Intercom voice: "All the demons have escaped. Please run for your life."
Riley: "We should build a fort."
Adam: "I'll get the pillows."

fun! free! nutritious!



My comments are thoughtfully provided by enetation

it means everything that has been erased

and take your place
Saturday, May 17, 2003 @ 11:08 a.m.

"So, you work at the denture clinic?"
"Yes, we're denture models."

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.


freeways, cars & trucks
Wednesday, May 21, 2003 @ 10:08 p.m.

Oh: a very du moment shirt couresy of thinkgeek. This would be appropriate for me although I doubt-- SERIOUSLY doubt-- I would ever wear it.

I will stop generating content soon and go to bed, I promise.


Wednesday, May 21, 2003 @ 09:03 p.m.

Ooooh, also: the Liquor Land on Jasper Ave. has a sign out front that says


With no other indication of brand or price or anything. It was almost enough to make me want to drink beer.


To add to my list of accolades:
Wednesday, May 21, 2003 @ 05:56 p.m.

I took emode's IQ test and it told me I have an IQ of 135. This is the first time I have bothered to answer the math questions in an online IQ test, which explains the high score. (Nonetheless, I'm a cunning linguist like, I think, Charles Dickens, and my film studies professor, and John Cusack, or I'm going to tell myself that anyway.) Anyway, apparently this means I am not smart enough to join mensa. [Or so my sister says; their website is indecipherable.] Well, fuck 'em. I didn't want to be part of their stupid organization anyway. I'm already part of my father's competing organization, the working man's mensa: densa. And that's good enough for me.

I like the people I work with, because they don't seem to believe in working too hard. I don't have a problem with that work ethic, at all. If everyone slacks equally, there's no guilt and no pain!

With my newly restructured free time, I'm beginning to get into the Sims again. I'd forgotten how this game re-wires your brain. I start to think of myself as a Sim in a huge world with all the expansion packs. Only there's no carpool, only the bus. But on the plus side, I don't have to eat a meal that looks like hashed meat and salad twice a day.


you KNOW what I mean
Tuesday, May 20, 2003 @ 04:41 p.m.

So here's something I've noticed:
I am apparently attractive enough that strangers ask me out, but not attractive enough that quality strangers ask me out. All of the offers I get are curt and offensive, and they're usually from people who look like they are desperate, and/or unemployed, and also possibly suffering from mental problems. I'm serious. These are dispossessed people, people. Today it was a guy in an elevator who didn't even bother to greet me first, just cut to the chase:

*normal elevator-silence*
Dispossessed Guy In Elevator: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Jocelyn [In head]: "Fuck off, you fucking bastard, it's none of your fucking business."
Jocelyn [In real life]: "Yeah."
DGIE: *incomprehensible muttering*

it's not cool. I guess I shouldn't dress like such a tramp.

To make this entry longer, here is a conversation I had with my phone two days ago.

*phone rings*
Jocelyn: "Hello?"
Phone: *beeping sound*
Jocelyn: "Beep. Beeeep? Beeeeep."
Phone: *click*
Jocelyn: "I tried speaking to it in its own language but it didn't answer me."

I told Meghan about this and she was like, "What would you have done if a person had answered after that?"


Still in mourning, but updating
Monday, May 19, 2003 @ 12:07 p.m.

If you like the idea of mail art, or receiving non-bills-mail, but you're afraid of commitment, then postcardx is the site for you. Random acts of mail are cool.

Locally: the Edmonton Small Press Association

I get paid in 9 working days, and that weekend I am going to engage in some reckless consumption.

Last week I was idly wondering how fast I type, because my resume has said "40+ words per minute" since high school. So I took a test on the internet last week and found out I type 80 words a minute.

80! Combined with my extensive knowledge of 60s pop music, this skill should be able to get me a high-paying job of some kind, possibly in the Spam-sending industry.


My matatu is comfortable and moves like a concord jet
Monday, May 19, 2003 @ 08:36 a.m.

I like to read about how readers of donated hundreds of books to the Oakland, CA public library after its funding was cut. I'd like to send a donation but that will have to wait until I get paid. It's sometimes nice to do things for other people.

There you go. I'm like Confucius, yo.

However, the internet's random acts of kindness are not enough to cheer me up from the loss of my favourite TV show. The last episode is today. Thank God for the nervousness person who's taping seasons 1-4 for me.

