welcome to my paper empire.

better than crack

Saturday, February 23, 2002 @ 07:20 p.m.

Oh, God. ARGH.

I thought that would make me feel better... but no, no it didn't.

i. the light is so harsh outside, as if this were a space station and not a home. everything seems to be made of blocks, like a home built by a small child.
ii. TV is a wasteland. i hate it.
iii. downloaded, poor-quality movies of "bloopers": animals injuring themselves, people trying to jump over swimming pools and failing, broken limbs. it's not supposed to be funny.
iv. a permanent nintendo whine in my ears.
v. feeling guilty because i am a bad consumer, and i let myself be bullied.
vi. jealousy. i'm jealous of everyone around me, well, almost everyone.
vii. perspective, or lack thereof.
viii. the last time someone told me they loved me. i don't know when it was. whenever it was, it's #8.
ix. the way a laptop screen wavers in front of your eyes.
x. the end of the world.

yeah, that's it. I was sitting at the computer when it came, and I didn't even have time to lift my fingers off the keys to my ears. suddenly electricity ended, or there was too much of it, and the world fried itself and then froze, and my last thought was something mundane: "this isn't what i thought it would be like" or "i wish i was somewhere else for this."

only then it turned out it wasn't the end of the world after all; it was just the end of people. although, if it makes us feel better, the planet will never recover.

my history webpage
Friday, February 22, 2002 @ 10:03 p.m.


Sorry all. Links for me, no for you.

"losers always whine about their best. winners go home and date the prom queen." I love movies censored for TV.

What I miss about my house: filtered water, my bed, my CDs, my dog, buffy tapes, and clean floors.

Friday, February 22, 2002 @ 08:59 a.m.

This is pretty hilarious. I love the onion.

snow falling on near-thought
Friday, February 22, 2002 @ 08:44 a.m.


I woke up at the sound of the alarm from a nightmare about vampire-pigs, and lay in bed for a minute in the half-light, utterly disoriented, before I realized it was my alarm and not sirens or vampire pigs screaming or the end of the world. I got up and wandered out into the snow in my bare feet to get the paper.

I hate these half-days that aren't really days at all, they're just watching TV and waiting. And eating pasta. Yeah. Ewwww.

Please email me, it seems awfully lonely and boring right now on the Jocelyn-planet.

"insane fun? that sounds... fun!"
Thursday, February 21, 2002 @ 09:10 p.m.

Well, the kiddies are going back to school... thank god. If anyone has tried to, like, talk to me in the past few days, you won't have succeeded. I'm not home! I'm hiding out in my underground bunker until I am absolutely confident that jimmy hoffa and the progressive conservative party pose no threat to me.

The place I'm staying has these cups made out of metal. I think they're steel, or tin or titanium or something. I drink five alive out of them. It makes the juice taste all metally, like alchemy in my stomach... like an alloy party in my mouth.

I don't like five alive but drinking it makes me feel like I am buying into the "randomness dream." It makes me feel big, and cool.

Also: I'm really enjoying reading the a series of unfortunate events books. They're very dark and very funny. And poignant, in that, uh, dark/funny way. I'm not really sure who they're intended for, though, other than me. Adults? Children? Anyway, if you want to win my love and certain "unspeakable favours" from me, you should buy them for me. But you'll have to do it fast, because I think I might buy them for myself.


Tuesday, February 19, 2002 @ 03:06 p.m.

OK, Jocelyn, you forgetful girl, here is the history midterm assignment: click

You're going to need it!

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Tuesday, February 19, 2002 @ 11:39 a.m.

The last time I wore this sweater must have been at the bar, because it smells TERRIBLE.

The tale sounds true
Tuesday, February 19, 2002 @ 09:40 a.m.

"'I make mistakes, but I am on the side of Good,' the Golux said, 'by accident and happenchance. I had high hopes of being evil when I was two, but in my youth I came upon a firefly burning in a spider's web. I saved the victim's life.'
'The firefly's?' asked the minstrel.
'The spider's. The blinking arsonist had set the web on fire.'"

-The Thirteen Clocks, by James Thurber

Well, what? I went to church on Sunday night and to the provincial museum yesterday. The sixties exhibit was quite good. You should go see it, if you haven't already. My sister didn't go with us, because she thinks the sixties are "boring." I pointed out they were the time of the women's liberation movement, civil rights, and the vietnam war, among other things, and she looked at me with this look: How could you be so stupid?

My mom bought me Mr. Potato Head stickers, and they had a display about bomb shelters which rocked my world. Question for Tuesday: why am I so fascinated with bomb shelters?

let's go cruise for chicks with poor self-esteem!
Sunday, February 17, 2002 @ 10:45 p.m.

i love that new five alive ad. those five alive ads are so fucked up. but they embrace their fuckedupness, like matisse on crack or something.

Some days I can't think of anything to say, but rest assured that the universe is spinning much as it should.

One thing I forgot
Saturday, February 16, 2002 @ 02:04 p.m.

Today is a very good day!

What Video Game Character Are You? I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.

