it means everything that has been erased

If we do not find anything very pleasant,
at least we shall find something new. -Voltaire

fun! free! nutritious!
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email: jocelynb at shaw dot ca

Give me an E, maestro
Saturday, August 17, 2002 @ 01:28 p.m.

We have an exchange student at our house. He is Swiss. I bet you wish you had an exchange student! Haha! I WIN!

I finished my class, and I'm totally in post-class crash mode now, thus the lack of updates. I've been sleeping an awful lot, and getting sick. And watching movies.

Get off your ass and go to the Fringe!

18 items
Monday, August 12, 2002 @ 09:35 a.m.

as i was walking in the streets of laredo
i saw a cowboy all dressed in white linen
all dressed in white linen, as cold as the clay.
"i see by your outfit that you are a cowboy."
"i see by your outfit you are a cowboy too."
we see by our outfits that we are both coyboys
if you get an outfit you can be a cowboy too!

If you ever go on a car trip with my family, you will need to know this song. We sing it quite a bit.

Speaking of car-trips, did you know that I am going to a wedding in a couple weeks in Saskatchewan? My family is renting a minivan and bringing our posse (our Swiss exchange student, who is arriving today; James; and Becky). I'm sure there will be much joyful Smothers Brothers song-duelling and probably some bickering, too. Woo! Minivan! Woo! Bickering!

where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
Saturday, August 10, 2002 @ 04:07 p.m.

So, apparently a rich British family has placed a posting saying they are looking to hire a hermit, the first such ad in several hundred years. In the past, rich families would hire hermits to live in caves or shacks on their property to scare away trespassers and lend the estate a certain what the French call "I don't know what." I was thinking of applying. After all, I'm already anti-social, and I could grow a magnificently tangled and mangy full beard.

In other odd news: Jeremy Irons, star of the soft-porn version of Lolita, has "issues."

In different other news, I'm beginning work on my play. I already have a title, and my typewriter all set up. When I present it in my family room you are all invited. (And by "you" I mean "people I know" plus "anyone else who's not crazy")

Oh my God. There's a bird stuck in the flue of my chimney. I can hear it cooing. I don't know what to do. I can't get at it because the chimeny isn't open. It's horrifying.

It stopped making noise. I hope it's not dead. Maybe it escaped.

Ever since my fish-keeping attempts when I was a child, the idea of being in the same room as dead things makes me very frightened and very sad. This doesn't apply to people, I don't think, although now that I think about it I've never really been around dead people. Maybe I am horrified by them, I just don't know it yet. Anyway, this is making me very upset.

Saturday, August 10, 2002 @ 09:15 a.m.

How did the witch pass the sound barrier?
highlightWith a sonic broom!

Friday, August 9, 2002 @ 01:12 a.m.

Look. i made something beautiful.

i touch the fire and it freezes me...
Friday, August 9, 2002 @ 12:11 a.m.

bah bah bah

Did you know that if you stay up late enough, you can read the email that you normally wouldn't get to read until the next morning? How about that, eh?

I have rolo ice cream and sub sandwiches complet avec fixins', and I'm lonely. Does anyone want to come over?



I kind of wish my family would come home. At least they prevent me from watching The Muppets at midnight, and sitting around in my underwear, and listening to rap music. All of which...

Well, you know.

I'm an English rock star. English-the-academic-area-of-study, not English-the-nationality ('cause that would make me one of the Gallaghers... yeah... ew)

The atlantic monthly website has an interesting interview with P. J. O'Rourke now, and I should know cause, well, I just read it. Yes. And the website has way better content than most magazine websites, and they don't try to whore themselves out to you (ie., get you to subscribe) as often as other websites.

Like mine.

Subscribe to the secret paid sections of my website! Help support an endangered species-- wealthy people named Jocelyn! And feel good in the process. Or, well, one of the two.

Just in case you were keeping track
Tuesday, August 6, 2002 @ 07:04 p.m.

the domain name used to belong to a skanky real estate agent from las vegas, but now it's just another porn site. A porn site boasting the best teenage girls, nonetheless. Yeah, apparently I am that hot.

Teen angel, can you hear me?
Teen angel, can you see me?
Are you somewhere up above, and am I still your one true love?

I hate to seem endlessly cynical and mean-spirited, but the girl from that song is SO stupid. Who runs back to a car stalled on a train track without LOOKING FIRST?

This just goes to prove what I've already said: true love is not a get out of jail free card. Or a get out of terrible-train-and-car-wreck card. Or whathaveyou.

It just goes to show that just because someone is really really good-looking, doesn't mean they can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

a pen in his teeth like a rose
Tuesday, August 6, 2002 @ 10:56 a.m.

Happy Andy Warhol's Birthday. (You know you're a hardcore geek when... [a] you get excited by changes to Google's main page.)

"he has a wife, you know."
Monday, August 5, 2002 @ 11:03 p.m.

Fun bonus link of the day
in which I once again become distracted by all the strange people who inhabit this world we call the "internet," and ponder for a few moments whether their websites are well-executed jokes, and then finally say, "hmmm," and go have a glass of juice.

Hmm. Well, I don't know whether a new spirit is really for me... I mean, I've already worked out the kinks with the one I've got.


3 things that make me very, very, very happy
Monday, August 5, 2002 @ 10:43 p.m.