I saw BOY GROOVE, Chris Craddock's play about a fictional boy band. It's fantastic, and being held over until May 25th, so I'd highly recommend it if you get a chance. It's at Azimuth theatre. I saw The Matrix, and it's pretty good, although it has even more pretentious philosophizing than the first one. I saw A Mighty Wind, and I thought it was wonderful. I saw The Man From Laramie, an old Anthony Mann western with Jimmy Stewart. I think it's the best of the five films those two made together. And it had brutal violence!

I think Victoria must have been the best Queen ever, because she invented Victoria Day!


Random observation deemed website-worthy
Thursday, May 15, 2003 @ 01:24 p.m.

All you need to execute a huge fraud is some good fake letterhead.


When I'm gone
Tuesday, May 13, 2003 @ 03:31 p.m.

I'm pretty sure hell is like this, an office with no ringing phones or piles of paper to be alphabetized; only with more fire. And dead people.

Where do you go when you get bored, internet? post me a comment with your favourite link.


What I've Learned from Watching Westerns
Monday, May 12, 2003 @ 03:45 p.m.

  1. There is no gunfighter so tough his heart cannot be melted by a cute little Mexican girl.
  2. Similarly, it is the secret desire of all gunfighters to settle down with a little ranch, 50 head of cattle and a pretty girl.
  3. In a town where there is no law, the law is an angry posse armed with Winchesters.
  4. John Wayne's gotta do what John Wayne's gotta do.
  5. There is no such thing as a barroom girl without a heart of gold.


I rock out
Friday, May 9, 2003 @ 07:30 p.m.

A couple days ago I learned to use the government database used for storing information on recipients of student funding. If you string the words "government" and "database" together, you get a pretty good picture, probably, of what this program is like. It's an efficiency nightmare based on... duh duh duh... DOS!

I can pretend to be annoyed by it, and I am on some level, but I wouldn't be a geek if I didn't get off on it at the same time. Archaic computing systems have their own special appeal. If you can't master them you're just like everybody else. Yeah. Ewww.

The snow and rain have given way to ad-weather. The sky is clear and it's lovely and warm and Edmontonians come out of hibernation in droves and descent on the parks, the river valley bike trails, and Whyte avenue. We're like, uh, earth-worms, only the opposite because we come out when it's nice instead of when it's raining.

Work drives up the value of my leisure time, and I like that. My weekends are automatically more meaningful because I need them more badly. This effect will only be heightened by my first paycheque, because then I will be able to go to lots of plays and movies and bars and restaurants and then eveyrone will be jealous of me. Oh yes. You know you know.

Does anyone want to go to improv with me? Cause, well, I want to go. And I can't drive.


Thursday, May 8, 2003 @ 01:21 p.m.

The printer here is possessed by the devil. Or some other malignant force, possibly Fran Drescher.

I had some amusing anecdotes to share with you, but I've really forgotten all of them. Sorry, Internet.

I am going to make it stop raining with my mad SuperMindControl.

Finally, one suggested advertising slogan for shoes based on the observation that Buffy always wears little high-heeled boots: "I fought the First Evil in my AirwalksTM"

Jocelyn: "I miss going to school."
James: "You HATED school. You complained about it all last semester."
Jocelyn: "Yeah, I know. I'm probably one of those people who will never be happy."


it's raining in baltimore, baby...
Monday, May 5, 2003 @ 12:50 p.m.

I can't believe it's snowing here again. I look out the window and all of downtown, and the river valley beyond, is awash with blurry white. It would be very pretty if it weren't May. Snow in May is ugly reality.

There are all these other buildings around, full of people; and I want to know what they are doing, all of them.

The world makes my head hurt. literally.

I got my marks back and I got a couple of 8s, which is pretty good; and a couple of my standard 7s; and a 5, in EAS. I didn't exactly kick its E.A.Ass, but then, I wasn't expecting to. A five is even a full grade point higher than the minimum pass. Stupid U of A's stupid 9-point scale.

I wish I were in Mazatlan, Mexico, drinking margaritas, wearing aviator sunglasses like a disguised escaped con in a movie. Or on my pirate ship. Not stupid here doing stupid this.


To do list-- WORK
Thursday, May 1, 2003 @ 05:44 p.m.