I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You?


I stole-- err, borrowed-- that link from potential.pitas.com

The internet is broken
Saturday, February 16, 2002 @ 01:44 p.m.

This is the end, this is the end

To anyone who's made an attempt to contact me in the past four days or so: I'M SORRY! My email is broken. Like, it's really really broken. If you want to get in touch with me try jbadley@ualberta.ca. Or just wait, it might get fixed if I ever get around to fixing it.

I've discovered that the key to hangover prevention is to drink only blue drinks. That's all I had last night and it seemed to have worked. That extra "blueness" apparently is the magic ingredient.

miscellaneous postcards from my paper empire:
1. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
2. things to do in heaven when you're bored
3. "and in return for the fact that you've annoyed us, we want Canada" -my Soc prof, on what the US said to Britain before the War of 1812
4. When I wear these jeans, I miraculously become... Captain Staple! I run around defending humanity from Evil TM and, well, stapling things. Well, not running so much as sort of sauntering purposefully.
5. "...who believed that God had given America the atomic bomb"
6. "A suggestion that dolphins should be genetically engineered to give head, whcih does not bear repeating"
7. Meghan sent me some mail!

One more note:
To whoever came here googling for "colin firth wimp": FUCK YOU! Colin Firth is not a wimp. He may be kind of sulky, but only in a very manly (appealing) way. I can almost guarantee that he is less wimpy than you. Whoever you are.

It's time for another edition of... ask the internet!
Thursday, February 14, 2002 @ 05:36 p.m.

Which of these areas should I declare as my major? YOU DECIDE!

. I hate having to link to globalguestpoll, but I do because I'm too lazy to learn even the simplest cgi scripting myself

Valentine's Day Update
Thursday, February 14, 2002 @ 04:13 p.m.

I am seriously considering buying myself flowers and carrying them around with me everywhere I go.

i think that's exciting
Wednesday, February 13, 2002 @ 02:27 p.m.

in the deep south of heaven there's catfish waiting to be born, but they know how it happens, tonight is all to them

people named james:

  • James.
  • This other James I sort of had a crush on in junior high, with red hair and freckles, who I had completely forgotten about until yesterday when I was looking at my grade-7 yearbook
  • my gURL cybersweetie-- who likes rocks, sending me mail, and "political activism" (and says things like, "Wow, are those really your eyes? They make eyes that perfectly green?")
  • The exboyfriend of the musician from the movie High Fidelity
  • one of the first governors of Canada before confederation, who issued a report explaining how fucked up the situation between French- and English-Canada was, in, like, 1773 or something (James Murray)
  • Author and humourist James Thurber, author of such wonderful books as The Thirteen Clocks and People Have More Fun Than Anyone
  • One of my sims, who is a happy-go-lucky Spanish exchange student with a blue beret

Any more contributions to the list? Email me!

Wow, Joce... bored much?

Coming soon: a list of people named Olivia

don't look so scared
Monday, February 11, 2002 @ 01:20 p.m.

I got my weekend's worth of weekend:
Electric popsicles (cocktails, not shots). Photo booths. Warm weather, melting everything into toxic brown sludge-- it feels like spring. Chicken noodle soup with "special noodles." Tabletop Tetris. Late-night pizza (pepperonigreenpeppermushroom). Taped Simpsons. Some serious talk. I stayed home today, dozing with my dog, in a room that has suddenly become a vessel for light.

and this quote: "On the souls of all my dead brothers, and even the ones who are't feeling so good, I am your man."

i'm much too young to be having a midlife crisis
Sunday, February 10, 2002 @ 02:45 p.m.

I got a valentine, from Wilson, one of the kids in my Sunday School class. It has a winnie the pooh sticker on it. I can't remember the last time I got a valentine from someone... it was nice.

Becky told me the Chem undergrad students' association has a sign on their door:

we love chemistry
so you don't have to.

it's funny because it's so true.

Oh: Spike and Buffy are getting into bondage now, at least in Buffy's dreams. It's a little disturbing, actually. I would rather have them share a love that's dark and pure and true and has nothing to do with sex. When actually it has everything to do with sex.

This is because I watched the 5-hour Pride and Prejudice last night with my family, and it left me with a broken heart. It's so pretend, but it's so much better than what's real. I want to move into a world where that kind of love exists, and I would willingly leave this one behind forever. Watching it was great, but also kind of... like a chest xray.

mind the gap
Friday, February 8, 2002 @ 03:25 p.m.

My philosophy TA has a Camus lunchbox, the picture of him in a long trenchcoat smoking a cigarette. I was like, "Where did you get it?" and she's like, "I made it! It used to be a 101 Dalmations lunchbox!" Obviously there is NOT an explanation for everything in the world.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you this except I feel shitty and I wanted something to say. I've had a headache for, i swear to god, four days. I don't feel like going to the UK anymore, or anywhere really. Would someone please take me out tonight and get me properly drunk? Or, if no one's in the mood, you could just drive by my house and throw stuff at me.

By the way, I lied when I said I was fine.

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