  1. Finding the Buffy season I boxed set @ wee book inn
  2. the movie TADPOLE, which we went to see, which is at the princess, which is wonderful
  3. the most nutricious snack i have ever eaten: pineapple juice and fresh raspberries
  4. carolyn mark on the cover of 1 free arts magazine; nick lowe on the cover of another
  5. James, who is the god of boyfriends
  6. not being able to count

i am *foolproof*
Sunday, August 4, 2002 @ 07:04 p.m.

My dog is so depressed. He stands in the back yard with his feet on the fence, watching for my family to come up the driveway. I've tried explaining that they're not coming home for another week and a half, but he just looks at me dolefully, like he suggests I've murdered them and am lying to him. I'm going to placate him with cookies, thereby causing him to develop a doggie eating disorder.

My term paper is approximately 4.5/7ths written. I suppose it's time to go back to it.

I'm going to do things my way, my way or the highway. Yup. New term paper paradigm. How many paragraphs does it have? AS MANY AS I WANT!

when i'm feeling down i want you above me
Saturday, August 3, 2002 @ 01:06 p.m.

Well, Kristen and James have only been gone for 2 days and already I've picked up the following ideologically dangeorus habits:
  1. Eating freezies and reading film theory in the bathtub; running new hot water every three minutes
  2. Going to Mac's to buy chocolate milk with my hair tied up into two dorky little buns (avoid getting hair wet in bath), wearing James' sweater which I borrowed a couple days ago, sweatpants, Superstore sandals, and no bra

At least I'm drinking chocolate milk and not bourbon.

In other news: I am in love with Andre Bazin, the film theorist.

The weezer website has a little documentary about the making of the keep fishin video. Pepe the King Prawn is the director! I KNOW!

i'll bring home the turkey if you'll bring home the bacon
Friday, August 2, 2002 @ 08:12 p.m.

Top 3 cool covers found on winMX at this fine hour of the evening:

  • In The Ghetto, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
  • Crimson and Clover, Joan Jett
  • Solitary Man, Johnny Cash

Bust magazine wants you to ask: What Would Joan Jett Do? It's lucky I'm broke, or I'm sure I would buy this, and then I would be broke again PLUS people would give me weird looks at school. I imagine.

I went puddle-splashing today with a certain 2-year-old of my acquaintance. I miss James. I've had it to here being where love's a small word. Or possibly, world. Either way, though, I've had it to here!

Now that I know Cam still reads my website, I am going to try to entertain him.

I've been telling everyone about this shockwave movie: a part of Star Wars, acted out with minifigs. I don't want to give away the ending, but I will give you a hint: the one with the "dark helmet" is the other one's father, apparently! I know! I was shocked too! [Hmm. So, I was going to link to it, but it's gone. So, well, uh, forget it? And, uh, Sorry?]

I saw a weezer video today, and it had the Muppets in it. Oh. My God. I knew there was a reason (besides Buffy reruns) that I should get cable.

give to me a famous cold shoulder
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 @ 11:09 p.m.

Much of this evening was spent in pursuit of the two video versions of LOLITA, the 1961 Stanley Kubrick one ("video store clerks love Stanley Kubrick... he is like their God." "I never got through the beginning of the one with the monkeys." "Outbreak? Err, 2001: A Space Oddysey?")and the 1997 one. Obviously everyone in my class is more studious and responsible than I am, not to mention better-organized, because the first three stores we went to didn't have them. I HATE those other people who got the ones at Sneak Preview, and the Lynnwood Blockbuster, first. HATE. I'm going to sleep with one eye open because I think next they might carbomb my house... er, my car.

To express my disapproval with this weather, every time I go outside I say loudly, "BOOOH!" like the old woman from Buttercup's dream in The Princess Bride. ("Bow to her! Bow to the queen of garbage!") So far it's not working, but I keep hoping.

I was reading American Psycho, but here is the lowdown. I'm sure it's as important and serious and satirical a book as everyone says it is. People tell me it's good, and I believe them. I'm not a literary warrior who has to hate books just because other people like them. But I am also admitting that this is my summer vacation, and I don't have to read books I don't want to read, and I couldn't read that book any more because of two factors: (1) the detailed descriptions of everyone's outfit in every scene (it's like Sweet Valley High or something) and (2) the torturing, beating and murdering of women. I just don't feel like dealing with it right now, and so I'm making a unilateral decision. No more American Psycho. It's time for something light and fun and possibly involving Stephen Leacock.

if i thought this was something that a little time could mend
Monday, July 29, 2002 @ 09:38 p.m.

It's one of those nights where I try to work around it-- I go visit my friend Meghan, and play basketball with my sister, and pick raspberries, and listen to Sarah Harmer-- but the fact is that I want to watch Wayne's World, but I don't have it, so I can't.

And nothing else will really satisfy me.

be a bad consumer
Sunday, July 28, 2002 @ 07:54 p.m.

i think we know who wears the cowboy hat in this relationship.

I guess we were afraid of having our pictures taken.

sleep away the afternoon
Sunday, July 28, 2002 @ 03:48 p.m.

I'm writing my second paper for my english class. I am writing it about Marxism and cultural theory. It is very, very boring, and in its honour I am going to write a very, very boring website update.

Done and done.