  1. every day, make a list of how you will spend the money you made that day. If it's easier, this can be broken down by hour. So today, from 8.30-9.30 I paid for the admission to the movie IDENTITY + an inappropriately large slushee; from 9.30-lunch I paid for a large number of mushycat buttons and a shirt from SuperFantastico; from 1 until 4 was Fighting the Forces, that academic study of Buffy. Tomorrow I plan to buy the 6-part A&E Pride and Prejudice.
  2. Hide underneath desk. Make fingers into gun shape and aim at passers-by; duck further under desk to avoid detection; possibly cover desk with camouflage netting.
  3. Insist that your email address is DO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!
  4. Stare wistfully out the window, wondering whether it is as nice outside as it looks.
  5. And: be thankful about the continuation of your university education come September. I always think I hate being a student, but then I remember I hate working more. It's not really this job, either. They keep me busy and the people are nice. It's just work in general. I'm not designed for it. I belong at university. I don't belong in an office, wearing uncomfortable shoes.


Have fun storming the castle!
Thursday, May 1, 2003 @ 02:31 p.m.


Wednesday, April 30, 2003 @ 10:26 p.m.

Work takes up a lot of my time, and it's not as funny as Office Space or even Dilbert. It's disappointing. Meaningless McJobs are supposed to be the bonding experience of generation x, and I want to take part in that even though I am really too young. I'm one of those, whatever we're called, Generation Y. Or as a number of witty (and by "witty" I mean "trite") writers have called us, "generation why?" or "generation whatever" or whichever myth about our apathy and amorality is currently considered to be true.

As you can see I am as cynical and apathetic as all the rest of them. And I listen to rock and/or roll.


Monday, April 28, 2003 @ 06:01 p.m.

I fell this morning while attempting to run in a skirt. Fortunately my concrete driveway broke my fall.


in which I spend lots of money, and almost start work
Sunday, April 27, 2003 @ 11:05 p.m.

James and I went to the EPL booksale today, in the dank subterranean world of the Stanley Milner parking lot. I bought random books including: Jorge Luis Borges - Manuel Puig (who I studied in my Spanish Lit class, I thought I owed it to him) - Malcolm Muggeridge - The Brontes (Charlotte + Emily! Two Brontes for the price of one! But Joachim was nowhere to be found) - one Buffy the Vampire Slayer novel (it was $.25-- how could I resist?) - one copy of Wuthering Heights (I can't let WH pass me by at booksales even though I already have three copies, one of those is a very nice hardcover edition with gold-edged pages) - SHANE (the novel which was the basis of the classic Western starring Alan Ladd)

All for $7. So you see it was a good day. There were no Rex Stout books to be had, however. I'm not a particularly committed collector of Rex Stout books, and the rabid collectors always beat me to everything. I always look for them at booksales and I have had people actually snatch them out from beneath my hands. Also, I'm proud to say I passed on a tempting array of 80s-self-help books with titles such as, "How to be a successful woman," "How to make love last" [based on astrology, phhttt], and "How to be an assertive [not aggressive] woman in the world of business." I am getting better at not buying every book that costs a quarter.

Booksale people are craa-zzzy.

Does anyone know how to write a scholarship application letter?

I start my fabulous new job tomorrow. We mega-star TV journalists have to be punctual you know!

Ooohh: my new post-renovation bathroom is an industrial dream. I had to veto my mother's train motif (too stupid); in turn, she voted down my "whimsical meta-bathroom" idea (very arty: pictures of toilets and sinks stuck to the medicine cabinet with magnets, which I would make myself out of ceramic tiles)

In other words, every design decision made in my house represents a compromise between my mother's belief that everything should be off-white and my desire to create pretentious performance art out of my furniture.

It's not easy.


Random thought
Friday, April 25, 2003 @ 06:30 p.m.

The thing about Nirvana is that they really were very good, in spite of all the other people, many of them stupid, who think so.


Friday, April 25, 2003 @ 03:00 p.m.

I hate those commercials on TV that feature couples arguing about whether their pizza is takeout. Get a life! It doesn't matter! Why don't you talk about social justice, or pop music, or how much you love each other, or independent films, or the death penalty? Or something else important? Those pizza-arguers deserve each other.

Chris: I am not looking at your package. I wasns't even thinking about it until you mentioned it!*

My comments are fixed. They fixed themselves. Ha!

* I am not funny at all, and I'm repetitive. Please don't fire me