press Association). I can't find a website for them now, but if I find one later I'll post it. Anyway, it was extremely cool and made me wish I had enough artistic cred to get involved in some kind of mail art project.

See also: the electronic museum of mail art.

Wow, I just realized. I missed my bus, twenty minutes ago, and I didn't even notice. That was a bit foolish.


i think that's exciting.
Tuesday, March 26, 2002 @ 05:37 p.m.

Woohoo! An instant translator that makes regular text into Sqedish-chef style Swedish! Now this is what the internet is for. (Forget "connecting humanity" and all that nonsense.)


busses even go there
Monday, March 25, 2002 @ 02:19 p.m.

The. Nicest. Bus. Shelter. Ever. (Via girlhero)

If you tried something like this in an ETS bus stop you would probably get arrested. Although, the one across the street from my house does have "REVOLT AGAINST GLOBALIZATION" carved into the seat. This struck me as strange. I mean, I could rebel against globalization, but no one would notice. No one notices me. This is just a sad fact of my life.

I would love to go to the Shetland Islands. Anyone who wants to can invite me. I would go there with no backpack or suitcase, just my little MEC bag with a passport and some twizzlers, and I would never come back. I hate it here. It's always winter and never Christmas. Well, hardly ever.

A funny thing about dinosaurs.

Top quote from the Oscars: "Well, the schizophrenic mathematicians have two and the hobbits have 4..." Again, funny. I'm already getting Oscar-related referrals: "Cameron Diaz oscar nipple" and "Julia Roberts kissing Denzel."


"immune to evil demon doubt"
Monday, March 25, 2002 @ 12:05 p.m.

I'm home already. There were too many people at school today. Besides, I hate all my classes.

Wow, I wonder if I'm related to this guy? A seismic interpretation expert! How exciting!

Will someone come over to my house and make me grilled cheese sandwiches? I'm having a bad week.


now featuring desperate pleas for attention
Friday, March 22, 2002 @ 06:07 p.m.

Is there a you-shaped hole in my life?

I thought so.

I read the entire hissyfit bad teen novel this afternoon in one sitting, or at least, as much of it as was posted. It's hilarious. It reminds me of a much earlier deletia group project: the interactive bad teenage poem, which is still alive (!), although in a state of advanced moral decay (read the ending-- it's taken a serious turn for the dirty!). I can't believe some people's non-serious contributions. Well, I guess we can't all be Bad Teeage Poets.

From the forum, it seems bad teenage literature is a veritable phenomenon. I'm surprised the U of A doesn't have a department... and a literary journal. Hmmm. (Plus: creepy merchandise! Which won't seem creepy unless you read it! So go!)

OK, i think that's enough of that. I've spent the last 3 hours working and eating Sociables, the most sociable cracker ever. Besides the fact that they're made by Phillip Morris. Out of old cigarettes. I think that's enough gratuitous hyperlinking for one night. Goodnight.


oooh! banal imitations of the liberal west!
Friday, March 22, 2002 @ 03:21 p.m.

Surveillance Camera Players: these people put on shows for surveillance cameras in NYC. "Shows" is the best word I can think of under the circumstances. Come on, that's damn cool. (via the print edition of adbusters)

This reminds me of the This Hour Has 22 Minutes takeoff on the Royal Bank ads with all the people holding signs. There would be a customer holding a sign that said something like, "Can I have a loan to start a small business?" and then a bank exec holding a sign that said "No!" while dancing on a desk covered in money.

I was going to try to find a copy of the TV ad on adcritic but the site has been closed down. phhht.

I managed to slice my hand open with a bread knife. So, typing is harder than it should be. Also, I have a program advisor now. I feel ready to face the future.


i have this bad habit of leaving the oven on
Thursday, March 21, 2002 @ 04:04 p.m.

  1. Courtney sent me, via Meghan, this absolutely wonderfully bizarre catalogue featuring donald, the creepiest product mascot ever. (for diesel jeans) This totally made my day.
  2. Becky told me about this shoe company that manufactures shoes which read on the sole: "Protects against mud, rain and Satan." I wish my shoes protected against Satan.
  3. My red juice tastes better than usual today. Ground-up beetles perhaps?
  4. That's it, really. A "consumption" day. Although I haven't bought anything for 8 days, it's all around me.


he caught the same disease that was killing all the chestnut trees
Wednesday, March 20, 2002 @ 04:01 p.m.

Yippi-Yi-Yes! I've been getting stuff done in the Jocelyn web universe!

1. Note addition (at last) of new links at left. Go look at these websites. It will make you smarter.

2. Finally got online edition (albeit fairly lame online edition) of trip journal finished. Splink link.

3. A great link which I wanted to post earlier, but felt it wasn't substantial enough and couldn't think of witty commentary or anecdotes to accompany it. This, of course, has been rectified. Splink link, again.

3b: Subpoint. Why does "rectify" always sound like a dirty word? Discuss.

4. Fun bonus DVD feature: scanned doodle-extravaganza from my FMS class today. Now available in convenient internet format-- no struggling with your remote control-- just scroll down!

5. OK, there is no five. Nothing is ever enough for you people!


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